As i have mentioned in my earlier Questions i am getting very attached with my gf's 19 month old son and i am

Question

doing just about everything i fancied doing to my own son. Constantly I keep shipping toys, books, kids DVD's, photo calenders, etc to my gf in warsaw and i am worried if she or her mom might start wondering abt me showing excessive attention towards the kid and everytime i call her i bug her to hand over the phone to him. Eventhough he still doesnt speak properly i enjoy listening to the sounds of him and i have started telling my friends that its my own son surprising everyone. Shuld i reduce the frequncey of sending gifts to the kid? and shuld i stop claiming to my friends that its my own son?

Yes we have decided to get married end of this year. Eventhough i am 26 i have been in closed doors for long times and have not seen the real world until 3 years ago and just like my dad i have great affection for kids but i love my gf dearly and the fact that the kid is from her own blood makes me love him more. I asked her if its ok with you if i claim that he is my own son ...she said ok .

She is not a mail order bride from poland. We are just like any other couple but recently she left to poland on vaccation and have extended her vaccation to stay longer with her kid.

Answer 1

Whoa! I see way too many red flags from this question and something isn't quite right here...

Let me list my reasons from your quotes:

1) "i am doing just about everything i fancied doing to my own son"
*** doing to or doing for? And what exactly do you mean by just about everything?

2) "every time i call her i bug her to hand over the phone to him"
*** who are you calling in the first place, her or her little boy???

3) " i have started telling my friends that its my own son surprising everyone"
*** gee, i wonder why???

4) "i have been in closed doors for long times and have not seen the real world until 3 years ago"
*** enclosed for a long time? OK- which prison were you in and what were you charged with, pedophilia?

5) "and the fact that the kid is from her own blood makes me love him more"
*** that remark alone is scary

6) "recently she left to Poland on vaccation and have extended her vaccation to stay longer with her kid"
*** for the sake of her toddler, I hope she stays in Poland for a long, long time

7) "I asked her if its ok with you if i claim that he is my own son"
*** why claim him as yours if he isn't? If you're truly legitimate, you'd offer to adopt him and NOT PRETEND he's your property (ahem, son)

8) "and just like my dad i have great affection for kids"
*** dads love their children, not just have "great affection" for them - you make this child sound like an appetizer at a buffet lunch (BTW, at least 1/4 of all victims of incest-pedophilia do the same thing to other children and your quote makes my neck hair stand on end!)

9) "Constantly I keep shipping toys, books, kids DVD's, photo calenders, etc to my gf in warsaw and i am worried if she or her mom might start wondering abt me showing excessive attention towards the kid"
*** 3 flags right here: constantly sending gifts to the child - worried your gf & her mother will see how excessive (obsessive) you are about the child - you want to claim him as your son yet keep referring to him as "the kid"

Sorry dude, but you're way too creepy to be around little kids and I hope your girlfriend and her mother will realize it as well before you have a chance to be alone with him...

Your question and comments reek of what a child molester's mind is like and I seriously suggest you get seen for a psychiatric evaluation to find out why you're more obsessed with the child than his mother

Answer 2

I read your other question - You never met the kid?? Is this woman a mail order bride from Poland? You sound a little disturbed. The only way to form an attachment with a child is to be there and be in their life - with the consent of the parent. Spoiling a child is NO WAY to encourage their affection. If things don't work out with you and the mom, you are only hurting the child. Why don't you back off a bit - he's not your son and your situation sounds really, really messed up.

Answer 3

I think it's great that you are building a relationship with her son, especially if you plan on being with her permanently. My fiance bonded so well with my daughter that she knows no other father. Her father hasn't been around since she was 14 months old, and now she's 5 years old. It's very important that there be some stability shown to the child on his mother's part. And by being with you permanently, she's doing just that. However, I think that since the child is not yours, then you should try not to become too overly involved unless the mother wants you to. Every parent has their own boundaries for their children, and they can easily be protruded upon when a step-parent comes into the picture. If she doesn't want you to get so close, talk to her and find out why. If she doesn't mind, and she plans on staying with you and getting married, then go right ahead. Just keep in mind the father. If he is around, then you have to keep his feelings and thoughts about his son before yours. If he's not around, and the mother feels that you would be a good father to her son, then go for it. Nothing would have worked out better for me in that situation.

Answer 4

Just reading this makes me nervous! You sound a bit over the top, especially if you haven't met the child. IF all thoughts and feelings are legally and morally intact I would say be careful for yourself and the child. Your relationship may break up and then the boy will have another father figure to leave which is not good for him. You will also be left in the dust with nothing but toy bills and shipping costs! You seem more infatuated with the boy than his mom. Be careful because it just doesn't sound healthy at all!

Answer 5

It is fine as long as you love your future wife as much. My husband adopted my two children from my first marriage and he has been a wonderful father. Just be sure you are marrying the mother for her and not her child because that may be creepy. I think you are on the right track. Good luck but remember if you spoil him too much you will pay a horrible penalty later. My kids call my husband dad before we were married so what is wrong with you referring to him as your son if he is going to be anyway. When you you have not been out, have you been incarcerated for some reason? Just curious.

Answer 6

I agree with RedHeadPhred's answer. There is something sick and weird about you! I looked at Red's reply then surfed for info on molesters and similar sickos. Many things you wrote do match up with some of the common traits of a molester's mentality.

I'm not making accusations, but there are enough common factors to make me concerned too. I doubt you are a harmless guy trying to be a good father to a little kid since you seem to lack the desire to concentrate on an adult relationship.

http://www.childluresprevention.com/research/molester.asp

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/child_abuse_and_recovery/92325

http://voicelessvictims.org/2005/11/psychological_profile_of_a_chi.php

http://www.co.whatcom.wa.us/sheriff/sexoffenders/pedophile.jsp

http://www.jeffersonsheriff.org/characteristics.html

http://pedowatch.com/pedophiles.htm

http://www.johntysonjr.com/identify-childmolesters.html

Answer 7

I think it's great that you can be so attached to a child that isn't your own. It sounds like you'll make a great dad. I see nothing wrong with what you're doing! If you're going to marry this girl, her son is going to be a part of your life! If you're worried about sending so many gifts, why don't you ask her what she thinks? She might be thinking that you love her son more than her! LOL.Anyway, I think it's great!

Answer 8

I had a child when I met my 2nd husband. She has been HIS since day one. I think it is wonderful that you are willing to fill the shoes of the father role and it only shows a sense of unbinding responsibility and love to both mother and child. You are the exception to the rule as is my husband! I think your current actions should stay the same because it makes a HUGE statement to the fact that you are a dedicated family man and that paternity is not a factor for you! Speaking from the position of BEING a step-child, I can tell you that I take NO GREATER PRIDE than in the fact that my step-father has NEVER introduced me to ANYONE as anything but "MY DAUGHTER". NEVER "MY STEP-DAUGHTER". It's about love and acceptance and dedication! Trust me when I tell you that how you treat that child is going to affect him/her the rest of his/her life and doing what you are doing is only going to improve the odds of it turing out well int he end! I say "HOORAY for you"!!! Good man!

Answer 9

You might want to hold back just a little. What if you two break up before you have a chance to get married?? It is a very hard situation when you get attached to the kids, but the relationship is over

Answer 10

A child doesn't have to be yours for you to say he is yours. A real man will be a father to his girlfriend's child from her other relationships. Any guy can be a father but it takes alot more to be a dad.....when entering a relationship where children are involved it is a packaged deal you cannot have one without the other. It is nice to see men out there who are willing to be dads to children who are not theirs. That is a true man.......all kids like gifts but don't over do it or they will expect them all the time. the best gift you can give is your love...