My adult daughter and her 3 1/2 yr old has lived with me for 4 yrs. I know it is not my place to bath, feed, wash clothes and entertain my granddaughter. At least, not all the time. But, if I don't, none of the above will get done. I tried asking for my daughters help and she is either sick or tells me she will do it in a minute, but she never gets around to it. I have tried telling her to do it. Nothing. I have tried not doing it at all, but after 1 week of no baths and dirty clothes, I broke down and did it . It's summer time for heaven sake. She stinks.... I know I shouldn't but I feel like I am neglecting my granddaughter if I don't do these things for her...What can I do? Please, I need some advise. (Telling her to shape up or leave is not an option. I would never do that to that my granddaughter....)
2006-06-23
05:00:32
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18 answers
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asked by
BlueAngel
5
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Family
I hope I didn't make it sound that she doesn't love or want the child. She does, she just doesn't seem to want the responsibility of taking care of her.
2006-06-23
05:21:52 ·
update #1
Ma'am just keep loving your granddaughter and realize that you are doing all those things for her. She will remember it when she gets older and thank you for it. You are a great lady and she is lucky ot have you.
2006-06-23 05:38:00
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answer #1
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answered by heartwhisperer2000 5
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Wow...I ususally only see these kinds of problems with younger kids (teenagers come to mind). But, I would recommend this:
Talk to her when there is no pressure on either of you. Maybe over lunch, while the baby is taking a nap, etc.
Tell her that you really need her help and that maybe you could draw up a contract with her for her part of the responsibilities. Then, as sort of a "payment" for your end of the contract, you could offer to baby sit, say once every two weeks, for her to go out by herself on a Saturday night? She would have motivation to pick up her end of the contract. Of course the consequences for not holding up her end of the contract means she loses what ever "bonuses" you are willing to give her for that week or time period. If that doesnt work, try planning a week away from "the family" and leave her on her own to fend for herself and the baby. She will get the point real quick, especially if you do it more than once. I don't know if you are in a position to leave the household for a whole week. If not, try to do at least 2 or 3 days. If that doesn't work, then suggest that she contact state welfare and start looking for an assisted living program. No one should spend their entire life living off their parent. That is just enabling your child to continue with the bad habits and never makes her self-reliant. Hope this helps!!! Good Luck!!!
2006-06-23 05:10:32
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answer #2
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answered by viclioce 3
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You may have to do the tough-love thing with her. You have to be firm with her, in your next approach. Next time you ask your daughter to bathe her, and she says, in a minute, respond immediately, and say "No, now"! and keep on her until she does it! Continue on like that for all areas of concern regarding your grand-daughter. Neglectful behavior should not be tolerated. If it means you have to call the child services, do it, and/or advise her that it is your intention, unless she can prove to you otherwise that she can and will take care of her daughter. That may sound harsh, but what would be worse, that your daughter move out somewhere you know not and continues to neglect her beautiful child? You must take action to make a difference sometimes...and don't feel guilty about caring and loving your family! Feel glad, that you did something about it! It is our job to be good parents, not always easy, but still our responsibility! Hope that helps, wishing you strength and courage that may be needed in the process of your grand-daughters future...good luck!
2006-06-23 05:37:17
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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~Hello
You don't have to feel guilty for what you have done because it is just natural that one gets frustrated about this kind of stuff..instead you can actually perhaps shower more love on your granddaughter or even your daughter to show that you really care for them . this might " wake " your daughter up such that she might come to a realization that you've been a great father to her! But also do come to the point about the situation you are facing.. perhaps you can meet her for dinner one day and after that a stroll in the park and break to her about this issue..
However. don't ever do that to your granddaughter again or you might live to regret should there be any consequences that you would never forgive yourself.. love your family dude even though there may be challenges like these...
Hope you would find my solution useful to your problem
bye!
~gt
2006-06-23 05:19:43
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answer #4
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answered by tys 2
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Tough love with your daughter and not your granddaughter. Take pictures of your daughter and her filth and then show them to her and tell her you will go and obtain custody of her daughter and boot her. I would also tell her as long as she is under your roof she will start following your rules and housekeeping and hygiene are included.
Then follow through with gaining custody of she does not improve.
Good mothers are not born, they are taught. And you sound like a great mom. I hope your daughter starts listening to you, for both your sake and your granddaughters.
Good Luck, I will keep Good Thoughts.
2006-06-23 05:07:40
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answer #5
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answered by lovethebeanie 3
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Try talking to your daughter again, if that doesn't work talk to your doctor. Do you think your daughter might be depressed? Or does she not see what having a child means?
Someone needs to help her understand that her daughter needs her for her care. As a grandmother it sounds like you are doing a good job but I think your daughter needs help (not just you taking care of her child)
I hope that things get better for all of you.
2006-06-23 05:09:08
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answer #6
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answered by Mad Mum 3
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It is called tough love. Sometimes we have to do things that make us feel bad but we know it is the correct thing to do. 1st if your daughter is grown and does not want to wash her daughters dirty clothes then I think she needs to sleep with the dirty clothes. I had a similar situation with my son. He never wanted to take out the trash when it was him and his friends dirtying my home. I would throw the trash on his bed.
Then when I got fed up with it all he found his clothes outside in trash bags and my locks changed. Unfortunately your grand daughter is young. If she is not being cared for then perhaps your daughter is not fit to be her mother.
I would still take care of my grand kid but my grown child would come home to locks changed and clothes outside in a trash bag.
The reward of your grand child being taken care of in a healthy environment (meaning you) would be enough to rid yourself of guilt.
2006-06-23 05:11:32
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answer #7
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answered by Lezzz 2
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It sounds like you're an "easy out" for your daughter. She escapes doing the hard work because you just do it. She's pretty lucky and fortunate to have you! You've got to put your put down and do the things you want and let her know you've already raised your child now she has to raise her child.
2006-06-23 05:04:06
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answer #8
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answered by ? 6
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there is no excuse for this. you need to confront your daughter...with out the grand daughter there. let her know that you would have never put her through the things that her child goes through. Your daughter maybe depressed (sounds like it to me), but she still needs to take care of her child.
2006-06-23 05:40:34
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answer #9
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answered by cookies_n_cream0218 5
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well some times it helps when you tell her that you will take the baby from her until she grows up works I am not saying to be mean but the best thing my mother could have done for me is tell me that when the baby was born if I didnt take care of him she would take me to court and get custody until I could take care of him properly but you could just say that you want her to take responsibility for her baby tell her that you will still help her when she needs it but that she needs to learn how to deal with having this baby I wish you the best of luck and I hope that I said something usefull for you
2006-06-23 05:09:48
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answer #10
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answered by crystal a 3
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