I'm struggling. Can you help?

Question

A great friend came out to me today & told me he's gay. He is Christian. I'm Jewish. I feel he's making a terrible decision, but it's his choice. I will support him, but my gut says he's wrong. I'm torn up inside. Help?

Yes, he's acting on his feelings. He's doing things TOTALLY against his own beliefs! He knows why he's doing this; stress & poor self image. The guy is rich & very affirming to him.

Thanx. Some good advice. I appreciate this a lot.

He is sincere Christian with profession of faith in Jesus.

Answer 1

Your gut is right. Homosexuality is not right. If he is claiming to be a Christian, then he's also a hypocrite. The Bible clearly says that homosexuality is a sin, and ALL sin is destestable to God. Fortunately, there are a couple of things that you can do for your friend:
1) pray for him. Ask God to convict him and change his heart
2) continue to be his friend. Love the sinner but hate the sin.
3) be patient & available. He's apparently going through some serious personal issues. Insecurity, identity crisis, who knows. Just make sure to be there to listen and also do not be afraid to speak truth to him when the appropriate time comes.

You will be in my prayers. Blessings.

Answer 2

I can tell you're a great friend...I'm not gonna say I know how you feel, 'cause I really don't & although you may not agree with my answer, in my opinion, the best thing to do is to be there for your friend no matter what ('cause that's what friends are for) because he's gonna need your support...& if you look at it, it's OK that you think he's making a bad choice, which mainly means that you both have different points of view, different opinions, but are still good friends...that right there should tell you a lot about your relationship :)

Good luck & hope things work out fine for you :)

P.S.: I'm pretty sure you'll know what to do ;)


Another thing...plz, do not bring the church & religion into this...plz...because, since you both have different religions & knowing that most religions condemn homosexuality, that would be the last thing he'd need...a lecture about sins, etc, etc...you'd probably end up disagreeing with each other even more & eventually end up calling off your friendship...

I'm not gonna say it's going to be easy for him because in today's society, it really is not, but a great friend will make the ride smoother...

Answer 3

When you say " my gut says he's wrong" Does that mean you don't believe he believes he's gay? Or that it is wrong to be gay? The bible does say "man shall not lay with man" but where does it say man shall not be gay? Can a gay person be gay and not choose to have sex? I believe so, I also believe that heterosexual people can choose to spend their lives celibate as well. Its all about choices and if I were gay I know that I could live a life of celibacy to save my soul from being forever lost. There is a place in the bible where Paul talks about getting married he states that it is not for everyone and he also goes on to mention a few more things about living single. Pray for your friend. Being gay, I believe, is not the sin, it is the act of sexual conduct that is the sin.

Answer 4

If he is a Christian, then he will understand when you read 1 Corinthians 6: 9, 10, to him. It specifically lists homosexuality as a sin. I am sure of this, God didn't create him that way. Sometimes circumstances in ones life make you feel you should choose that, but it is still a wrong choice.
Remember, God still loves him, but not the sin. You should try to help him see the sin, and to get back into a right relationship with God.
(Aside from morals, has he never heard about AIDS? )

Answer 5

You can't be wrong, if you're doing something that is not up to you. It's not up to you to be gay. You don't get to decide on that. It's not (as you say) your choice. Besides, even if it were a choice, it's not a bad one either. Gays aren't criminal. They hurt nobody (not at least, for the fact that they are gays. There are gay jerks, just as there are straight jerks, but that's different).

He's your friend, and important things are happening to him that he is not in control of. He's just as good (or bad) a person as he was before he came out of the closet for you. And whatever they tell you in church, there is nothing whatsoever wrong with being gay. However, in this prejudicial world, he'll have more problems than you can even imagine. If you're friends with him, the least you can do is not become one more of his problems. Be there for him. He can't afford to lose you.

Answer 6

i'm a gay person, and i certainly didn't feel that it was a "decision".

i believe if i had a choice, it would be so much easier to be straight. anybody who is trying to come out and admit they're gay are very brave and should be given a lot of credit.

spend some time online researching other guys coming out stories and check out some support sites for friends of gays. you sound like a good friend to him, now you just have to understand more of what he's going through so you don't mistakenly think he's just deciding to be gay.

take care

Answer 7

You can support him by being his friend, but you should not support his decision to do homosexual acts. Be clear about how you feel and pray for him. But don't go setting his house on fire or anything stupid. He needs the light of God in his life right now more than ever. Be salt and light. And remember to speak the TRUTH IN LOVE. If you go too far into the love zone, you'll tell him it's ok to do this. If you go too far into the truth zone, you'll alienate him. It's a hard balance to achieve.

Answer 8

u and I know the Bible says this is an abomination. If u can find in the Bible the verses to this effect( I think somewhere in the beginning of the old testament) and just say, hey, have u read these verses? Also, tell him Jesus loves him, and he doesn't have to act on his feelings. there are places that can help. Its good that u r being supportive, but being a good friend sometimes means u have to make them mad at u, instead of just agreeing with them no matter what. good luck.

Answer 9

Many experts believe that one is born with a sexual orientation and that it is not simply a choice that can be made. What your friend may be saying is that he has made a decision to share with you something he has known or suspected about himself for many years. While this is troubling for you, it will be helpful to him if you can continue to be friends and support him. Hopefully this will be something you can discuss together and you might even at some point be able to share with him how you yourself feel at the news. It will probably also be helpful for you to get as much information as you can to help you understand him better.

Answer 10

The best thing you can do is be his friend. Don't try to talk him out
of it but at the same time tell him about how you are torn up inside. If he is a true friend he will understand your feelings just as you are accepting of his. Good Luck!

Answer 11

Just pray for him as much as you can everyday. And speak to him about it. It is a gradual process to be sure, but explain God's love for him and that God hates the sin, not the sinner. I believe that he can be saved through the blood of Christ, because, of course, I am a Christian. But be sure to keep his belief system intact and make sure he doesn't turn from God altogether. Gay is a choice.