My mother-in-law is a know it all!?

Question

She insults the way I do things with my son. She tells me the way she did things. I want to vomit when I look at her. I don't disrespect her because she is my husband's mother, but I secretly want to hurt her!

Answer 1

Hey, I know how you feel. When I was married my mother-in-law stuck her nose into our buisness all the time. You just have to let it go through one ear and out the other because ,unless you want to get a divorce from your husband, that's really the only way to deal with it. I hope everything works out.

Answer 2

She is trying her best to "help" you and she has poor people skills. Why don't you do yourself a favor and try to get over her personality. You're going to alienate your husband and your son and it's not worth it for meddling granny. Next time, smile and ask her opinion about something. "How did you manage your time when you had kids??" "What do you think I could do that would make my son more active?" "Where you ever involved in parent/teacher functions and what did you do?" She wants to be involved in your life and she just doesn't know how to do it. Be mature (cause you can't expect her to be at this age) and use strategy to make her feel needed, even if she's not. Put that anger to use, and smile and be the "best daughter-in law" she could ask for!!! That way, you will know deep inside you're the better woman. I like that you don't disrespect her. Just play along with her and act interested in her comments. Hey, the old broad might have something useful in there that you can learn. Bury the "wanting to hurt her"...you'd only be hurting your hubby and child. Now, get a set of balls and go be "the" WOMAN !!!

Answer 3

Crabby,
How long have you been married? First of all, there is a lot of wisdom in older people, especially those who have had and raised children. I understand that you know how to do things with your son, but she could have some input that could be helpful. I have a mother-in-law too, and we are having our first child. Now i know that she is a very wise woman because of the way that my husband is. I figured if she raised him to be the man that he is, then she could certainly give me some pointers. I think that you and your mother-in-law should get together to talk about some boundaries, and then you could ask her for her opinion on things from time to time. I think that mother-in-laws like this feel that they have lost their son and they want to hold on to whatever they can and they can be very overbearing. Let her know that what she suggests may have worked for her when she was raising her children, but respectively, I would like to teach my son like this or that. They respect you more when you appear to want to get along. It seems to me that this is a hate relationship between you and her that is stronger than her opinion of you mothering skills. Figure out what that is and then try to work it out. If you secretly want to hurt her, it will come out sooner or later.

You be the bigger person, it will work out for you, your husband and your son.

Good Luck with that!

Answer 4

I feel for you. I had an ex-mother-in-law that did the same thing. I used to compare her to Ray's mom on the show Everybody Loves Raymond! Anyway, do what is best for your son. You are his mom and the only one he will ever have so even when you mess up and don't do the right thing, he won't know it because you're his mom. Ignore the mother in law and just try to go on with your life. Or you could make snide remarks back to referring to how her children turned out...I am sure they aren't perfect and she made mistakes to.

Answer 5

Can I answer this one? Well, my MIL was exactly like yours and perhaps more. When I was pregnant, she laughed while saying that I was fat, and took my rice away from me (I'm serious) when, at 8 months, I was 1.5kg overweight. The day before my wedding day, she screamed all sorts of chinese obscenities at me in front of her family and her daughter's kids. On my wedding day, she locked herself in her bedroom and refused to turn up till the very last minute, when her daughter managed to persuade her, turning up only to show her very sulken face. Everytime her son went out clubbing or with friends, even when I stayed home, I was to be blamed for it.

Well, I finally put my foot down. When my daughter was born, I decided to stay with my parents, not wanting to live in misery any longer. She came to visit her granchild every weekend and that was when I took the opportunity and told her, very firmly, and you might also say not so nicely, that we were now a family and she should treat me better. I was not there to steal her son from her or make her life worse but to give her son a family, a happy one! and I asked if she wanted to help us build a happy and strong family, at least for her son's sake. In other words, I told her she was either in or out. She drove off very angry. But she must have given it a lot of thought because now, 3 years have passed, and things have changed for the better, slowly but very surely. I am proud of my MIL too, as it is hard for an old lady so stuck in her ways to change (she's 60 next year), so I must know that she also wants for things to be better and that itself makes me very thankful and joyful. Thankful for all my mother's kind listening ears and words of advice and joyful that through those wise teachings of my own mom, I have earned the love and respect of another mom. No more sad tears, and hopefully only happy ones to come! I hope the same for you.

Answer 6

I'm sorry babe. My mother in law is cool as hell so I can't sympathize with you. The best I can say is talk to your husband. Have him talk to her. If that doesn't work, tell your husband you can't take it anymore and have an adult to adult conversation with her. Spare no details. Let her know how you feel. If she doesn't see error in her ways, tell her you see no reason to continue speaking with her. You'll let her see her grandson and obviously her son, but there is no reason she needs to critique you at every moment she gets. If she can't correct this behaviour she doesn't need to be exposed to it and doesnt need to speak with you. Its harsh, but some people need that kind of a talking to. And even then it doesn't always work.

Answer 7

You should tell your husdand how she makes you feel and he should speak to her about it,no one will come out smelling like a rose.If he does nothing maybe he should have stayed single and live with his mother.A real man knows where to draw that line.You and your feelings should be first over his mothers.I will advise that
you don't stand for anything less.It is i will agree a hard thing to do but it is the right thing to do.to put it simple he needs to put he mother in her place.I hope you are not married to a mama's boy.

Answer 8

Start insulting right back to her face especially when you husband is present. When you get into the fight later or then, calmly ask him why he lets his mother talk to you that way.
Dont give in, Hold your ground until he agrees to respect and support you even if she is his mother she has no right to treat you like that.

Answer 9

thats mother in laws for you ......you need to tell her gently that hes your son stop interferring and stop insulting me....if she takes it the wrong way just ignore her she may come round or sit and think of what shes been doing wrong!! good luck

Answer 10

talk with your husband and tell him to talk with her and if that dont work then you talk with her and tell her lady this is my child not yours mind your own business im raising him the way i want to not the way you want to and then tell her the insults can go both ways so i advise you to quit insulting me sometimes putting them in there place is what they need