My son's girlfriends parent is trying to force him to take a home drug test. He is not worried about passing, but I don't feel it is her place to do this. She is threatening that he can't see her daughter if he doesn't take it.
2006-06-23 05:27:56 · 43 answers · asked by #1nana 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Thank you for all the feedback. I agree with wanting to protect our children. But yes this woman is first of all very controlling. She will not even let her daughter go anywhere except work and to the store. The girl is just a few months shy of 17 and my son will be 17 in Dec. he is a responsible kid and so is she. They have been together for about 7 or 8 mos. BUT, she did not live with her mother for the last few years because of ..get this...the mother was in prison. We have found out that before she went to jail she was on drugs big time. I love his girlfriend but I really don't want him around this kind of drama. These two kids are very close but I don't want him being munipulated by her mother.
2006-06-23 07:35:23 · update #1
Oh, by the way, we have also raised a daughter who has turned out fine with a wonderful husband without us being a nazi parent.
2006-06-23 07:36:45 · update #2
I personally think she (the mother) is just trying to find a way to cause them to break up. She is a very insecure person. I have posted a few other things she has done. I think she is PSYCHO!
2006-06-23 08:22:20 · update #3
I understand protecting your children, but this poor girl cannot have ANY friends over. She is not allowed to go anywhere except work or with her Mom. She is overdoing this. Of course it is probably the guilt from not being around them most of their lives.
2006-07-06 08:12:33 · update #4
She can't force him to do anything, let alone something as invasive as submit to a drugs test. If he's not worried, it might be simpler jst to bite teh bullet and go along with it I suppose, but still, if it were me I'd consider the woman rude, offensive and possibly even emotionally unbalanced for even thinking such a thing. After all, she's essentially accusing your son of being a junky, guilty until proven innocent instead of vice-versa.
You also have the problem that the kits aren't even that accurate, if your son goes out and eats a poppyseed bagel, he could fail an opium test (it's a known problem with the things) when he's never so much as looked at a bag of heroin in his life.
2006-06-23 05:34:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As the gf's parents if they would mind you testing their daughter for STD's. After all STD's are much more life-threatening to me than drug use.
While legally they cannot force your son to take any test. If their daughter is a minor, they have the right to request whatever they want from their daughter's suitors.
I don't have a daughter however, I was a daughter, and if I had a daughter dating today I would ask the boy for:
He's be filling out an application complete with home address and telephone #'s. So many young people today only know cell #'s and screen names.
His driver's license to not only make sure he has a valid driver's license but also to write down the # just in case.
The make, model, and license plate # of the car
His full name so I could google him
His SS# so I could run a credit /criminal check on him
And three personal references not related with one preferably an ex girlfriend's MOM.
That's just my humble opinion.:-)
Below is a link to a "dating contracts" just an FYI
2006-06-23 06:46:12 · answer #2 · answered by pamspraises 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess they can "force" by not allowing to see their daughter. They certainly can't make him do it. Only you can do that. Maybe they make her take test too. As a mother of a girl, I can understand that they want to protect their daughter, but that is taking it to far.
Someone mentioned that he should stay away from her because the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree." What happened to not being accountable for out parents mistakes? You can't judge her by her parents. That isn't fair to her.
Maybe the parents are just controlling. Maybe they just want to make sure your son is not using drugs. You didn't say how long they have been seeing each other. If they just started going out, maybe they only want him to do it once and that will be it.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think they have a right to make him take the test. I do think they have a right to be concerned about who their daughter dates. It's up to him as to whether he takes the test or not. You never said how old the kids are. Maybe he should stand up to them, maybe that would be a mistake. Either way, they can't actually make him take that test.
2006-06-23 05:43:44 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the girlfriends mother is that way because she (mom) was a drug addict and in prison. I'm sure your son is a great kid and I'm sure the girlfriends mom knows that too, but because she was in that life she is only doing it to protect her daughter. I think all parties involved should have a sit-down and be open and honest about this. The mother is only trying not to have her child mixed-up in a life that she led in the past. And that is not being a nazi it's being a parent.
2006-07-06 04:13:23 · answer #4 · answered by mslu_k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that he needs to find a new girlfriend. It sounds like they are overly paranoid. If they want to control their daughter with an iron fist, it will only make her rebel. If he truely cares about her and knows he wont fail the test and they are paying for it, let him take it. But would you let your son associate with people who are like that?? If he is a shady character I could see their point. But if he's a good responsible kid would you allow him to subject himself to the emotions they are putting him through just to see their daughter.
I can see both sides though. Some parents are over protective and it only affects the relationship with their child. But as a parent you have the right to protect your kid as well, and yes some do go overboard. It can look one of two ways, that he is giving in to their demands just to see their daughter or he is respecting their wishes to protect their daughter.
Good luck with that one.
2006-06-23 05:36:01 · answer #5 · answered by southrntrnzplnt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, she can't do that. But maybe because of her previous lifestyle, she wants 2 protect her child. Maybe she ended up on drugs because of the company she kept. She is wrong, but I understand y she might b this way. She wants better things 4 her child than she had 4 herself. She may be coming off a little strong, but I don't think she's doing that just 2 b mean.
2006-07-06 07:51:20 · answer #6 · answered by triniallstar_4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure sure... Extremely stereo-typical... "you better be good with my daughter, or i'll (fill in the blank)"...
Listen.... If they're grueling him over that much? Their DAUGHTER is just as human, and just as capable of making a mistake, or worse. The poor guy is receiving such treatment due to un-educated parents or people who only think boys are criminals or delinquents. Does not the boy deserve protection as much as the girl does? I guess in people's minds... boys don't. And then they wonder why some boys act up. Yep, its the exact same reason why some GIRLS act up. People need get a clue and stop mistreating boys just because of their gender, and stereo-type. Can we say "by-product"? This is the direct degradation towards boys, just as ultra-feminists like it.
2006-07-04 05:12:57 · answer #7 · answered by Timmmay! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has every right to threaten him not to see her daughter if she suspects him of drug use. It's her daughter and if she is a minor she can make whatever rules she wants.
HOWEVER she has NO RIGHT to force your son to take a drug test. No one can do that other than you or law enforcement. A job can make him take it but only if he agrees to it, otherwise he would just not get hired.
You need to talk to this woman, and if you feel she has a good reasson for her suspicions, than you can make the decision to do the drug test yourself.
2006-06-23 05:30:11 · answer #8 · answered by e_r_c_15 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No they can't force him. Those parents are control freaks. I don't think your son needs to be around a family like that. That just seems to morally degrading...why do these people need to judge him.
To comment on anothers response: There was no indication that either party is a minor.
2006-06-23 05:30:18 · answer #9 · answered by johnnyinsnj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They can't make him do it. But, poor guy...... if thats the price he's gotta pay to be with his girl then he should do it. I mean I am not taking up for the parent of the girl cause I think they're pysco and I think that if this relationship goes anywhere in the future her parents will be right in the middle of it screwing it up.
2006-06-23 05:31:55 · answer #10 · answered by lil_gabby_2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋