How can I get my son to be more social?

Question

My 4 year old (He'll be 5 in July) will be starting Kindergarten in the fall. He has been in daycare since he was 6 weeks old. Regardless, he doesn't get along well with other children. He has 2 older brothers, but they tend to leave him out. Therefore he likes to play alone. While in preschool, other children didn't like his ways. They would fight with him and make him feel unaccepted. He dreaded going to school everyday. Now I'm worried that he will be bullied in Kindergarten also. I want him to make friends. School is hard, and children are cruel. I am so worried :'(

Answer 1

Do:
Give him tons of attention.
Always complement him.
Try to build his confidence anyway possible.
Let him play with cousins his own age.

Don't:
Try to force your 2 older children to 'hang out' with him. Usually they'll just be cruel to him if you force it on them.
Be hard on him. Usually children become outcasts do-to low self-esteem. Yelling or putting them all the time will make them feel 'unloved'. Now I'm not saying you do, but if you know someone who does, then u got to get them to stop. Try every way possible to try to create a 'positive environment'.

Answer 2

You should speak to his teacher and find out if he attempts to play with peers or if he just has no interest in them. Have you heard of Asperger's Syndrome ? I am unsure what you mean by the kids dont like his ways and/or if his ways may fall under the behavior seen in Asperger's children. Also you may want to consider keeping him out of kindergarten another year. July is a late birthday and many children ( especially boys ) just are not ready socially for kindergarten at age 5. Maybe one more year of preschool would allow you the time you need to investigate the issue further and possibly allow him to grow socially.

Answer 3

If more kids fight with him and leave him out, he will probably accept it that he is a loner and is unable to make friends! He will probably grow up to become this person who he believes is an outcast. He will probably have low self esteem because of how these children make him feel. Remember his experiences in the early yrs can shape who he becomes later. Don't let other kids put him down. Maybe they have been putting him down at daycare before so he distances himself from children because of a bad experience he had before.Be positive and have him attend a playdate with one child at a time so other children aren't leaving him out! If it took somebody a long time to step on his self esteem, it could take a while to bring it up.Make sure he feels positive about himself. I do worry too that my child will be bullied at school.

Answer 4

Incorporate him into the family. Try doing something that will involve the entire family, such as going to a pool or beach. That way, everyone will interact, work together, etc. By then, your son should have felt involved and important enough to participate in an activity. But whatever you do, do not home school your child. Between public, private, and homeschool children, homeschooled children tend to be a bit "out of the ordinary" when it comes to social skill. Just give it time.

Answer 5

I don't think that your son's "social" behavior has anything to do with his self-esteem or confidence. You should never label your child as being "shy" or "unsociable". These are just stereotypes that people use to describe others who don't feel the need to constantly be the center of attention or accepted by others. Have you considered that maybe your son feels he has nothing in comon with his peers or siblings? You mentioned that he has two older brothers that leave him out of their activities... Perhaps your son prefers to play alone because this way he is comfortably able to express or stimulate his imagination or interests without being judged or ridiculed. It shouldn't bother him that he doesn't go along with the crowd all the time. But, like you said, sometimes children can be cruel. Instead of pushing him to fit in so he's included, encourage him to voice his opinions. He may be surprised at how many other people (or even his brothers) may be interested in activities he wants to participate in. He needn't be a ham to get the ball rolling. Some children who are perceived as being "shy" are actually some of the most loyal friends you can have!!! I am always categorized as shy or anti-social... but the truth is: I was always apprehensive about making friends because I was afraid to loose them. Your son is probably just a giver/ listener... he likes to absorb his surroundings before jumping in... kids who are natural "socializers" would probably perceive his natural behavior as "mean", i.e. : "Why doesn't he want to talk to us? He probaly doesn't want to play cause he doesn't want to be our friend... well, we don't like him either, blah, blah, blah..." I am NOT making this chit-chat up by the way... It's bits and pieces of what I've picked up from younger siblings and cousins... Just prep your son about the natural behaviors of others instead of making feel there is something wrong with him. Practice at home!!! Teach him how to talk to others, pretend you're one of the other kids... Kindergarten won't be an anxious time just for him. Chances are there will be other kids just as nervous about fitting in... help him help them and before you know it... he'll be chatting about his new friends and all the cool things they did at school!!! Best wishes and Good Luck to you both!!! :-)

Answer 6

Gosh! sounds like me when I was a kid...

My 4th grade teacher wrote a note to my Mom telling her that I was "abnormal" because I would rather read books under the tree than play kickball with the other boys...

It's totally weird... a teacher that doesn't like it when kids like to read books???

Your 4 year old might be more intelligent than the other kids. I think they can sense that kind of thing and they start separating themselves at a very early age.

Just be happy that he's a loner. I mean sure, encourage him to play with others but remember that it's not the end of the world if he is just a little shy... shy is safe.

Answer 7

You have to put him on a sports team. It is scientifically proven that sports boost a child's confidence, therefore make him more social. Take my word for it (im in high school right now), I dont know a single kid who is good at sports and is not somewhat social.

Answer 8

you can join a summer reading program at the local library and watch how he interacts with others this way you can show him what to do. it takes time children usually need help in learning how to be social....relax with activities where your around he can slowly build his skills....another handy helper is the local playground and swimming pool.

Answer 9

talk to the teacher about what is going on, she'll be able to direct in the right direction. Try playdates with one of the other kids, so its one on one time with a friend

Answer 10

let nature take its course.if he gets bullied he has to learn how to handle it, sure it sucks and some times its worse than others. it has to happen better now that later.. about his social "life" enroll him in some sport even if he does not like it i assure you that will fix that problem, as for you take it easy as long as you are there for them you got nothing to worry about.