any one have a funny joke?

Answer 1

This is your Captain

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to the Tampa Airport.

The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area".

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.

The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot, "So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're in Tampa?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge t_i_t_s out for dinner.... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long."

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot 's talking about.

Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane.
She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.
Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a s_h_i_t first."

Answer 2

Yeah, it's a little long though.
Me and a friend were sitting in a college class one day. We were talking about silly names people name their kids. The singer Brandy was bought up, so I said, "Are people crazy? Brandy was named after liquer. One day you're gonna walk down the street and run into some kid and ask him what the weirdest name for somebody is, but he'll say-"you're looking at one"
He'll tell you his whole family was named after cereal.
"yeah-my gay brother over there-his name's Fruitloop. You see him with his friend Lucky Charms. My sister is a stripper-her name's Trix. I got my dad who's got a serious dandriff problem-his name is Frosted Flakes. My little brother unfortuneately got the dandriff from my dad-his name's Frosted Mini Wheat. My grandmother's in her better old years-that's Golden Grams.
By the time you ask the kid his name he looks embarrassed.
"I was supposed to be a girl and since I'm half black it sounds even weirder-my names Coco Pebbles.

Sorry that was so long-I'm sure it's a lot funnier in person, since that one was one of my originals.

Answer 3

i just received this joke from a text message..

there is this boyfriend and girlfriend..
bf: "hon, let's do 69!"
gf: "what is 69?"
bf: "it's easy.."

then they positioned theirselves..
while in that position, the boy farted 4 times..

then the girl reacted and said "omg! i cant do this anymore! i cant take anymore the remaining 65!"

lolz..

Answer 4

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is banging on the front door who do you let in first.

The dog because at least he will shut up when he gets in the house.

Answer 5

What do you call a blonde holding a yellow balloon?
Twins!

Answer 6

A blonde gets on a elevator and a man is standing there and she turned and smiled at him and said; "Hi.....T.G.I.F." " S.H.I.T. " replied the man "Excuse me...how rude T.G.I.F." responded the blonde "S.H.I.T." replied that man "Maybe you don't know what I am saying, T.G.I.F means Thank Goodness It's Friday!" " You didn't understand me, S.H.I.T ....."Sorry honey, it's Thursday

Answer 7

have you heard about the new emo pizza?

It cuts itself

How do you get a emo kid down from a tree?

cut the rope

Answer 8

what is a pirates favorite subject? aaarrrrrrrttttt!!!!