Give Up 11year old son for Girlfriend?

Question

Im in another dilemma, my friend (Derek) has met his ideal soul mate girlfriend which could be his future wife. She and the 11year old boy dont get on. What should he do and who should he choose. . . your views please

Answer 1

Children usually have problems with who their parents date. They almost always hold hope for reconciliation between their parents. Any "soul mate" will understand and accept this fact. If she is the real deal, she will be considerate of the child's feelings and eventually win grudging acceptance if not more.

A child is a lifelong committment and there is no choice about it until the child is an adult.

Answer 2

If Derek really loves his 11 year old son, he will do his best to have all three work out a compromise.These transitions are difficult because it is possible the son feels he is being replaced in some way or this other woman is taking over the role of his real mother.Counselling and open communication is strongly advised.Derek could lose both in the long run if he doesn't approach this correctly.

Ken

Answer 3

dilemma? does he even think twice about that? but if Derek is confused between keeping his son or giving him up, then maybe he does want to give up his son. is the lill boy too much of a responsibility that Derek is using his "soulmate" as am excuse to get rid of the boy? is he sure his soulmate is a girl who wants him to give up his son simply because she can't get along with an 11 years old kid?? what next will she ask him to give up? so he shall deprive his own son from his father because he is such a bad boy and doesnt like his daddy's girl...maybe Derek does not deserve that boy and deserves his girl. put some sense into your friend's mind so he doesnt do anything that he would regret when he is old lonely and dumped by his "soulmate". tell him to try to bridge the gap between the little kid and the girl.

Answer 4

i dont think there's such a thing as a soul mate. it's just a daft romantic notion dreamt up by idealists who don't know enough about life or people.

and in direct answer to derek's "dilemma", no wayyyyyy should he give up his son. he'd never forgive himself, and may live to regret it as the son grows up, and the chickens come home to roost.

perhaps the reason why they dont get on should be addressed. he shouldnt have to choose. this situation could be resolved with honest rational verbal communication of wants and needs from each party involved, and to my mind, the son's needs should be addressed first. maybe he needs reassurance that this girlfriend of derek's will not come between him and his dad: he must arlready be missing his mam, and may be terrified that he will lose his dad too.

this isnt a dilemma, it's time to talk, grow, and face responsibilities.

Answer 5

If his gf can not work things out with his son, then she sounds like she may have some maturity issues. If Derek is even thinking about having to choose, then his son may be better off with some one that loves him unconditionally. I can't even imagine contemplating giving up a child. I feel bad for the child, life his harsh enough with out having the uncertainty of whether your parent is going to give you up or not. Their is no choice, Derek made a child and he has a responsibility to that child. End of story.

Answer 6

If Derek is a man and a Dad he will tell the girl to take a hike. His child should always be more important than a piece of a*s. If he wants toi act like a little boy, and give up his son, he should also think about what life is going to be like with a woman who is so selfish that his son cant deal with her, or she with him. It is big trouble.

Answer 7

This is too serious to treat lightly. The childs future may depend on his fathers decision. The son needs his father, and the fathers committment to his upbringing. This woman may want this man, and he her, but this shouldnt be mistaken for need. Its time for this man to let his head rule his heart and if its a choice between the woman and his son, the decision should be instant. The child needs the security of unconditional love from his parent/s and shouldnt in any circumstances have to compete. I hope for the childs sake that his father makes the right decision, and the child doesnt suffer. No matter how tough the child appears, remember what it was like to be eleven................ good luck

Answer 8

He shouldn't choose anyone. He should sit down with his girlfriend and his son and talk things out. He needs to get to the bottom of why they don't get along and then they need to fix it and start building a relationship.
He should by no means think of abandoning his child for a woman he isn't even married to yet. His child should come first. But if he handles it properly and explains to his son how much he loves her and that she is going to be his step mom, and more importantly that they are going to have to learn to at least tolerate eachother - he won't have to choose.
The key is communication. He needs to let them both know that he's not choosing either one - and that he wants them both. If she can't deal with that then she isn't really his soul mate and he should let her go.

Answer 9

I can't believe he even has to think about this question. That is his own son! He should never even consider giving up his son for anyone else in the world! And that boy is still a child, his father has a responsibility! Tell him that if he has any decency as a human being he will not choose a woman over his own son!

Answer 10

i have a 2 year old son and if a an ever told me that i had to give up my son for him i would leave in a second. Derek's son is his blood and should be his first priority. If the girl cant except it she needs to go cause she cant except Derek.