Some doctor jokes?

Question

Did you hear about the call girl that had to get her appendix out? The doctor sewed up the wrong hole and now she's making money on the side.

What does it mean when the doctor says you have six months to live? You have five months to pay.

When does a doctor suggest emergency surgery? When he's ready for a new sports car.

How do deaf gynecologists work? They read lips.

How can you tell if you have a cheap doctor? He takes Friday off to play miniature golf.

How can you tell when a surgeon is not thinking about the operation? Before he makes an incision, he yells "Fore!"

Why did the duck go to the doctor's office? He was looking for a quack.

Who takes care of blue balls? The Head Nurse.

What advice don't you want to hear from a doctor before an operation? Whatever you do, don't go into the light.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

Answer 1

Here's a doctor joke (okay, a veterinarian joke) A man brings his pet hamster to the vet. "I think Fluffy is sick!"

"Calm down sir, I'll check." The doctor touches Fluffy. Fluffy just lies there. The doctor put his stethoscope to Fluffy. There is no sound of a heartbeat. The doctor puts a mirror to Fluffy's mouth, and there is no fog on the mirror to indicate breathing.

The vet tells the man, "I'm sorry sir, but Fluffy is dead."

The man starts crying, "Oh no, it just can't be! I've had Fluffy so long! You must be mistaken! Please, check again!"

So the doctors goes into the other room and brings in a Labrador retriever, which sniffs Fluffy all over and then sadly shakes his head.

"The dog agrees with me, sir."

"Oh, no, no, please it can't be, please check again."

So the doctor goes in another room and brings in a Siamese cat which sniffs Fluffy all over and then sadly shakes its head.

"I'm afraid the Siamese agrees with me too, sir."

The man accepts the truth this time, and makes plans to bury Fluffy. The doctor presents the man with his bill.

"WHAT!" the man is outraged. "A thousand dollars to tell me that my hamster was dead?"

"I wasn't going to charge you anything, sir, but the LAB test was $250 and the CAT scan was $750...!"

Answer 2

What did the doctor say when a guy came in to complain about his shrinking problem?
A:You just have to be a little patient!

Answer 3

sturdy ones...right this is one for you A male pastor walked into an area pub to apply the restroom. the area replace into hopping with track and dancing, till people observed the pastor. with the aid of fact the room quieted down he walked as much as the bartender, and asked, "could I please use the restroom?" The bartender responded, "i for my section do no longer think of you ought to." "Why no longer?" the pastor asked. "i for my section decide to apply a restroom!" "nicely, i do no longer think of you ought to. there's a statue of a bare woman in there -- and he or she's in user-friendly terms lined by making use of a fig leaf!" "Nonsense," mentioned the pastor, "i'm going to look any opposite direction!" So, the bartender confirmed the clergyman the door on the precise of the stairs, and he proceeded to the restroom. After a couple of minutes, he got here back out, and the entire place replace into hopping with track and dancing back! He went to the bartender and mentioned, "Sir, i do no longer comprehend. when I got here in right here, the area replace into hopping with track and dancing. Then the room grew to alter into actually quiet. I went to the restroom, and now the area is hopping back." "nicely, now you're one persons!" mentioned the bartender. "could you like a drink too?" "yet, I nonetheless don't comprehend," mentioned the puzzled pastor. "you notice," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lighting fixtures flow out interior the entire place. Now, how a pair of drink?" CHeeRioS

Answer 4

Which is the number of the doctors?
111 why?
They start with one they keep with one and they end with one

Answer 5

Question: What did the dog say when the vet cut his tail off?

Answer: It won't be long now.