What is the best joke you ever heard?

Answer 1

i just received this joke from a text message..

there is this boyfriend and girlfriend..
bf: "hon, let's do 69!"
gf: "what is 69?"
bf: "it's easy.."

then they positioned theirselves..
while in that position, the boy farted 4 times..

then the girl reacted and said "omg! i cant do this anymore! i cant take anymore the remaining 65!"

lolz..

Answer 2

An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
Man: What sins?
Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
Man: I'm not.
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Man: I'm telling everybody!

Answer 3

Three strings are on their way to a bar. They notice the sign on the door next to the bouncer that says "No Strings Allowed." The first string says, "Dudes, come on. We're cool. They'll let us in!" The other strings are not so sure, so the first string goes up to the bouncer and shows his ID. The bouncer says, "No way, guy. Read the sign. No strings." The first string goes back to his buddies a total failure.

The second string says, "I got this," and heads up to the bouncer. He flashes a wad of cash. The bouncer takes one look at him and says, "Hey stupid. Like I just told your friend, no strings."

The third string pats the second string on the back as he hangs his head in shame. A lightbulb goes off in his mind. The third string ties himself into a knot and frays his hair. He walks up to the bouncer, with a big smile.

The bouncer, completely irritated by now, takes one look at him and points to the sign. "Aren't you a string???"

"No, I'm a frayed knot."

Answer 4

There is a air plane that is going down. There is a french ,english ,american ,and a mexican.The english guy says " long live the queen" and jumps out.The french guy says"shac le blue"and jumps out.The american says"renember the alamo" and pushes the mexican out.

Answer 5

Couple gets married, on their wedding night the wife says,
"Please be gentle, I'm a virgin." "Virgin, you've been married 3 times before!" he exclaims.
"I know...my first husband was a psychiatrist, all he wanted to do is talk about it...my second husband was a gynecologist, all he wanted to do is look at it...my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do...oh God how I miss him!"

Answer 6

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

Answer 7

Two girls were chatting about their dates. One girl complains "well he wasn't bad, but he had a small weinie!"

"How small was it" asks the second girl.

"Well I didn't know whether to smoke it or floss my teeth!"

Answer 8

Bill Clinton: I did not have any sexual relations with that woman!

Answer 9

are you married? do you want to buy some naked pics of your wife?

Answer 10

that we have the same pic!!