My 7 yr old son keeps stealing! Any advice??

Question

I tell him off for it, and I tell him it's wrong, and why it's wrong, but he thinks that if I stop him from having sweets, that justifies him stealing money from his brother to go to the shop and buy some! I've tried keeping stuff where he can't get it, but he sneaks in when I'm not around, and I'm worried he'll turn into a kleptomaniac/thief.

To clarify, my son is not allowed to go to the shop on his own. He snuck out of the house when I was busy, and I didn't know that he'd gone, or that he'd taken his brother's money. When I found out what he'd done, I allowed his brother to smack him, and he was sent to bed early. Earlier that day I'd been to assembly, in which he was awarded a Merit certificate for being happy at school, and he has been "Star of The Week". The problem started when he steals food - mostly fruit - to the extent that he eats most of the snack food I buy for the week sneakily all the time, and there is nothing for the rest of us. This is purely greed. So I told him he could have no pocket money until he stopped stealing food. He then got annoyed at having no pocket money, and still asks for sweets, which I have banned, as sweets are only allowed if he has done well, but not all the time. His solution was to steal from his brother and sneak to the shop to buy some sweets himself.

Answer 1

Your local police department love helping out in cases like this. They can scare him in to stopping. they will do a fake arrest and show him how he will be treated as a law breaker. give them a try.

Answer 2

Just a thought? Why is he out on his own going to the shops at 7? I have a 7 year old and he is always with an grown up and would not have the opportunity to steal or at least spend the money!
But that dont help you just now I guess. I would find a punishment, payback plus no playstation or gameboy or whatever. Tell him the consequences before so he knows what they are. Then he has a choice to make. If this dont work involve the police to scare him.

Answer 3

I'll be the first to say this.

Make sure his sugar cravings aren't medical!!!!

If he's stealing ONLY candy, and only money to buy candy, that that could indicate he's not stealing for the thrill but to fill a need. Give him sweet fruits like oranges or apples to eat, and see if that helps. He may have a medical condition driving him to eat sweets as much as he can, just as some people with other vitaman deficinies will chew on pencils and such without even knowing why.

Here's some tips if its not medical

1)make him pay back his brother double.
2)inform the shopkeeper or cashiere that he is using stolen money.
3) do not give him any money whatsoever, therefore he has no money to spend

Answer 4

My son at the age of 7 was developing a problem with stealing well working in the military I was able to get a few of my MP buddies to help me he stole (attempted) some stupid candy bar form the store well they actually had a cop there at the store I talked personally with the lady and asked her if I could make a call and handle this myself and that on behalf of my son I was sorry. Well he was already crying the lady gave him a big scare. But my buddies get there and put him in the back of the squad car and took him down to the PMO gave him a change of clothes and told him the maximum punishment for theft and how it can riun his whole life and tole him that he was only going to get to see his parents once a month for 30 min for the next 5 years of his life and will have to go back to school 5 years older than everyone else in his class and explain that he was a thief and just left him in his own little cell. Well he finally cried himself to sleep and my buddies called me and said I could come get him. Now the consequences of my actions were a pissed off wife she thought I should have done that but the positvie I have yet 3 years later find out he has taken anything that didn't belong to him. You may think it was serious overboard what I did but as parents we are help reliable for our kids and can be punished for there actions, So since I didn't want him to ruin his life I took the most appropriate action i deemed necessary. So my advice to you call you local police department not 911 and talk to them about helping your child i know in our county there is actually a program for young children who may become a future criminal due to there childhood behaviors. Should check it out

Answer 5

Tell him again and again if that's what it takes! Stealing is bad and you don't want him doing bad things. When you are out shopping, try a little humiliation. Make him sit in your shopping cart, if he'll fit. If not, make him keep one hand on it close to you! Keep your eye on him. If you catch him, make him take it back and apologize!! The humility thing works and is good for him. The key is to stay consistent. Make him apologize to his brother as well and anyone else. This may bring out some tears. Don't feel sorry for him, tears are good because it proves he finally shows some understanding for his wrongdoings.
Also, the candy thing-- buy some "special snacks" which are given once a day for GOOD behavior. He will see that it is rewarding and deter him from doing bad.

Answer 6

You've had some good advice but I think that there is more to this than meets the eye.
I'm sure that at 7 your son knows that what he is doing is considered wrong by other people; maybe it just doesn't feel wrong to him. When he is stealing money off his brother, what he is thinking and feeling might be more along the lines of "you can't stop me, you can't tell me what to do." And when he is doing it that feeling is more important to him than what anyone else thinks.
Its as if he can't relate to how other people feel about having their trust betrayed by him, what he wants at that moment in time is more important. There is a social skill called "delayed gratification"; does he ever have trouble waiting to get what he wants? Birthdays or whatever?
So I'd agree that you could try a short sharp shock by having either him or the both of you arrested; but what if he isn't scared or repentant? In that case he'll learn that all that happens is you get put in a room for a bit then yet another adult nags you then you're sent home. With most kids the 'consequence' of stealing is the nasty time in the police station, but for some kids they just ride it out and realise it doesn't hurt them. They start to think "you can't touch me" on top of "you can't tell me what to do". They start to feel immune. Then when they are older they get a shock when they pick on the wrong person.
You know your sons character better than us, and you are aware of how he reacts when you tell him off. I'd guess he's unrepentant.
I think that to start with you need to make some time to sit him down and explain to him that what he is doing is wrong and unacceptable; that there are long term consequences; that other people won't trust him more than once. That he is breaking other peoples trust and they will feel betrayed.
Then ask him how he expects you to react when he is caught stealing? What does he expect you to do?
Also explain to him that as you're are family he can expect you to love him and treat him with respect; so how come he won't return it? And that as soon as he is caught outside of the family they will not be so careful about how they deal with it. Make it clear that you won't protect him from the consequences.
Having made it clear to him that his behaviour is a problem, I think you also need to get outside professional help. Get him a proper counsellor, not just a few sessions at school, and let them try to get to the bottom of this.
Good luck, I think this lad sounds like a handful. I'm not sure how I'd cope in your shoes, its easy to sit here and give advice but I think we all realise that you're going through a tough time.

Answer 7

firstly i wouldnt worry too much about him becoming a kleptomaniac a lot of kids steal at that age espcially if they feel they are being denied something unfairly (i am not saying you are being unfair in denying him sweets just that he may feel you are)

he could also be unhappy are there problems at home or school.

try talking to him about how he feels why he does it how does it make him feel when he steals etc and if he has any worries
do this at a time when he can have undivided attention and he is not being rushed to give an answer

you could try talking to his teacher at school there is no need to say what he is doing just that his behaviour at home concerns you and you are concerned there may be problems at school

if none of this helps and you feel you need outside help it may be possible to get help via the school it may be possible to have a councillor come in to talk to him at school. this may be easier for your son as he may find it easier to talkto someone outside the family

also be sure to praise him whenever he does anything well or tries hard or behaves well this will help boost hi self esteem

good luck i hope it all works out for you

Answer 8

The best thing to do is to hold him accountable. The next time he steals money and goes and buys something: make him apologize to brother and then go to the store and tell the owner what he did.
If it happens again after that, take him down to the local police department and have them talk nicely but firmly to him. They will tell him what happens to someone that steals and they will not be mean to a child.
You could try reverse psychology too.

Answer 9

Instead of arguing and giving him attention, try laughing at him. Let him feel that what he is doing is really babyish. Show him that people who act like a baby get treated like one and change his bedtime so he has to go earlier. Get your family to participate on this one. To be honest, you need to find the cause. I presume he knows the difference between right and wrong so something is making him do it. Have you asked him why he does it. How does his brother deal with the theft? A good slap from him may stop him!

Answer 10

Your son is 7 and stealing!... what is he going to do at 15.

I would get as much help now as possible, if you let it go it only going to get worse. It appears that yelling is not helping the issue. Why does he steal? Is there something that would drive him to steal at this age? I would take him to talk to someone professional, it seems like there is a bigger issue that is driving your son's actions.

PS cut off any kind of video games reenforcing that kind of behavior... im not saying video games are the root of evil, but i he doesn't need any additional "how to lessons" from the latest grand theft auto ect.

Answer 11

Stealing his stuff will only teach him ( that's what you do) ... I would take away all his priviledges and toys and give him them back one at a time when he earns them, that way you are teaching him respect and responsibility.

One question though...... Why is he allowed to go to the shop on his own at 7 years old? This is very dangerous and would pose the question..... Is he allowed to get away with most things.

Sorry but there is always a seed from which to grow.