Kids & First Names of Adults?

Question

I hear it all the time: kids (that is, anyone under 18, or not living independently) calling adults by their first names. I have even had guests in my house instruct their children to call me by my first name (and then grin and ask, "that's ok, isn't it?") right in front of me.

I won't waste your time telling you how unacceptable this is to me (it involves a complex system of manners that is no longer taught, and you might not be familiar with it), but I *will* ask if you have any suggestions to make it stop...short of slapping anyone, that is.

Thanks for any insight you can give me; it's appreciated.

Answer 1

So, just a perspective from the other side...My mother has always been very liberal, and insistent that she is an independent person from my father...To the point that my wedding invitations couldn't say "Mr. & Mrs. invite you", they had to say "Jim & Carrie invite you".

I remember, as a kid, my friends trying to call her "Mrs. Smith", and she almost yelled at them to call her by her first name. I think she likes to be identified by her first name, because that's how she has idenitified herself for her whole life.

I was raised to address all people by their first names. When I didn't know what this was, I asked my friends what their moms wanted to be called...For the most part, these were first names, although there was the occasional Mrs. Someone. I think that it may be somewhat regional...Are you from the South by any chance? And perhaps moved away from there? From what I read in Dear Abby (the obvious all-knowing resource) and such, addressing adults using their last names (or with a title in front of their first name) is a tradition that has been very popular in the South (although I certainly apologize if this generalization doesn't fit your reality).

Honesly, I don't care what people call me, as long as there are no swear words involved. I have a first name, and it's how I identify myself to everyone. I also have a last name, but as a woman, it's not the same one I grew up with, so I'm not quite as connected to it as my first.

I think that the only way you can stop it is in your own home, and within your own family. When your houseguests instructed their children to address you by your first name, it would have been entirely appropriate to say, "Actually, in this house, children address adults more properly. Please call me Miss Elizabeth" (or Mrs. Jones, depending on what's most appropriate for the manners you were taught). Also, raise your kids with this expectation, and encourage them to do so with their kids.

Good luck - and thanks for having manners...It's a rare thing these days!

Answer 2

I grew up in the South, and we (my brother and I and all our friends) were all taught to address our friends' parents and all other adults as "Mr/Mrs/Miss" and also to answer with "Yes sir/ma'am or No sir/ma'am." Even now at the age of 46 I still have problems addressing older adults by their first name. On the other hand, I know that many people are uncomfortable being addressed as "Mr or Mrs" , so I've come up with a compromise when teaching my own children. I either take the initiative by trying to introduce the adults first as Mr or Mrs/Miss
(first name) or in case they "beat me to the punch," I have taught the kids to address all adults with "Mr/Mrs/Miss" beforehand, so they know right off the bat. I only use the first name option when introducing close friends. All others, last name.

Anyone who has a problem with being addressed with terms of respect should realize that it's just that--respect. We're not trying to offend or put anyone down. It's actually a compliment, so please try to take it in that spirit.

Answer 3

If possible, when you are meeting someone's children for the first time, get the jump on the parents' instruction and introduce yourself to the child first in the way that you want to be addressed. "Hi little Timmy, I'm Mr. Smyth. It's so nice to meet you!" It probably won't stop the problem completely, but sometimes taking even small action is enough to make you feel less frustrated.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

It's a culture thing. In California, you virtually never hear anything but kids using adults' first names. However, when we travel back east or to the south to visit relatives, we only here Mr. and Mrs. So and So. I've used it as a way to teach my kids about different cultures within the same country and how different rules can apply. They know when in the south or with their southern relatives its always Mr, Mrs or Cousin So and So while here at home a first name will usually do. I understand your concern, but I think each family and or region has its norms. I think it is up to the parents to teach their children to respect the norms of others and be sensitive to them...not to assume everyone is the same as them.

Answer 5

You can tell people that you do mind because you believe that minors should show respect to adults, and not calling them by their first name as they do their friends is one way to show that respect.

But honestly, I don't think you can make people stop -- you will just have to choose who to spend time with / invite to your home.

By the way, I was / am just about the only one of my friends that caled all parents Mr. __ and Mrs. __ -- I still am the only adult to call my father-in-law Mr. ___ -- even though everyone said to just call them by their first name. Again you have to speak up-- I am 30 now, but even at 15 I would answer, "no this is just the way I was raised and how I choose to address you b/c it shows respect."

Answer 6

the lessons we learned in school went out with the prayers and the actual teaching of things of use to the world outside and the compromises have topped out at the crest of the wave of technology and the children cant speak to anyone without assistance form an interperter but maybe interaction with the other cultures may bring back at least some manners as they try to interact thanx an olde dude

Answer 7

Just tell the children you will have them practice proper manners and they will say yes ma'am, no ma'am and they will respectfully address you as Mrs._____________ and NOT by your first name. Tell them in front of their parents too in a dignified way so they will understand you mean business and you standardize proper manners as acceptable and correct behavior.

Answer 8

Well then maybe you should speak up and say no its not ok sorry? Some people don't like to be called Miss last name.

Answer 9

i am 32 and i believe adults in authority should be addressed by miss, ms., mr. , etc. such as teachers, the elderly, daycare providers, but your best friend should be called by their name, such as mary or joan, if you want to show respect and they are a long term friend, maybe you would consider calling them aunt joan or something similar. someone off the street is not of authority to your child but should be addressed by sir or similar appropriate words.

Answer 10

The only people children should not call by their first name is their parents. It is very polite to call someone by their first name. I can't say anymore without being rude to you for your comments.