Somebody tell me some good jokes that are sorta new and not ones i've heard 100 times?

Answer 1

Cerificate For Sex


There was a fellow talking to his buddy one day.

The first fellow said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.
She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm
stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she
wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"

So, the first fellow did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How'd it turn out?"

The first fellow replied, "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'!"

Answer 2

how would we know what jokes you have heard over a 100 times?

Answer 3

Why does a Pollack's left armpit stink?

Because the stores only sell Right Guard!

Answer 4

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa. The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of a lion, the arm of a monkey, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheetah the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him. “I see far with new eye. I stronger with new arm. But Tarzan no like his new penis.” The chimp asks, “Why don’t you like it?” Tarzan replies, “I walk around new penis picks up weeds from ground and shoves them up my ***.”

Answer 5

Hopefully you haven't heard this one yet.

You might be a redneck if the last words you hear your friend say are "hey you guys, watch this!"

Answer 6

I WILL FIND U TAKE U 2 BED
HAVE MY WAY WIT U
U WILL MOAN AND GROAN
AND BEG ME TO STOP
I'LL EXHAUST U AND LEAVE U WEAK 4 DAYS
WHO AM I?................

SINCERELY THE FLU