I feel like it's all my fault? :-(?

Question

I had this friend who kept cutting herself and I knew all about it but I didn't do anything about it. Then she ended up not coming to school come to find out she slit her wrist and was in the hospital. I felt like it was all my fault cuz she died that night from lose of blood. I still feel so bad like I could of stopped it some how but it's been almost 4 months now and I am still blaming my self. Do I need counseling or medicine I need help. Please help!!!!!!!!!!

I told my mom and she didn't do anything so I kept telling her but she told me not to worry about it. I can't help it but she was my closest friend and I was in the room when she died. I feel so bad cuz her parents know but didn't do anything and I diddn't do anything I used to cover for her but now I don't think I should of. Was I wrong to cover for her.

Answer 1

Notice that none of these people didn't say they had expirience, they keep saying it's not your fault. You sound about my age. Middle School/ Junior High, right?
PLEASE READ THIS.

I used to cut, even to the bad point, I have friends who have and do cut, to the bad point. You knew. I know. You didn't say anything. I don't say anything. You know why cutters don't want you to say anything?

Because we're scared.

Plain and simple, we've all had bad lives, we all have something to say, but it only come out as cuts on our wrists.
And when we form words, it's usually something we regret.

We don't want professionals, we don't want to talk about it.

You don't need a professional or any kind of medicine.
You could've said something, and maybe you should've. But, in the end, it might not have even mattered.

She most likely would've kept a razor or two, something sharp at least, just in case. She most likely might've been more stresssed.

Knowing someone will still care for you even for what you've done, such as cutting, or killing yourself...it cancels out everything except happiness and relief.


And you know what? She might not've told you this, because of what she was thinking about, but you still thinking of her, and maybe taking the blame, shows you still care. And she's happy for that. She loves you to pieces and wishes you best of luck. She's sorry for what she has done, and she knows it won't happen again, to you. Don't you ever forget that.

Answer 2

she is your friend and you thought covering for her was just being a friend...its not your fault...you need to see a doctor if you are suffering from these symptoms...Having trouble sleeping.
Showing disruptive behavior at school.
Doing poorly in school, if this is a change.
Acting differently, such as being quiet and sad when before they were happy and talkative.
If you do not know how to handle certain situations and want to talk them over with someone other than family members.
Shock and disbelief
At the beginning of grief, death is hard to accept, even if the person had been sick for a long time. This disbelief can give some protection against intense feelings.

Memory
Gradually, memories and pictures of the person become less clear in the mind. Some people may worry this means the person was not that special to them, and they may feel guilty that they cannot always remember what the person looked like.

Dreams
People may have dreams about the person who has died. Some find these dreams very comforting, but others are upset by them and wake up feeling very sad.

Tears
Months later, tears may unexpectedly flow, and this can surprise young people who thought they were "getting over it."Anger and withdrawal
Teenagers may become especially angry after the death of someone close to them. They may feel that the world is unfair, and they may lash out at others or withdraw. Some feel panic about the future and are scared of getting close to others. They may wonder if they are going crazy. They can feel guilty about what they did or said to the person who is gone and be unable to forgive themselves. And just like adults, they also may regret what they did not do.

Sadness
Feelings of sadness may come and go over a long period of time. If young people are allowed to talk with others who are understanding, healing is more likely. How well they knew the person who died and how much they depended on him or her will affect how long these feelings continue...and remember it was her choice and you couldent have stopped her...

.

Answer 3

You've been through something really tough. While I know (and I bet you do too) it's not your fault, I bet I would feel the same way.

Yes, I think talking with a counselor could be a big help. They don't tell you what to think or how to feel, they help you figure out how to do what's best for you.

In the future, because of this experience, you may actually be in a position to help other people. Either you will convince them to tell, just from knowing you, or perhaps you may even do some kind of volunteer work with kids or cutters.

But right now, you need to be kind to yourself and get some help sorting out your feelings. Things like this kind of guilt can eat away at you if not dealt with, and that will make you unable to help anyone, even yourself.

If your parents don't want to send you to a counselor, start with the school nurse or psychologist, They'll help you find someone you can talk to.

Good luck and gentle healing.

Answer 4

You need counseling. It maybe could have been prevented, but it's not your fault. I actually had the same thing happen to me, but thankfully my friend didn't die. He turned to drugs though, and for about 2 years I always thought it was my fault for not helping. But it's not. People have a right to make their own choices. I know it can be hard to tell someone in authority if a friend is having problems, but that's what needs to be done in some cases. You're friend should have seeked help before it was too late. Sometimes life can be tough, and things happen that aren't any bodys fault. No one knows why, but everyone needs to let go of guilt, cause guilt will hurt you, and bring you down. Pray to God, and just ask him to help you get through this. And if you don't believe in God, get counseling or talk to one of your closest family members, who is an adult.

Answer 5

Don't think that you could have prevented this because most likely you couldn't. Taking you own life is a personal thing and if you have decided you are going to do it no power on this earth can stop it. We could just as easily be answering the question, I told her parents she was cutting herself, she killed herself, and I feel to blame. I have personally had three friends that have killed themselves, you always ask why, you always mourn their loss, but you cannot accept blame. If you need counseling to help you through this by all means go; but, cherish their memory with the good times you had together. Don't accept blame for things that you have no control over, it will make you nuts.

Answer 6

first: It is not your fault
second: You could not prevent this even if you told
third: You might benefit from some short term counseling to work through your trauma, and grief over the loss
fourth: medicine is not always needed. Let the counselor, or doctor decide this.

OK I am a self injurer. have been for over 13 years. No one can stop me when I want to do it. so don't think that you could have, OK. she would have done it, found some way to do it. She was ill. I am sorry that you feel so guilty over this. grief is a process...let your self go through this. these are the steps of grieving:
denial anger bargaining depression acceptance
hope that this helps.

Answer 7

Firstly, condolences..sorry u lost a friend esp this way and at such a young age...

To answer ur qt....

Yes you do need counselling..you just went thru a traumatic exp.. hindsight is 20/20 they say and so it is..

Its a pity tht u didnt realise how real the signs were but you r not a psychologist to know these things for sure.. I always say/beleive neva doubt when someone threatens suicide or the likes bc u jus neva know and in any case they need help even if it is to sort out a small problem..

But past is past ..there not much tht can b done abt tht..by u lving in the past n thinkin wht if and if i did this or tht..ull jus drive urself mad and not change anything..

The best thing you can do for urself and for ur late friend is to learn from this exp and ensure it neva happens again to u or any1 u know..

Maybe in time u can help people in these situations..not now but once uve healed

Bc now u hurting n u need to deal wth these emotions, the loss of a friend and feelins of guilt.. u need to move past it, u need to get on wth ur life.. not taken big leaps but dealin wth each day at a time.. moving from one moment to the next... i know how deeply it must hurt u..so open up to ur loved ones.. bc this is something u need support for

Pray for guidance and strngth to overcome this huge pain, God listens and answers prayers.

I hope in time the wounds though they are very raw now will heal and despite the obvious tragedy and heart break i hope some good will stem from it...


God bless n take care.. email anytime if u eva need some1 to talk to..

PS: Jus remember.. though you feel like you should have done something more.. (i know wht u mean) ultimately we are responsible for our own actons

Answer 8

It's not your fault. It was her own decision to cut her wrists, she knew the risk involved. If her life was that bad and you were her friend, then she probably saw you as one of the only good things about her life. I know it hurts. One of my friends committed suicide this April. I didn't know him that well but everything seemed fine. there's no way you can predict the future. But that's done now. It's too late to worry about what could have been done to save her. Instead, mourn her death. Let yourself feel grief, not regret. If you think it would make you feel better, then yes, talk to a counselor. I don't think you need medicine. If you're a religious person, you could always talk to a minister. And hey, if you want you can even talk to me. I'll be as supportive as I can. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. Let it go. There's a good book about this subject. I'll list it as a source.

Answer 9

Self-blame is a common cause of depression and migraines. It is the result of your feeling responsible for something that happend because you indirectly did something. Let me give you some examples from actual therapy experience.

1. A man had bought his young son a motorbike. The son was killed in an accident. He blamed himself and went into depression.

2. A woman had sent her son to the store for some food and he was killed in an accident on the way.

3. A woman was with her boyfriend at the beach and she wanted to come back to town (Portland) while he preferred to stay at the beach longer. On the way back they had an accident and he was killed.

4. A woman's parent had died in a distant city. She blamed herself that she hadn't gone to see her as often as she should have.

5. A parent died and the woman blamed herself for not having gotten her mother a better doctor.

6. A woman had spent over $50,000 on her migraines (some 15 years ago) which were cured with a little analysis. The family was on an outing where there was a sandpit (with water in it) and one of the children had strayed away and was drowned. The husband laid a heavy guilt on her (which she accepted) for having let the child out of her sight. Result? Migraines as self punishment. Cured when the cause was brought to light.

These are typical. A lot of this happens on the battlefield at wartime. Men, in general, won't admit to their feeling about buddies who died in battle that they feel somewhat responsible for.

Same for pets. Dog got loose. Should have kept the cat in. Didn't go to the vet soon enough. And with the death of any family member, there is the opportunity to blame yourself for contributing to the early death. Maybe you accidentally killed a wild animal, or someone's pet.

Looking at this rationally, you have to admit that grieving isn't helping the dead thing or person one single bit. When you are sad, that makes you not pleasant for others to be around. Some people feel they must grieve and show it. Why? To satisfy others? What sense does that make?

A much better solution is to rid yourself of the guilt by rationalization, if it wasn't a criminal act, and get on with your life. It's over with. Done. Accept that.

The exercise that follows is meant to tell your subconscious mind, where emotions come from, to cut off the guilt feelings. If you really want that to happen, it will happen. You can't continually relive the past trauma and be a happy person. You owe it to the people you associate with to be happy, as well as to yourself. So do the little exercise that follows and see what happens. Have in mind the person or animal that died or the incident in mind that causes your depression while I give you the audio message. If it's a big release for you, you may immediately feel it release tension just below the breastbone or a part of your body will twitch.

Click the link to do the exercise.

Answer 10

i am sooo sorry. this has to be a really difficult time for u. u not only lost a friend, but u feel guilty because u think you could have prevented it. the truth is, even if u would have told someone, chances are, she would have found another way to hurt herself. this is not your fault. feeling responsible will not bring her back. this may sound harsh, but rest assured that your friend left here for a better place and she knew how much u cared. u do need counseling,though. holding this in is not healthy. i'm really sorry u have to go through this, but don't do it alone.