When we go to my husband’s family for the holidays, I try not to be alone with his family since they are mean to me. So I stay in the same room as my husband and when we eat dinner I sit next to him. A lot of times he sits next to me and puts his arm around me when everyone is just sitting around visiting.
My mother in law pulled my husband aside and asked him why I am always around him and why do I always need to sit with him. He told her its because no one is very friendly to me and that he will always sit next to me since I am his wife and that’s how it is now.
She gets plenty of time to see her son, and he is always talking with everyone else and I just sit there listening. Its not like I am stealing their "family" time.
She was very angry about it though. My husband thinks she is jealous that we are so close. But we are married, I would hope we were closer to each other than anyone else!
2006-06-23 07:59:22 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know it must be uncomfortable for you but it's great that your husband supports you and stands up with you.The situation may change in the future or it may get worst but once your husband is standing with you,you don't really have a problem.You are his family
now.What I would advise is that you don't let it make you bitter but kill her with love.Love is a poweful thing.
2006-06-23 08:07:39 · answer #1 · answered by RYAN G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I didn't even need to read the whole question, just the main phrase and I can confidentally say YES. If you even have to ask,,,,the answer is yes. It's an innate quality that many mothers posess with their sons. Here's why:
It's more difficult for mothers to bond with their sons for the simple fact that boys like to do different things than girls. You can take your daughter shopping, to get a pedicure, there's just more bonding. So when a son grows up and meets a woman, all of a sudden, the Mom thinks "whoa, how did she get to connect with him like that when I never could?". Then all of a sudden, all of these feelings of inadequacy pop up (most of them subconscious) and then problems arise such as control, interference, mannipulation and all sorts of ugly monsters. Did you know that In-Laws are the number 2 cause for divorce??!! I find that astounding.
The key for a wife and husband is to set boundaries with in-laws. Actually, boundaries with everything. If they aren't nice to you, there is NO reason why you have to go to every function. You can simply tell your husband, "I'm going to get a massage today or I'm going to hang with "friends name". If he gets a little miffed at first, that's okay,. Just stick with it and don't explain yourself such as "honey, they're always mean or whatever" that will make him defensive and could cause a fight. Just let him know you're doing something for you and that's a good thing all around. Don't force anything with your inlaws. If you try too hard, it's going to make them act more petty. Just be a woman and stay strong.
2006-06-23 15:09:13 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. Phil-lys 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like mamma doesn't want to let her baby boy go... You are lucky he stands beside you and stands UP to her! My parents were in the exact place you were and my father NEVER included my mom in family times with his parents.... (eventually drove them apart, but that was 30 years ago, sorry.....) Anyway.
It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page. Family is always a tough issue. Is it possible to spend a little less time with them? Skip every third event or so? Whatever you do, they are going to blame you, not him. You could just let things go on as they are and deal, hoping they will warm up to you? If you don't go, they will say you are being a snob, and if you ask your husband to stay home, eventually he will not be happy. I'm a pretty ballsy person so I would go to Mommie Dearest and say, " (Name), I know you guys are a tight family and I would never want to interfere in your relationship, I want (Husband) to be happy and I know you do too, so if we could get along it would be a big load off his mind. We don't have to like each other, but if we can at least get along, I know he would feel better." Maybe then she would see you really do have his feelings at heart and warm up a bit? Good Luck, my dear and hang in there. Let your husband know you appreciate the way he has handled the situation so far!
2006-06-23 15:11:27 · answer #3 · answered by purrpletoad 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Apparently, your MOL doesn't understand what should occur, when people marry. (It appears your husband is rather vague on the issue, too.) For her son, he is to leave his parents and "cleave unto his wife" and the two "become one." It doesn't involve the parents--only the husband and wife.
Your husband's first duty is to you, not his parents. This is something most men don't understand, so there is usually a conflict between husband and wife.
His mother should be told by him that you come first, not her. If she doesn't like it, tough! He must speak up!
2006-06-23 15:10:48 · answer #4 · answered by mrearly2 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She lost her baby boy.... she is dealing with a sense of loss.. She is jealous becasue she is no longer the number one in her son's life... You are.. she just hates you for it.. Don't sweat the other family members.. they are probably scared of the bully mom... she sounds manipulative...
2006-06-23 15:07:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not a jelousy.it's in a female nature she cannot share other women' in her loved one's life.
imagine if you have a son whom you loved very dearly, he paid alwaus attention to you.
then comes a girl suddenly in his life and he marry's her,
now he is all gone suddenly away from you, he listen's her(wife) also and most often spend times with her and comes only on weekends or occassion to you what would your reaction or feeling be towards your daughter-in-law.
while your son has to share his love with you and his wife and he try's to keep the balance has possible has he can so as to not create conflict.
2006-06-23 15:11:11 · answer #6 · answered by saleem k 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tell her to mind her own buisness. She might be jealous because she evnys you and your husband's relationship. If she is jealous, she is childish and needs to grow up!!!!!!!
2006-06-23 15:35:08 · answer #7 · answered by SASSY 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess she is and they're always jealous.
----------------------------
Get a FREE Video iPod!
http://www.flashipods4free.com/index.php?ref=579
2006-06-23 15:03:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes dont let her interfere
2006-06-23 15:02:30 · answer #9 · answered by PP 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋