been married almost 10 years, and of course had good and bad times. I love my husband and for now dont want to leave (mostly for the kids) But sometimes I find myself thinking how I cant wait until they are grown so I can leave and move on.
2006-06-22 16:15:39 · 12 answers · asked by Rootay 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Everyone goes through this stage. 10 years is difficult.
Hang in there. 15 - 20 years married can blow your mind.
Marriage is more than just love between two people.
It's a commitment, an agreement, a concorde, and sometimes you have to remind yourself of this everyday. If you let go of it and look for love elsewhere, you will only find the same problems.
Seek it in the one given to you. And don't be afaid to ask for it in return.
2006-06-22 16:28:46 · answer #1 · answered by Shinigami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to leave if you love your husband? Healthy marriages always have good and bad times, and commitment implies that one seeks ways to hold onto and better the relationship. As beliefs vary, the myth goes that one becomes tired with one's partner, for there is not much passion on seeing the same face forever and ever. The truth is in a real relationship, time can only strengthen the bonds since the more we know each the more we can rely on and trust each other.
A husband is not just a book you bought, or a house you built; it's not even your children. Your husband is a life that you have chosen, invested into, believed in, shared joys and sadness with, and gave birth with. They children you are so loved are the reaction of the relationship that you have with your husband; therefore, a husband is worth so much more in a relationship. Indeed, without your husband, you would not have those unique and special kids.
The reason that it's so simple and easy for you to think of leaving your mate is because of the multitude of beliefs that we have in society. I have to point out that there is nothing wrong with thinking of leaving your husband; the trouble comes when you keep on pondering on the thought. If you think of leaving your husband because you think there is better out there, then you need to pay more attention to life social intercourse, for you have the better, and no one will show you how you have the better. It’s up to you to find out that you have the better.
I would advise that you take time to think. Think of your life, think of who you are, and realize that it’s no longer about yourself. True, you will never realize some of your dreams, but you have already realized dreams that were never yours through your husband. Your life now is an extension of your husband’s and vice versa.
Finally, you can conduct a little experience. Go to a nearby jail and asked inmates questions about their families. You will realize that many of them come from broken or divorced families. It’s simple. Their parents broke their promised and sworn marital bonds. Nonetheless, in each child there is a hidden marriage, a hidden relationship because the child is what you would have if they could perfectly glue you with your husband. Now, when the relationship that can be seen, you and your husband, is broken, how can we ask the children to hold steadfastly together to the relationship that cannot be seen, you and your husband inside of each of the children you gave birth to? I hope that you understand the fact that life makes people in one and in two; in that your child is the extension of you and your husband. Breaking your relationship is tacitly asking your child to be broken, and it will never matter if we can call them child or adult.
2006-06-22 17:08:18 · answer #2 · answered by newchenel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't fair to your family or your husband to dwell too much on these thoughts. It sounds like your marriage has gone stale, which often happens when you're in the midst of raising kids. Marriage counseling or some form of marriage enrichment could make a difference. In addition, you need to make sure both you and your husband have time in your lives to do things on your own, things that you want to do, so you do not feel like you are putting your life on hold, waiting until you can just dump everything and do what you want to do.
2006-06-22 16:23:25 · answer #3 · answered by just♪wondering 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. Best thing I ever did for the Kids and myself was to leave. If you honestly cannot wait to get out, it might be time to leave. Think it through before you do anything, maybe talk to a therapist. But if that is how you feel and you have felt this way for awhile it is probably best, for everyone.
2006-06-22 16:23:15 · answer #4 · answered by Quantrill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, you are having problems in your marriage. You need to sit down with your spouse and explain how you are feeling. Maybe a counselor could help. This may be just a phase. It could stem from lack of trust (if one has cheated, lied, etc.), it could be due to money problems, it could be lack of time that the two of you spend together. Many of things could be making you feel this way. It is not healthy to feel the way that you do and maybe counseling could work. If your not interested in couples counseling maybe just having someone to talk to for yourself would help you straighten out what you should be doing.
Please, keep in mind that your children can sense the stress that you and your spouse are under. It is not healthy for them to live in a house like this. It may be best to make the seperation now.
Good luck
2006-06-22 16:32:10 · answer #5 · answered by student 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever stay for the sake of your kids. It's so much harder on them. They always see you fighting and arguing. Kid's can tell that you two are mad or that there is something wrong with you. Kids know everything. If he loves his kids he'll be there for them after you divorce at any chance that he can get. You shouldn't stay for that sake it might make their lives more depressed than needs be. Besides if you get divorced when they're older and you say I only stayed with him for you what do you think they'll say. It will tear them up inside so much more.
2006-06-22 16:24:18 · answer #6 · answered by ~p♥kes~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your honestly on;y staying for the kids your staying for the wrong reason although you dont realize it you are in fact seriously hurting them and you should leave if thats whats in everyones best intrest.If the kids choose there father cans til be apar of their life...
2006-06-22 16:19:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think everybody feels like that sometimes, 10 years is a long time and you might just be bored, were you ever in a serious relationship before him?
2006-06-22 16:20:59 · answer #8 · answered by Angie A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband should definitly see a counsler. I think that is a sad way to live life knowing your just holding onto your marriage until one day you can leave it. Of course you need to think of your children but u also need to think about yourself and your happiness.
2006-06-22 16:20:43 · answer #9 · answered by andrea lynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never stay for the children and never blame the children. Move on if you feel empty and only staying for the kids.
2006-06-22 20:16:14 · answer #10 · answered by charleedude 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋