I'm having a little problem with my dad, and I would like some advice.?

Question

I got into a really bad argument with him over the phone and he basically told me that I was a horrible daughter because I never spend time with him and only call when I want something. I started crying and he was screaming at me and then he goes "You know what? Call me back when you can actually act normal. Bye." And hung up. I have to call back, but I don't know what to say to him.

It's not as easy as that. Yes, I do call him only when I don't something, but the reason behind that is because, when I come over, he just sits on the couch and watches television all day.

I'm fourteen. My parents have been divorced for twelve years.

I'm not an adult. I'm fourteen. My parents have been divorced for twelve years. We live ten minutes apart. I call him only when I want something, but he never calls me unless he wants to argue about something. We argued because I needed help getting money for my majorette uniform and he said that I needed to stop making up lies. The reason he said that was because I couldn't go to the beach with him this weekend because I had majorette practice. I don't cry to get what I want. I ask, and he gives it to me. I could care less if he gives me what I want. He has a choice to say no. He IS the adult. I didn't have any money for Father's day, but I called him and told him happy Father's Day and I loved him.

I asked him last Saturday to go to the movies with me and he said "Maybe tomorrow night. I'll call you and let you know." And I never got a phone call, and he never picked up his phone.

Answer 1

Write him a letter. Make it at least two pages long. Apologize for the argument. You don't have to take the blame; a simple "I'm sorry the last phone conversation we had ended so badly" will do it.

Mention the good things he did with you and for you as you were growing up. Letters are less likely to cause problems because you can say exactly what you want, without fear of interruption and you can think for as long as you need before you write each sentence. Spell-check it and check the grammar. Most people write "said", "responded", "shouted" or "whispered" instead of "goes".

Wait a week. Call him back. Tell him you can act normally. Have a specific request to spend time together, somewhere out of the house away from the TV. It can be as simple as a walk in a park or lunch in the nicest place you can afford. (You - make sure you tell him at least three times it will be your treat.) It could be more elaborate, depending on his interests.

This all assumes he is worth the effort. Most fathers are.

Answer 2

It would help to have more information. Are you an adult? Are your parents married to each other? Do you live a long distance from your father? Do you see/call him often? But on the basis of the information you gave, I would ask you if he had a valid point in saying you don't spend time with him unless you want something. I assume you did call because you wanted something. Is that what started the argument? Does he usually get this upset with you? Do you cry to get what you want? You don't HAVE to call him back. Are you going to hope he'll give in to what you want? So many things for you to consider! Why don't you spend some honest time with yourself and figure out what the real problem is here before you call him back. If you've been unfair to your father, please tell him so and then try to correct that problem. You don't have to always agree with your dad, or think he's right, or even think he's a great person. But as his child, you do have the responsibility to honor him. And by the way, what did you do for him on Father's Day?

Answer 3

Tell him that screaming at you isn't "normal" and he should practice what he preaches! Do you only call him when you need something? If so, maybe he has a point? Call him back and let him know he really hurt your feelings. Tell him you are sorry he feels that way about your relationship (sounds like an apology, but really isn't..) and it has never been your intention to make him feel bad. Have you been out of the house long? He may just be missing you and doesn't know how to let you know. Give him a bit to cool down and give him a call.....

Answer 4

If all he likes to do is sit around, maybe you should bring a movie over, but whatever you do don't sink down to his level. maybe HIS dad wasn't a model father, either. Stop calling him for stuff, only call him to be nice, say hi, you love him, whatever. Ask him if he wants to come see you do your majorette stuff. Maybe he could help you order the uniform, I don't know, but get him involved. If nothing you try works, just tell him that you tried to change the things that bothered him, but obviously there is a deeper problem and it isn't your problem, so take it out of your realtionship. You are not a perfect person and he isn't either, but no one needs to be neglected by their parents. Love him like you want to be loved, and if he can't bring himself to be the same way, maybe you need to look elsewhere for fatherly love.

Answer 5

First you say, Dad, I'm sorry for my behavior. Try to give a reasonable explanation for acting like you did, if there is one.Tell him also, in the kindest way possible , that you don't like it when he yells at you. We all get one Father and one Mother in our lives, if we are lucky. Respect for your parents goes a long way, and vice a versa. If you don't have a good relationship with your Dad, and it's your fault, then you need to be the big person and call him, before he has to call you, and set things straight with him. Can you imagine you being mad at him, or him at you, and before you get the chance to smooth things out between you two. somebody calls and tells you, "YOUR FATHER JUST GOT KILLED" , how would you feel having to carry that around with you the rest of your life? If he is, or has been an abusive Father, then cordially cut your ties with him and put some distance from him. You say you have a problem with him, well maybe he has a problem with you. Each one of us has to accept responsibility for our own actions.Ask him if it would be possible to sit down and discuss this like adults, without raising your voices.If you feel uncomfortable talking to him like that, then sit down and write him a letter, tell him what is on your mind, express your personal opinions on the subject at hand, and wait for a response. You will always need your Father, he is the one who raised you, cared for you, and got you to where you are now. I have two daughters(grown), we too had differences of opinions, but we got it out in the open and settled it out once for good. We, since then, have a beautiful Father-daughter relationship, along with the grandkids. Don't cut him out of your life just because you can't have what you want all the time. The Bible reads," The measure of what you receive, will be in the measure of what you give". God loves you, and your Father, use some of God's love to make things right with each other, before it's too late. Good luck.

Answer 6

You don't say how old you are, I'm assuming that you are a teenager. How much time do you spend with him? Does he have a valid point? Could it be that his feelings are hurt if you only do call to get things from him without spending time with him? Call him, Ask if you can get together for dinner and talk about this, as soon as possible to clear the air. I think that he loves you, and is just disappointed in how things are going. Good Luck.

Answer 7

As a father I can tell you both need some help. I'm not being funny or anything. If both of you want this relationship to work, you both have to be committed.

As you are a child, you should not be the target of his anger. He needs to find another outlet for the anger and somehow get to the root of it. You, as a child can keep trying. Call just to talk. ask his advice on schoolwork or things like that. Whenever possible, make him feel needed.

Talk to you mother and see if she can speak to him about your wanting him around and becoming a bigger part of your life. It seems that's what you want.

You are in my prayers. Keep the faith.

Answer 8

I have a step daughter as well and she is your age. She really gets along better with me because she's not into what her father is. I tell her that maybe she should try to make and effort to spend time with him. Even though it's not want she wants to do. And maybe you can ask him hey would you like to go to a movie or maybe out to dinner or something like that. Just so you two can spend time together. Life is to short to fight about. Try to enjoy it with your parents.

Answer 9

Call your Dad back and tell him that you want to hear what he has to say and promise that you won't say a word, just listen. Try to talk out the problem because tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. I have a friend who worked with a lady who had an argument with her husband before she left for work and later on while still at work she had an aneurysm and died. She never got a chance to resolve the argument with her husband.

Answer 10

Um, that sounds rough. I would call him back and apologize and say you're sorry that he sees you that way. Then prove him wrong by doing something with him soon, something both of you would enjoy. Even just going to garage sales can be fun sometimes. Not to buy, but just the driving around looking for things is kind of fun. Sorry to hear about the argument. Hope things turn out okay.