I recently tracked down my daughters dead bet dad after 12 years in prison. He seems excited about having a relationship w/his daughter he never new. He claims he will never loose touch w/her again he writes faithfully once a wk. he recently asked for a picture of me and asked me if I was interested in getting back with him. Well, I kindly rejected his offer since then he has written negative things about me to his daughter. Should I end the daughter/father relationship?
2006-06-22 11:59:21 · 14 answers · asked by Lady K 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
yes, a child should always have her father in her life. He maybe a dead beat dad but if it wasnt for him you wouldnt have your daughter. And the fact that he's actually showing interest shows that he at least cares even if its a little. trying to take him away out of her life now could also effect your daughter in a negative way. so i say let her continue
2006-06-22 12:07:36 · answer #1 · answered by Quantie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cutting off the relationship might end up making your daughter bitter towards you. She's young enough that she might not fully understand everything about the situation. I am sorry you have to deal with this. For now, it sounds like her dad is changing, since he has been writing her faithfully. When your daughter grows up, she will be able to realize what a good parent you were in comparison. In the meantime, perhaps you and your daughter could go to some mental health counseling together to make sure that both of your concerns are met.
2006-06-22 14:11:20 · answer #2 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For better or worse your daughter should know her Dad. If he is a complete twit it's best for her to learn that first hand by his own actions. Censoring him will only it reinforce anything negitive he says about you. Your daughter will eventually get tired of him slamming you and tell him to stop. You can though do a positive PR campaign for yourself. That is do something special for her every once in a while. Also give her a chance to raise any issues even if they might be embarrasing for you. Best to clear them out, but let her bring them up when she's ready.
Wish you the best of luck. I understand this is a stressfull situation. Just remember nobody can steal your daughter from you. There is a bond between mother and daughter that is unbreakable in a good relationship.
2006-06-22 12:08:53 · answer #3 · answered by draciron 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is over 11 years old, she should be able to make the decision to keep in touch with her father or not. You can tell her your side of things when he writes negative things about you. If the things he is saying are lies,tell her. If it were me I would probably believe you, someone thats been around my whole life than a father that is in jail and is upset because my mother doesn't want a relationship with her.
If what he is writing is hurting or upsetting her, tell her to tell her father to not write about you anymore, that it upsets her and if he doesn't she will stop writing to him. I bet he will not want to end that relationship.
2006-06-22 12:23:30 · answer #4 · answered by leiloni-mi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is old enough to make up her own mind about continuing the correspondance... You should read all the incoming letters, but don't even try to put a stop to the relationship.
2006-06-23 04:13:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough call. If I were in your shoes, I think I would make it clear that they can maintain contact on the condition that he does not speak to her about her mother. She needs to understand that he has and still may say things about you that he should not and why he would do this, and that she should let you know if he does say things, since it might have a negative affect on her emotionally. She could be given the option to decide if she wants to keep this connection or to cut it off at any time.
2006-06-22 12:13:44 · answer #6 · answered by Indigo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no be fair and explain to your daughter what is really going on. let her see that you love her and share the truth with her, show her if she lets you see the letters the way that this man is a manipulator trying to make people do his bidding which only shows that his time in prison has not taught him anything. not surprising prison makes that worse in a person not better.
sorry to hear about it but treat your daughter with love not fear.
2006-06-22 12:13:21 · answer #7 · answered by mournyngwolf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too am the single parent of 3 children whose father has spent jail time. As long as things are safe, I have allowed my children to know their father if they wanted. I was not always happy about it, but over time, my children have been able to make their own minds up and see the negativity that surrounds his life. Of my 3 children, only the youngest one (13 years old) continues to contact him now. Believe me, kids see more than we realize, and I have learned that when my ex says something negative about me, I merely say something to my child like, "well, do you really think that is true?" He will usually laugh and say, "of course not, mom".
I know it's hard, but allowing them to find out for themselves what their parents are like, makes a much bigger impression on children than just telling them and forbidding them to find out themselves. GOOD LUCK!
2006-06-22 12:25:26 · answer #8 · answered by sheristeele 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should espeially since he's writing her back after all that is her dad and she might like the fact that she's getting response from him cause that's the only way she can talk to him.
2006-06-22 12:06:35 · answer #9 · answered by teddybr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Closly moniter the relationship [even if it means spying]. Your daughter will find out on her own if he's a prince or a piece of ****. She'll thank you for not interfering either way.
2006-06-22 12:07:11 · answer #10 · answered by charlotte s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋