I really don't feel safe letting my child go anywhere with this man. He hasn't done anything for my child the whole 9 months of his life. He smokes and drinks and lives about 100 miles away from me. Am I supposed to trust him with my child or how can I get his rights taken from him?
2006-06-23 02:35:53 · 18 answers · asked by LADY H 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
By smoking I mean Marijuana and drinking I mean coughsyrup and vodka. "lean"
2006-06-23 02:57:07 · update #1
Unfortunately, you most likely will not be able to get his rights taken away. It is very difficult to do so, almost impossible, and usually a court will not do so unless there is another person willing to step in and adopt. He has rights, just as you do, and the amount of rights that he has varies from state to state. Some states give full physical and legal custody to the mother by default if the parents are not married, but in others full physical to the mother and joint legal. The state I'm in, NY, is one of the latter.
Smoking? Yeah, that matters. When you have a custody and visitation agreement drawn up you can ask that he not smoke around the child. Can it be enforced? That's not so simple. Drinking? Has he ever had a DUI or DWI? Drinking isn't illegal either, unless he's driving while doing it. If he has, and it's documented, that will help you. Otherwise, it's not so simple. It's definitely not illegal.
Has he not seen the child in all of 9 months? Has he given any form of support at all? If he has not seen the child at all, you can suggest a ramp-up to full visitation rights. Support and visitation are two separate issues, but if he has been helping out, he deserves credit for that.
What you need to avoid is the "my child" bit. Get used to saying "our" rather than "my". In a custody battle, the courts look at which parent is most willing to foster a good relationship between the child and the other parent. They frown upon statements like "Am I supposed to trust him with my child?" because yeah, you are. It's his child, too. Unless he does something severe to warrant the removal of those rights, he has as many as you do. Your child does, as well.
If you have a lawyer, I suggest you talk to him or her. If you do not, I suggest you call one. Most will give initial consultations for free or for very little. Research! You need to know the laws in your state. Good luck. It's not an easy road you're on. The most important thing, though is to remember... it's not about you, and it's not about him. It's about your child. Except in the most severe of cases, your child has the rights to both parents. You two just have to make it work, or it will get ugly.
2006-06-23 02:50:17 · answer #1 · answered by Quilt4Rose 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to take the unpopular approach her not directed at you but the first thought that came into my head as a bit of a warning to others. This is who you chose, on purpose or not, to father your child and more than likely he was exactly as he is now when the two of you were making the baby. That being said if you want to do something about the situation you need to go to court unless the father is willing to give up his rights - which is usually not the case even if he doesn't want anything to do with the kid. You will not be able to relinquish the father's rights. Him living far, drinking and smoking are not facts that would warrant him not having the right to be a parent just as it would not be a reason for someone to take your child away from you. Your best bet would be to get a visitation order that requires supervision. then you have to make sure you follow the order when he ask for a visit. That is your child's father whether you like it or not & unless you bad mouth him (not a good idea) your son will eventually want to know him.
2006-06-23 19:27:12 · answer #2 · answered by Attysholl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If it's his kid he has the same rights as you do regardless of your perception of him . He could also challenge your right to custody even. So my advice is do whats right for the child and put hard feelings aside, perhaps you've done this.Eliminating dads who smoke or have a drink would sure create alot of homeless children in this country.But its the kid whom is most important in this situation if the man has not paid child support or provided any assistance for the child then he has acted foolishly and irresponsibly and you have cause to take action. But don't base it on your personal feelings about him solely on your broken relationship. I'm not disagreeing with you here but just putting an outside perspective on the situation so please just consider it that and not an attack on you , it isn't intended that way. I would first see that he pays child support for the kids sake and express your fears to an attorney if they aren't based on personal hard feelings but of a true fear for the kids well being. Supervised visitation may be an answer. The 100 mile distance adds to your concerns for sure I can understand that. I hope all works out for you and just one more piece of advice. Don't use the child and denial of his parental rights to punish the man because of your relationship ending. And don't speak ill of him regardless of the circumstances in front of the child as it grows , in time the kid will develope their own perspective, let it happen that way. Good luck and I hope the father steps up to the plate and does the responsible things a father should. Just don't let the child be used as a personal vendetta to punish the man because that would be wrong. Base your decision on facts and take action if you then feel it necessary to do so.
2006-06-23 10:19:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not something you can just get taken from him. You have to go through the courts and it is long process. Being that you both are the parents you both should have time with the baby. You should be able to take his rights just because you don't like him, let the courts decide on that . And you can say whatever you would like about him but you better have proof he is the way that you are saying he is, because most of the time the courts say that it is the best interest to see both parents. Just think about what you are doing before you go and take kids away from their other parent.
2006-06-23 09:41:02 · answer #4 · answered by Nicole R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! I wouldn't, if I didn't feel safe about it. See if you can get the father to visit the baby at your house for awhile. That way, you can watch how he interacts, keep the baby safe, and teach dad how to care for the baby correctly. It's not like, with an older child, they would want private time to talk or do stuff together. Make it clear to him that he cannot smoke around your baby. Make sure that, if he wants to start taking the baby later, he takes an infant CPR class. This will reinforce to him that you are serious about it, and that he would be having a baby's life in his hands. If he hasn't even yet made any requests to see the baby, then talk to a lawyer about how to get his visitation rights removed. It would make sense, to protect you from him showing up at your doorstep. And if he fights it, then let him know what he needs to learn before he takes that baby out of your home.
2006-06-23 09:44:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should go with your instincts on this one. If you feel uncomfortable about your child being alone with his father have supervised visitations at a location of your choice. Make sure you know where the father is at all times when he does have your baby. See if you can get him to sign over full custody to you. If you can prove he is an unfit parent no judge would allow your child to be with someone that could be a danger to him.
Good luck.
2006-06-23 09:40:28 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can petition the court to only allow supervised visitation. Sometimes depending on things they have done it will be granted however, if he has never put your child in harms way don't hold your breath. There have been cases in the past where fathers have tried to kill mothers and not "lost" visitation rights. Good Luck :-)
2006-06-23 09:38:09 · answer #7 · answered by Karen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sofreaking tired of mom's being that way! If you're not okay with him being alone with this child (which he DID help make) than spend the time with them both! Don't just drop the child off. He/she has a right to know their father. No matter what YOU may think of him because of how things worked out between the 2 of you.
2006-06-23 09:39:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would take him to court and tell the judge I had the same problem with my sons dad and we lived in California at the time well I took him to court and now we live in Arkansas what i am tring to say is just be carful and hurry to go to court because it could get worse I wish you the best no matter what you choose the person that goes to court first gets the temp orders so you need to go and state what it is that you want
2006-06-23 11:49:23 · answer #9 · answered by crystal a 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
unless he is willing there is no way to take his rights away from him however you can get an attorney and tell them you dont feel safe with him takeing the child and go to court to see if you can get supervised visits that way the child isnt alone with him
2006-06-23 09:39:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋