What is considered flirting? My boyfriend and I disagree...?

Question

At a party last night I found my boyfriend who was drunk and high on weed cookies to be flirtatious with another girl. I realized the girl wasnt even looking at me even though I was standing beside him. My boyfriend put his arm around her, and I told him afterwards that I thought that was inappropriate. Later on in the night I found him flirting again with this girl, he kicked her "playfully" in the bum. He tells me she used to be friends with him, its not that I find her to be competition, she isnt his type at all. Its just I expect him to treat me with the same respect I show him, and this has made me feel upset. I wonder if I am overreacting? We have been going out for over a year and we currently live together.

Answer 1

I think the flirting is the least of the problems here.

Answer 2

You are at a party where your boyfriend is drunk and high on weed, but you're focusing on the fact that he was flirting with another girl. It would seem to me that the first concern you should have is the abuse of alcohol and weed cookies. You do not say whether or not you were also impaired. Whatever restraint one has before using drugs and/or alcohol, it is seriously compromised when one indulges. Subconscious feelings and thoughts will more easily manifest themselves in action while under these influences. If you and he were both sober when these things occurred, you would both be better equipped to know whether or not the actions were improper or whether or not you were over-reacting. Time to reassess your priorities.

Answer 3

I'm probably not the one to ask if you're looking to stay together, however, I broke up with my last girlfriend because she touched a guy's arm several times at a party during a conversation. I never mentioned it to her until after we were apart for a three month 'no contact' period. I then revealed to her my reasons. I figured I'd lose her if I mentioned it, so I just encouraged her to end it with me without revealing to her the exact reason. My jealousy. It is so painful to be social and not feel threatened by certain things your loved ones do that they don't think much of.
This would just seem like I was crazy and jealous and that was the end of it, except for the fact that a year earlier, a previous girlfriend accused me of being seductive at my mother's funeral when I caressed the arm of my young cousin. Let me tell you, I am a very self-aware person, and this touch was in no way innappropriate. The bottom line is this: It has to do with what you want to put up with both as accuser and accused, because trying to change another person is maddening. Were you hurt by his actions at the party? Did you feel mad, sad, glad, scared or lonely? Are you willing to get through this or are you interested in breaking up with this guy and looking for someone to give you the okay? Whatever you choose, I suggest that you are as honest with yourself as you dare be.

Answer 4

when it comes to the rules of cheating they're completely different for men and women. now if you would've gona and done something like that your man wouldnt even have posted up this question he would've just been pissed off and you two would've had an argument. you dont need to sit here and stress yourself over it b/c you already know that he crossed the line. why do you need to ask other people? in your heart you know he made you uncomfortable so tell him and drill it through his head and if he still doesn't understand then revenge might be necessary. BUT men and women act differently when it comes to such situations so if you do decide to retaliate be careful with your actions if you dont wanna make him too mad. and for god's sake you live with this man you should definitely be able to talk and communicate with him b/c he was openly flirting with someone on front of you and even kicked her *** in fron of you. you better let him know what you think cuz im sure he would go crazy if he ever saw you doin somthin like that. cmon now you dont need other people to tell you whether you're over reacting or not, if it makes you incomfortable then you need to say somthin.

Answer 5

no your not over reacting at all. honestly even if he was drunk or high he still knows right from wrong. trust me ive been there. if he did that to you and one in front of your face honestly its your job as a women to put a stop to it. he obviously doesn't appreciate you at all. treat him like crap dont put your head down and sob be a women your beautiful, pick your head up girl and let him know what it is. curse him out even if you dont want to trust me it works curse him out and don't talk to him for a couple of days give him the cold shoulder. watch he'll appoligize. sometimes they need to just realize what they have and how easy it is to loose it. if he doesn't apologize he's a jerk and forget him. but honestly don't give in its nothing but a game whoever gives in first loose's.

Answer 6

Well it might have been flirting, but some people just have a flirty personality,and they don't mean anything by it. If this is the case then you should accept that... as long as he doesn't cross the line or get mad at you when you do the same.

Answer 7

He was drunk and high! He probably didn't know what he was doing. And I think flirting is the least of his problems. If he does this when he's sober then you have a little bit of a problem. Talk to him about it and compromise something or just don't show that it bothers you. If you show that it doesn't bother you then you show you aren't insecure about your relationship or yourself.

Answer 8

If he did it when he was high then he must be just having good fun. But make sure you talk to him about it & make it clear that you are not fien with it. If he doesn’t listen to you,then the next time you are in a part you flirt with a guy whom you know. I am sure he will get the point.

Answer 9

Perhaps you don't let him get that wasted very often, so when he finally does, he reverts to the last time he got that loaded regularly, which was when he was single.

What to do is to practice getting very loaded like that at home, so that when he is loaded later, in public, his brain makes the connection that he has a girl... YOU!

Answer 10

no you are not overacting. there is a fine line with this stuff. he should reapect your wishes and try not to act this way with other girls. and maybe you could talk to the girl, like nicely, become friends, and talk to her about it, how it bothered you, and ask if she could try acting differently, but try not to make it an argument, either with your bf or with the girl or else things might get worse. o and mention it to him when he is not smoking or drinking. but it was kinda wrong of him to act that way and for her to not acknowledge you.

Answer 11

I don't think so. I think there's something a bit off kilter and sketchy about guys flirting while they're with someone else. Keep it to yourself for now, but confront him if it starts getting worse.