My biological dad that I met 8 years ago (I was adopted) keeps wanting to borrow money from me? I want to help him when I've got it but sometimes I don't have it and I feel guilty and give him money anyway and I go without? Is it selfish of me to resent him when it was me that gave him the money?
2006-06-23 03:22:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
A simple, "sorry, I don't have it" is fine. I would understand. Don't feel guilty and don't do without. Who exactly earned the money you are giving away? Why is he borrowing? Doesn't he work?
Shame on him for putting you in this spot. You owe him nothing.
Your resentment might come from not being able to say no. Just say it.
2006-06-23 04:37:27 · answer #1 · answered by Mache 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop giving him money and get him out of your life. I know that it sounds so terrible to hear that. But it's true. (my boyfriends dad is the same way) This man couldn't be responsible enough to at least help with the kids that he had. He chose to run off. And still to this day he calls and asks for money. He has been a mooch his entire life and has had a free ride. It's not fair to you to have to loan your dad money. I'm sure that this upsets your parents (adopted) very much. They didn't try to give you a better life so that he could come back in and try to make it bad for you all over again. Do yourself a favor and let him go. Or make it clear that you will never let him borrow money. Either way your life will be better. Besides don't you deserve better from a person. No matter what their relationship is to you?
2006-06-23 03:31:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off, you do not have to give him money! You do not owe him anything. Do not let him make you feel guilty. I was in this same situation a few years back and I hope your heart does not become broken like mine did. The only thing you should be offering is a relationship, friendship, and possibly love. Please ask yourself, "what did he do before we found each other?"
2006-06-23 03:31:25 · answer #3 · answered by foolograce72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you want to help your father. You love him, and want to be there for him. BUT, you can't always help. Sometimes you have to say no. If you don't have the money, then you don't have the money. Don't feel guilty for saying no.
2006-06-23 03:29:50 · answer #4 · answered by WEIRDRELATIVES 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are selfish at all, on the contrary. i think you might have to make it clear that why he always need to borrow money from you. its quite strange. does he has a ability to work? if yes, no need to lend him money though he is your dad. he needs to learn to live in this world by himself. i feel shame for him in fact as a dad, a man, to keep borrowing money from you while you yourself is also struggling in this world. think about it. its not worthy. better to help him find a job. gd luck
2006-06-23 03:33:19 · answer #5 · answered by Molly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you feel guilty about giving him money? he should feel guilty about asking for it. you dont have to give him money just because he asks for it.does he tell you what he needs it for? hmmmmmm. does he have a job? i dont think so. you work hard for your money and you dont have to give it to him. tell him that you cant keeep giving him money. you have to live too. he is a grown man tell him to take care of himself. unless it is a dire emergency life or death, dont give him any more money what does he do for you? nothing i bet.if you dont have a good relationship with him.break it off,,,,,,,, it sounds like he is using you.
2006-06-23 03:34:45 · answer #6 · answered by glowworm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever considered that you're not actually helping him by giving him money? You're just teaching him that he doesn't need to do anything for himself as long as he can mooch off of someone.
2006-06-23 05:19:48 · answer #7 · answered by onyxflame 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is wrong of him to keep asking you for money! He's supposed to be the grown up. Has he been paying you back? Does he add something to your life, or is he using you? I certainly hope he's added something to your life.
2006-06-23 04:33:43 · answer #8 · answered by loshea65 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop giving him money he's the parent not you
2006-06-23 03:28:34 · answer #9 · answered by boredgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is abusing you. Stop him cold. Say no every single time, whether you have it or not. You can't afford it and it is inappropriate anyway. I can't believe the guy's chutzpah.
2006-06-23 03:30:41 · answer #10 · answered by sonyack 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋