Me and my boyfriend have been together fot six months and things are going well except for one thing. . .
He is one of thoese lads who has alot of female friends (which does not bother me at all) and even still has a good friendship with his ex, which is nice. Even to the extent where he goes round for a brew and they occasionlly ring each other etc.
Ive recently come from a six year relationship and during that relationship I lost alot of friends for different reasons. Now i have this fab new live and have been getting in contact with alot of old friends. . one of them being my ex, ex, ex, ex, ex (and so on) boyfriend. He has asked my to go and see him to catch up (only). The problem being I live in the North of England and he lives in the south, which means I would have to stay over if I went to see him!! Bearing in mind this is innocent, what should I do.
My boyfriend has a problem with this. . .is it me or does it seem like one rule for one and another rule for the other?
2006-06-23 04:54:19 · 14 answers · asked by Phoenix 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't think you are out of order.
I take it your boyfriends problem is one of trust? So, if you were to ask him 'Don't you trust me to go stay with a friend?' would he say no he doesn't? If thats the case you have a big problem in your relationship. You need trust in a relationship or pretty soon you won't be able to do anything on your own.
This sounds like a problem that HE has to deal with and learn how to trust you. You should say that you have no problem with him seeing female friends, and you expect the same from him.
You don't say how old you are, but if you've been in a previous relationship for 6 years, I guess you're not kids anymore.
Anyway, you should be quite firm over this - if your partner can't trust you it will make for a very difficult relationship.
Hope that helps, good luck!
2006-06-23 05:07:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that your boyfriend is right to have a problem with this. It isn't one rule for one one for another as you say because he does not go and sleep over at his ex's. Sleeping over is a whole different thing to being friends and spending the evening together.
You should go and see your ex if you want to but you will need to make other arrangements for accomodation. You could stay with a feamle friend, stay with family, book a hotel room or if that's too expensive stay in a Youth Hostel or camp. On no account should you stay at his house for the night. Show your boyfriend that you respect him by behaving politely.
2006-06-23 06:07:55 · answer #2 · answered by Fluorescent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No there's no hypocrisy going on here. You said that your boyfriend pops in for tea and an occasional chat on the phone with his ex; what you want to do is STAY OVER NIGHT at your ex's that's a big difference!!
Please think about this carefully would you really feel comfortable if he stayed over at his ex's, I don't think so!!
If your so bothered at wanting to meet up with your ex ex ex ex ex why can't he come up and see you and then that'll put your boyfriend at ease. If your fella stays the night and sees there's no hanky panky going on, he might even say yes to you going down south next time.
2006-06-23 05:11:35 · answer #3 · answered by Sweetcakes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like it's one rule for him and one for you. Why should he be able to keep in contact with old flames and not you? If you are in a trusting relationship it really has to swing both ways. How would he react if you asked him to stop seeing his ex?
You have to ask yourself this question though - is there any chance you may get carried away and end up doing something you may regret? Also, are his relationships purely platonic? You need to get these issues sorted now if your relationship is to continue. all the best.
2006-06-23 05:10:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your man has a point! If I were him I'd be concerned, but wouldn't stop you at all!
Your man is not staying overnight at his female friends houses so what makes you think that what you plan to do is the same as what he's doing?
If you are happy for your man to sleep over at his female friends houses, then go...but expect him to either do the same or leave you!
Good luck!
2006-06-23 05:03:28 · answer #5 · answered by Zane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to mix your mates... that way you as a couple can go over to each of the exs houses. Plus the exs meet each set of mates and hopefully pair of with someone of their own which would make life easier and you have more mates
2006-06-23 05:36:11 · answer #6 · answered by Joey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My partner and I split over his ex.. she would call once a week for an hour or two long chat, send relevant greeting cards that were more suited for a teenage boyfriend (not one cm of card was un-written) and after a while (cutting a long story short) she stayed at ours. cutting again, she was being a bit too nice to me, so i read his mobiles texts... one said "i'd finish it, you're not suited to her".. i flipped, she basically didn't want him to have anyone and split us up.. a few days later he turned up in tears, and we're still together 3 years later! and no she isn't in our lives anymore.
2006-06-23 09:18:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy. You both go down south, make a weekend of it and ex can meet current.
Why not when you think about it!
2006-06-23 06:55:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he stays over the ex's at night you can too. But if there has been no staying over with him, you shouldn't.
2006-06-23 05:00:38 · answer #9 · answered by Shebaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with shebaby but from experience i can tell you that as you get older opposite sex friends can really cause problems. you share your friends and it will work better. why don't you both go to stay! you've got to let each other in!
2006-06-23 07:33:12 · answer #10 · answered by minerva 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋