All the parents of teenage girls Please I need your advice.?

Question

I have a teenage daughter who is 13, My ex has been on my case to put her on the pill so she want get pregnat as his oldest daughter did from a previous marriage. My daughter is not sexually active and has never been. I think that by putting her on the pill it might let her think its ok to go ahead and have sex. Im trying to teach my daughter that there is nothing wrong in being a virgen and that when she finds mr right its the most special gift a woman can give her husband. I hope yall can give me your most honest answer cuz I need help with this

Answer 1

Im not a mom of teens yet (just toddlers) but I can say that your ex needs to mind his own business when it comes to something like that. Yes it will give the wrong message to your daughter...so if she gets on the pill she will think its okay to have sex...and what happens if she misses a pill.....? You keep doing the right thing and tell your ex to go piss off!!

Answer 2

My daughter is 13 too. this is a very difficult age to be. Every child will experiment and some point and putting her on the pill would be quite a sensible thing to do however this may take away the risk to herself in her own mind and she may think that because shes safe then it will be ok to try. If you have a honest relationship with your daughter then she should talk to you when the time is right for her. Like you i know my daughter isn't sexually active but i do know that some of her school friends have tried it. You are teaching your daughter that its ok to be a virgin and that is good because there is so much peer pressure on them, Also some young people don't realise that getting pregnant isn't the only risk there are far worse risks like HIV, the pill will not protect against this. If you teach your daughter to be sensible then maybe when the time is right for her then she will use other contraception methods. Keep talking openly to her on the subject and let her know that she can talk to you about anything and try not to judge her because it is really hard for teens today. As far as your ex goes, this is something your daughter has to decide when she feels the time is right. There are health issues when taking the pill, they can cause side effects such as weight gain, thrombosis and headaches. Although these side effects are rare they do happen. I hope you keep close to your daughter because then she will trust you and the advice you give her. Good luck.

Answer 3

I have a daughter who is 19 and a daughter who is 13. If your daughter is not yet sexually active it's stupid to put her on hormones just because her sister got pregnant.
On the other hand, don't think that just because you've stressed the virtues of virginity (and sex with marriage only) your daughter will never have sex before she is married. (What if she never gets married?)
I armed my daughters with the facts about contraception, STDs, peer pressure, teenaged pregnancy, single and married motherhood, etc. I also told them that sex at a very young age was not a good idea because young girls are not emotionally equipped to handle it. When my oldest daughter was 16 she decided, against my advice, to become sexually active with her boyfriend (whom she loved), but she felt safe enough to talk about it with me. I got her on the pill, and kept the lines of communication open. She is fine today, responsible and has never been pregnant or caught an STD. She is not promiscuous, either.
Putting your daughter on the pill will not send the message you think it's fine to go around having sex if you tell her otherwise in clear and empathic terms, but not being realistic and not letting her make her own choices (informed) is asking for trouble. Let her know you support her, and even if she doesn't end up waiting for marriage, she will be more likely to talk to you and make responsible choices. I'm sure you agree that your child's health and well-being (and your relationship with her) are far more important than whether or not she has sex outside of marriage.

p.s. for what it's worth, I'm also a future marriage and family psychologist (in grad school now, 2 years away from being an "expert")

Answer 4

If she was sexually active, I would say "Yes! Put her on the pill!", but if you are sure that she is not, then it just might give her the wrong message. Also, getting pregnant isn't the worst thing that can happen, and the pill does not protect her from STD's! If she were to become sexually active, condoms are safer than the pill, although they are not completely safe either.

Telling her to wait for Mr. Right might be enough, though. For a teenager, Mr. Right is more like Mr. Right-Now. They "fall deeply in love" many times before they learn to discriminate between a fling and a long term, meaningful relationship.

While you don't want her to become pregnant, you also don't want her to die from AIDS! The only sure thing is abstinence. She needs to save intercourse for her husband on her wedding night. You cannot do enough to impress on her how important this is.
and, no matter what you do, you cannot watch over her 24/7. She will either listen to you or not.

The best thing to do is to keep her involved in church and school related programs. She needs to have fun and have outlets for frustrations, and friends to talk to, but not friends that are a bad influence on her. Peer pressure can be overwhelming for a teenager. She needs to have friends that are supportive of her decision to protect her virginity. Keep her too busy to think about having sex with boys! That is what I advise.

Answer 5

She's too young. The pill is powerful stuff. You wouldn't give her antibiotics to keep her from getting a cold, right? The key here is COMMUNICATION. I have two daughters, 22 and 18. We talked all the time about important matters like this. What I stressed to my girls was this: the decision to have sex is a big one. You cannot take it back once you've slept with someone. It should be special, and not done so you don't lose a boy, or to "prove your love" to a boy. I told them that if they found someone they loved, who loved them back, and that they felt they were old enough to handle the powerful emotions behind sex, they could come to me and we would talk about it. Most importantly, I stressed this fact: a baby is a heckuva lot easier to PREVENT than to RAISE. Your daughter will appreciate the fact that you respect and trust her enough to come to you with questions, and she will do the right thing and not jump into having sex before she's ready.

P.S. In their late teens, both my girls went on the pill to regulate their period and take care of acne. Neither one of them started having sex when they started the pill. Give your daughter some credit for being smart enough to separate the two.

Answer 6

Talk with your daughter about relationships and sex. She may be doing more than you think so you need to let her know that she can talk to you (if you already don't do that). Ask her how she feels about the pill. At 13, she is able to understand and have an informed discussion about it. It's great for some people to say that she is too young but reality is that she is at (or close to) the age where she will be thinking about it and starting to experiment. Communication is the best thing for now. I wouldn't just put her on the pill without talking to her first. She may surprise you.

Answer 7

Putting your daughter on the pill isn't an invitation to have sex. The pill is also a wonderful way to regulate her periods. With any type of birth-control comes responsibility , you need to make your daughter aware of this, the most important thing you can do is first and foremost ask your current husband to back off , second have a heart to heart with your daughter. I was put on birth-control pills at the age of fourteen and I did not have sex until I got married. whatever it is that you want for your daughter , you have to remember it is her choice, give her the option to make an informed decision.

Answer 8

Go ahead and put her on the pill, first off all your lovie-dovie "finding Mr. Right" isn't any kind of reality.
It's a fantasy that has all too many teenage girls getting pregnant.
Secondly, being on the pill early can actually help regulate it, lessen cramping and generally make her feel better during her periods.
Thirdly, keep track of who she hangs out with. Get to know her friends, their parents and such.
Trust me, a parent who knows who their child's friends and families are is less likely to do something stupid...the embarrassment would be enormous!

I have a teenage son, who's been dating the same girl for two and a half years now. They're still virgins because we're way to into their lives. They don't have a chance to do anything stupid.

Besides, both her parents and myself would kill both of them if they tried!

I know you want your daughter to remain "pure" but you can't just hide your head in the sand and hope reality just goes away. That's what gets all too many kids into trouble.

You have to be strong even hardnosed about it sometimes. Ignorance only leads to trouble, for you and her!
Don't risk either.

Answer 9

I'm 15 years old. If my parents put me on the pill, i'd think that they don't trust me at all, that they think it's ok in my age to have sex and that's why they did that.... It's better for you to make your daughter a responsile person who will know when the time has come and if it's the right person. It's not easy, i'm sure it won't be easy. But by putting her on the pill, she'll think that you take her as a"copy" of your ex's daughter.. I wouldn't agry with doing this. just tell her that when she decides to get sexual active, she can tell it to you and that you'll do your best to protect her from an unwilling pregnancy.

Answer 10

Which would you prefer
Your daughter doesn't go on the pill and may or may not have sex and may or may not tell you about and may or may not get pregnant OR
your daughter goes on the pill and may or may not have sex and may or may not tell you about but has a .01 percent chance of becoming a teenage mother
My mom is Catholic but with me being the only child she still loved me enough to look past her beliefs and do what was best for me she put me on the shot at 14 and personally drove me to my appointments every 3 months and I may have been a wild child and gave her alot of sleepless nights but she gave me the time I needed to grow up I had my first daughter at 24 and my 2nd at 26 which is a rarity these days I was the last one of all my friends to have children and I will do the same for my daughters when they reach that age. Kids will do what they are going to do no matter what my first priority as a parent is to keep them as happy healthy and safe as I can while they are doing it

Answer 11

I hope you don't mind a guy answering this, first of all, I would sit her down, and have a long talk with her about sex, how you feel, about birth control, the differnet types, etc, and because she is 13 show her some respect and ask her if she would like to go on the pill, but don't try and make her feel guilty if she says yes, but go ahead and do put her on it, but make sure she understands how you feel about her having sex at a young age, and that she can come talk to you at anytime about the subject. Also explain to her about the different sexually transmitted disease there are floating around now adays, chlymadia, gonnorhea, hiv, aids, herpes, as well as hepatitis, etc. and let her make the decision, but by all means support her in whatever she decideds,