How long is "too long" of an engagement?

Question

My fiance and I chose to wait two years before actually getting married for several reasons. 1: we're paying for it ourselves, 2: I'm only 21 at the moment, 3: my parents want us to wait like 4 years but his do not so we met both halfway. His father, who has a heart condition, claims that he may not be able to wait that long for us to get married. But his family has already started calling me Aunt to his neice and nephew 1 yr into our relationship so why do I already feel rushed to get the altar and make everyone happy but us?

Answer 1

i've been engaged for almost a year now we are holding off for those same reasons dont let people rush u into is...im also 21 and i kinda wanna wait and have fun being engaged then settle down...;good luck

Answer 2

Its your wedding and you can run it on any timeline you would like. But it is also your fiance's. If he would like his father to see him married, then you need to do your best to accomodate this. Of course you have to worry about finances. Go at it on your own timeline. If your parents gave you permission, then they don't really have the right to dictate anything to you. If being called aunt makes you uncomfortable gently correct the children and talk to the adults. My now mother in law started refering to me as her daughter in law pretty much the day we told her we were engaged. My neices and nephews have never known me by anything but Aunt Jenn. (They live out of state and were very young when we got engaged. I met one before getting engaged through a webcam but she doesn't remember it)

Now there is a too long. If you are recieving Social Security and still haven't married. That's too long If you are feeling rushed (and God almighty two years is a while) you might want to seriously look at why you are getting married. Most people can't wait to get to the altar. I think you may be overanalyzing a smigden. You are worried about all the hype placed on it and not considering the ultimate end. Promising your life to the man you love in front of God and the world. We didn't quite wait a year to get married and everything fell into place with very little effort. There was no whirlwind until the week before. It was actually quite calm and pleasant. Start planning now and I think you'll find yourself getting more and more excited.

Don't listen to anyone's expectations but your fiance's and your own. I was just barely 22 when I married. My husband was just a few weeks shy. If you feel you aren't ready then wait. But don't wait too long. Marriage is great. Scary as hell. But great. I wouldn't live my life any differently now.

Answer 3

There is no correct answer to the question regarding when is too long to be engaged. First you have to ask yourself do you feel that your relationship is strong enough in which the marriage would last or are you still taking the time to get to know one another. Second the decision to wed and when is completely the decision of the too parties on should never feel pressured by anything when making such a drastic step in there life. Marriage is suppose to be forever and thus your forever has to be your decision and not that of others around you. Only the people whom are involved decision really matters. Happy to have family support but bad to make decisions surrounding outside parties who do not know your relationship circumstances completely. Third I was told not to get married before the age of 25 by several people I respect. I am 23 years old and not married. However, I was given even better advice which was to not to include single people in your decision when you are speaking of marriage they are at a different place in there lives and thus there opinion is all subjective, second you should seek advice from married couples whom have been together for awhile and not just married but in a good marriage. One that is rooted is a sound foundation. Overall advice to you is to go with your heart. If you were one of my best friends I would tell you this "people whom are not paying for the wedding cannot tell you what to do regarding the wedding, in addition, people whom feel as they have something more than you to do with you wedding needs to mine their own business because its not about them its about your happiness with your life mate and finally why is it so important to them that you get married today or tomorrow if they have as much faith in your relationship as they say they do then whether you get married tomorrow or 10 years from now they would be happy for you" In conclusion, I do not know your faith base but the only truly guidance you should be seeking is that from God. He will provide you with all the answers if you just listen.

Answer 4

Hang tough on the decisions that you and your fiance come up with together. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. You're marrying him and vice versa so don't let the families intrude (hard to do in some cases).

Maybe you should tell his folks that you're feeling a lot of pressure over the wedding and that they should leave it be or there might not be a wedding and you'll run off to Hawaii without anyone else. Hopefully your man will stand next to you and support you instead of caving in to his family.

Don't sweat the "aunt" thing. My husband's family did that a year before we got married. It was just their way of making sure I felt part of the family and that they knew it was going to happen.

Answer 5

I think the amount of time your waiting is fine for now especially with you feeling the way you feel your still very young not saying it won't work everyone gets butterflies but remember this this wedding and relationship is about you and him and no one else especially if your paying for it then no one really has nothing to say, but slow down take it easy do it at your own pace you have two years to push it forward or backward just take it easy your new life with him isn't going anywhere number one and two it's not gonna leave you cause it can't start without you

Answer 6

I agree that you can wait as long as you want. You make your own rules! My fiance and I have been together eight years, and we just got engaged and we're not getting married until late 2007. I mean, when you've found the one, why rush? You're going to be together anyway.

Answer 7

Any longer then 18months is to long.
Are you already living together? If you are then just go to the JP and do it. You don't have to have a big wedding now. If you are the one paying your parents should have no say so in what you do. If you are feeling rushed then maybe you should think twice, you should want to marry this man asap.

Answer 8

TAKE YOUR TIME!!! I am 28 and we are waiting a year... my Grandmother was pressuring us to get married sooner because she is afraid that she won't be "around" if we wait! I just asked her "Grandma, where are you going???" then told her that she isn't allowed to go anywhere because she is a very important part of my special day and that we aren't going to rush our planning so that she can take a vacation! She laughed and is now accepting that we are taking our time to get ready.

You want to make sure that it is right and if you want to pay yourselves and there are probably lots of other things you want to do first ... tell his family to (very politely) back off!!! This should be a happy time.

Answer 9

I say anything longer then a year and a half is too long. If you arent ready to get married yet then don't get engaged. I waited only 5 months and even that seemed a bit long for me.

Answer 10

21 is way too young to be considering marriage. You should break it off and go live your life. Seriously.

When you're 27 you are going to be consumed with unhappy thoughts about "what might have been." Why not go out and live for a while before you get married?