I just started dating this girl, and I REALLY like her. We get a long great, her kids are great, and mine get along with her and her kids real well. Everything is awesome, but she is on the big side. I am trying to look past it, because I know it's what's inside that counts, but it's hard, because I have only dated real small women before. I really like her, and she has told me she really likes me, but I'm scared I could end up hurting her in time because of the weight. I know it's a bad thing, and I feel bad for it, or should I? She is big enough it isn't healthy, and I would be scared that something bad could happen over time. Please help me out here. I don't know what to do, :(
2006-06-23 05:02:44 · 39 answers · asked by Mr. Secret 2 in Health ➔ Diet & Fitness
well, i sure wasn't expecting to get called a bastard. I just had a question. If it was that big of a deal like some of you say, I wouldn't keep seeing her. She told me that she has just gotten big over the last few years, and she used to be really skinny. I just wanted some honest help, not a head bite off. :(
2006-06-23 05:13:55 · update #1
I am in the same boat. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and i want him to lose weight too. He is very lazy when it comes to walking so the benifit i have, is i cook him less fatty foods and don't buy as many sweets now . I have told him im going for a walk and he has actually came a few times. The problem is as a guy he don't care. Women tend to me more watchful with their weight. As in your case she may not really care neither what people think of her. So the first step is to see how she feels about her weight. If she would like to lose some weight then u got the cat in the bag and can start helping her. If she doesnt' care, well believe me she probably isn't going to try to lose any weight. It sounds like you haven't been together real long so i would give it sometime yet and see. She may surprise you. Let the relationship develop a little more before jumping into that. I wish u all the luck .
2006-06-23 05:18:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋
If you want to keep her happy then you must never tell her she needs to lose weight. You can do things to help her try and lose weight. No woman wants to hear that she needs to lose weight. Even when she knows its true.
Try exercising with her. Go for a walk or swim. Whatever you can talk her into doing, but offer to participate.
Also consider preparing a meal or two a week that is healthy. something as simple as grilling your food instead of frying it.
It simply helps to have others participate in "weight loss" behaviors. It makes them feel supported and also encourages them to keep trying. If you truly care for her and are concerned that her weight could be harmful to her health then taking an active role will be an easy thing for you to do. Hope this helps.
2006-07-01 17:50:00 · answer #2 · answered by lovelysweetmaiden 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you're really not looking past it. Are you really worried about her weight? Or are you worried about what others will think? If you really want her to lose weight, start suggesting healthier eating habits. Ask her everyday if she would like to go bike riding with the kids. Or ask her to go for a walk. Have a family baseball game. There are many things you can do to get her out there. You don't have to tell her, because then you'll hurt her feelings.
2006-06-23 05:08:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you could be near in love with her. During a quiet moment, tell her first how you feel about her and what she means to you. Then tell her you have fears for your joined future because of health issues that may crop up for her because of her weight. Ask her if she's ever felt uncomfortable with her weight and if she's ever tried to lose some of it. If she seems amenable, offer to do it with her. Every day. Offer her a ton of moral support and compliments and walk with her daily as a start. Work up to bike riding or joining a gym together. She's heavy for a reason...and it's not just eating. Eating is her way to ease her internal wounds...make her feel better, boost her self esteem. Tell her you're willing to do it alongside her. It may help to tell her your're concerned about your own health, the health of your heart and your cholesterol levels and you want to do this for you too...and her doing it with you as a team would also help keep you motivated. Good Luck.
2006-06-23 05:10:49 · answer #4 · answered by J Somethingorother 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, you are right. She should lose weight. But she either can't or won't. Nothing you are going to say is EVER going to change that. Keep your mouth shut at all costs. Either accept it, and her, the way it is knowing that it is probably going to kill her off early, or get the breaking up over with now and move on. But telling her to lose weight, even if it is the "right" thing to do, is just not going to work.
2006-06-23 05:07:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good that you're acknowledging it rather than ignoring your feelings until intimacy issues set in. You have no choice but to be honest. I'm sure she's well aware of her weight, and its probably something she's battled with many a time. You will end up hurting her AND the kids if you continue like this, and I don't think that your children should witness you having trouble with her weight. Good luck!
2006-06-23 05:12:12 · answer #6 · answered by carolinagrl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything that you are feeling is "normal". You are genuinely concerned for her and her health. What I would do is this, make sure it's just the two of you when you do this, you sit her down and you tell her how much you are concerned about her health. Don't make it too big of a deal though. DO let her know that you are not out to hurt her feelings in anyway and that you are there to support her every step of the way. Weight loss has to be soley her decision, but she needs to know that she has your support in doing that. She may even be thinking about losing weight now, but hasn't done anything about it b/c there hasn't been anyone there for her support wise.
I would be careful how you go to her about it. You don't want her to get or be defensive about it. Like it's been your plan all along. Like I said, sit her down, remind her how much you like her and want to be with her and how much you want things to work out with her and then tell her how concerned you are for her. Let her know that since you two have been dating, that it HASN'T been your plan to make her lose weight, it's just that you don't want anything to happen to her. Hope this helps you and good luck!
2006-06-23 05:21:51 · answer #7 · answered by MERILEI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, just be honest with her, let her know you are concerned for her health, and that you are not a shallow man just really worried about her. It could get touchy so you may end up a single shallow guy by the end of the conversation. But then you could go get cha a skinny chick, and hope you don't ever gain weight and get fat.
No I am not a fat girl, but if I was my fiance would love me anyway, because he is a real man.
2006-06-23 05:13:21 · answer #8 · answered by suziQ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is comfortable with herself, why does it matter? She should do it for herself, not for you. If you can't get past her weight, then spare her the hurt now and just end it. If you know its what is on the inside that counts, then why are you so hung up on this? You could be losing a really great girl over this.
2006-06-23 05:09:39 · answer #9 · answered by cup_o_shina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey man, you're a good person. And like you said, just asking an honest question. Anyone who actually reads your question can tell that. Try asking her to work out with you. Tell her maybe that you want to exercise with somebody instead of being alone or something like that. Hopefully she'll notice how good it makes her feel and be motivated to keep exercising
2006-07-02 14:46:33 · answer #10 · answered by High On Life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋