my son's girl classmates likes him,but my son is only 13?what should i do?

Question

my son is 13 yrs old,we both share a very good bond.From him,i came to know that a girl in her class likes him a lot &considers him as his boyfriend!!.the girl is also his age,she keeps on calling at home,send sms on the mobile mentioning that she likes him.my son also likes her but tells that the girl is much more interested in him.his friends are leg pulling him.the girl has told everyone that she is my son's girlfriend.i am very confused,should i give my son her phone calls and let them talk or should i not allow my son to talk or should i talk to the girl,as both of them are very young,i dont know what would be the best way to make my son understand that he is too young for all this without scolding him?plz suggest.i dont want to act like a cool mom &enjoy the whole episode.

Answer 1

Relax. Let him talk to this girl who likes him. Of course you may see him as too young to be dating, but that's common sense. Just let him communicate with her freely.

Answer 2

OOh, he is right in there in the age department where it is just kinda iffy, But, okay, here is my opinion. Let them talk on the phone, he has done nothing to scold him for, it sounds like you two have a good relationship if he is the one that shared the info with you then it seems as if he has no ulterior motive other than young puppy stuff. Keep your close rapport with him and ask periodically if things are okay or if he is feeling pressured. Do you know this girl's parents, that would be great if you all could kind of watch from both sides. I don't think that you should talk to the girl, I think that might be stepping over the line into babying your son too much and set up him for ridicule. It is normal for kids this age to want to be 'boyfriend and girlfriend", just make sure, as I am sure that you do, that they aren't sneaking away alone anywhere. You sound like a great mom and have a great son, good luck, and I know from experience you WILL get through this without any big catastophe!!! Just relax and remain vigilant and you will both be fine. Good luck!!

Answer 3

I think thirteen is an acceptable age to start dating, most of it is harmless puppy love anyway. Chances are that whether or not you say no, he'll have his way. You can't be with him all the time and you have to let go sometime. He's growing up. You have to accept that.

But its your son and your perogative to say no. Set ground rules. Tell him you can date at this age and you will not help him or condone it until that time. He needs you to get around so he'll have to follow this rule for the most part. Phone calls from girls won't be given to him at the house. Unfortunately no matter how you put it your son will see it as being scolded. He is thirteen, hormonal, and thinks he knows better then you. Just be gentle. You might tell the girl next time you answer the phone that he won't be able to talk on the phone anymore. Again, don't be mean. (They'll think you are evil, but nothing can be done about that) Eventually they'll come around and the girl's crush will fade. She'll find someone else to chase and your son will get over it. Fortunately most teenagers don't hold grudges that long.

Answer 4

First, think back to when you were that age... did you have a crush on a boy? Was there a boy that had a crush on you? And wasn't it just harmless "puppy love"?

Thirteen is a bit young to be "dating", in my opinion, but a trip to the movies with a chaperone, going to the beach with the family, etc. is something that would be more acceptable to me. This way it is in a fairly controlled atmosphere. If it was me, I'd let them talk on the phone, but be within earshot, in case the conversation gets too personal. Then I would gently suggest that they end the call.

Just so you know where I'm coming from, I have 3 sons... ages 18, 16 and 14. I brought my oldest son to the movies when he was 14, with his female friend, also age 14... at the time, they had crushes on each other. The more time they spent together, (with a chaperone lurking about) the more they didn't like being around each other. Maybe something like that will work for you too.

And don't be shy when it comes to talking about the intimate things some teenagers get into. Remind him that his actions could affect him for the rest of his life, if a girl ends up preg. I'm only saying this to you, because I believe in this day and age, kids ARE being intimate at way too young an age, and too many are ending up as teen-parents. When it comes to talk like that, I'm "point-blank" with my kids. No beating around the bush...

Sorry to make this so long... wanted to give you some food for thought...

Answer 5

Your son is at such a vulnerable age. So, your help and intervention is very important. He is no longer a child, but he has not grown into a fully mature, independent adult yet. Today, children as young as twelve or thirteen years of age may face sexuality issues. It is not too early to teach him about sexuality. Read some books on sex education to have some idea on what you should discuss with your son. There are books geared toward teens specifically. Second edition of "The Underground Guide to Teenage Sexuality" is for both parents and teenagers. The book covers choosing abstinence and avoiding peer pressure. Your son should know that he has a right to say "no" when he feels uncomfortable with another person's sexual advances. Since a teenager may not choose abstinence as his or her lifestyle, the book covers all the health issues of sexually active lifestyle. Of course, this is not the only book on the market. You are free to look for many other books on the subject of teenage sexuality.

Answer 6

Aw this all sounds very innocent. Your son is only 13, what are the chances that this will evolve into a full-blown relationship? I think you should give him her calls; let them talk. Let them hang out. Invite her over to your house where they can play video games or something with you there to watch them. It's ok for him to have female friends. Just keep an eye on him and set some boundaries and don't let him go past that.

Answer 7

If he wants to talk to the girl, by all means Mom, let him talk to her, as they are still pretty harmless at 13.

I don't know your location, but even my 11 year old son has a girlfriend that he talks to on the phone. Just don't freak out if he ends up referring to their relationship as "dating", as this seems to be the term around here that has replaced going steady. It doesn't mean that they are actually going anywhere.

Mom, you can't protect your little boy forever and he will eventually have to leave the nest and cut the apron strings. By being this overprotective you are not allowing him to grow up. At 13 it is time for him to start experiencing some of the harsher things in life as he will have to learn how to deal with them as an adult.

Best of luck to you and your son, I know you will make the right decision for you.

Answer 8

At thirteen he's bound to start have these issues come up. It seems the two of you have a good relationship and you should trust him to make the right decisions, or come to you if he's uncomfortable or even has questions.
But don't stand in his way cause then he may stop telling you this stuff. Let them talk and even hang out, supervised of coarse. And ask lost of questions about his feeling and what they do. Keep your lines of communication open, sounds like you have a good boy there, give him gentle guidance on how to act and what to do but let him be a kid. Best wishes

Answer 9

Sounds like your son is afraid to tell the girl not to call. He's looking for a way out, Mom. Ask him if he wants you to filter his phone calls. I had the same problem with a very aggressive girl and my son, same age. He got tired of her calling him all of the time and didn't want to tell her. So I told her..."Hi, he's busy right now, he's not home right now, he's doing chores right now". The girl never got the hint until I told her not to call anymore. and I"m glad that happened because, she was so needy, she would latch onto any boy she thought she could push around. I watched her grow up into the same kind of woman. Another girl did the same thing with my other son and was encouraging him to run away with her. God....that kid turned out to be in and out of jail and trouble and it's been 15 years and she's still the same. Girls are so fresh now days. Alot of them don't get attention from their Dad's and that add's up to promiscuous and pregnant. Don't be afraid to put your foot down, Mom...youre doing your son a favor and making it easier to explain to his friends "hey, my Mom didin't think it was a good idea".....Good Luck.

Answer 10

I don't see how letting him talk to a girl will hurt him.

Indeed, NOT letting him talk to her may harm him socially. He may become known as "momma's boy" or worse.

Just talk to him, and make sure he knows that if he is not interested in a "romantic" bond with this girl that he must tell her this.
He may need to know more about sex now. 13 is a very curious age. You may need to explain to him the dangers of following some of the urges he is having. The physical and emotional dangers.
The mistake many people tend to make with their children is FORBIDDING things without explanation. That's when young teens are most likely to start sneaking around.

If your relationship with him is as close as you say, then he will respect boundaries that you set for him.

Answer 11

This girl is out of control. The next time she calls tell her that her calls are becoming annoying. Yes, tell your son about it and tell him that this girl is too forward and doesn't act the way a 13 yo should. He is not ready for this kind of pressure. Let him enjoy being a kid.