What can I do?

Question

My kids are 4 & 5. They are suppossed to spend some time with their dad this weekend? I haven't told them that they are going to be with their dad this weekend, because right now he doesn't know what day he can spend with them, because he is not sure if he has to work on Saturday. So if he does spend time with them it will be on Sunday. I don't want my kids to get their hopes up, because they were suppossed to spend Father's Day with him last weekend and we did not hear from him until about 6:00 p.m. I really want them to spend time with their dad (and the break for myself would be nice).

Answer 1

I dont think you should say anything just make it like a surprise. Many times that has happened to me and my kids. Don't get upset and make a big deal out of it. It'll just make your kids upset. I think you should have a talk with the father though and tell him he shouldn't make any promises with you about making plans with the kids. I think you should tell him he should make the kids a priority and once he gets his life together he can call and make plans.

Answer 2

Tell their dad to make more of an effort to spend time with his kids. Tell him they were excited last weekend and were heartbroken when he didn't call or stop by sooner. I don't know what he does for work but any job I've had i know what day I'm working on the weekend by Thursday at the latest due. I don't think your employer can make you come in unless they tell you by Thursday.
This is not just a problem for you but the kids. Tell him the predicament he is putting you in. It's unfair, maybe he could call the kids threw the week and talk to them as opposed to you having to deal with it all the time if he doesn't show

Answer 3

I'd tell them, and explain you both don't know what day he will be able to choose.

In the meantime, have a backup plan ready, so that if he doesn't show, you and the kids have something to do. If he doesn't call or show or contact you in any way, 1) the kids will learn as they grow older that you provide for them, 2) you will show that you care for them, 3) the kids will learn that this is a pattern with him (as hard as it is, it's the truthful way of dealing with it), and 4) your backup plan will keep them busy, and give you a chance to at least talk with them when they are feeling unloved.

Unfortunately, it's your job as the mommy to comfort your kids in such times. It's not your job to do his work and "cover up" for him. Just be honest with your kids, have a backup plan, and they'll thank you for it later in life.

Whatever you do, don't talk badly about their dad. Let them figure it out for themselves if that's what he is like--because they will figure it out.

Answer 4

I wouldn't say anything to the kids...Just don't plan anything for them on the weekend but to 'hang out' at home - Get a movie or something that way they are flexible if he shows or not. And if he does, they can always take the movie with them. ALSO, you definitely need to talk to their dad. He needs to take some responsibilty here. Yes, they are 4 and 5, but kids are smarter than we give them credit. He needs to be on the line with them, NOT you. His responsibility if he wants to get to know them or not. AND every time he doesn't show when he promised, I hope you are keeping notes in case you have to go to court (or he takes you to court for any reason).

Yes, you need a break. But your kids aren't at fault that there are not 2 parents at home. Each of you (parents) have a 'personal' responsibility to them. You need to get with other mothers for play times/over nights and you do the same for them when those other parents need a break.

It won't get better - trust me on this one.

Answer 5

Dear confused, I think the FIRST thing you should do is try talking to your ex-husband, make things clear with him. Try to make a weekly schedule if you depend on his work. I'm a divorced mom and it's normal to need time for yourself and it's so much better for the children if their lives are organized. They are what's most important right now, that's what your ex-husband should be thinking about too. If this doesn't work, then you might have to talk about getting a divorce, with specified visiting days and hours. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Just be honest with them and tell them that Dad may come by this weekend and spend time with them. Explain to them that he may have to work and because he may have to work, he may not come. Trust me, they'll be okay if you tell it to them straight up. Just make sure they know it's not a guaranteed thing.

Answer 7

Suggestion, while they are out of sight, pack a weekend bag for both of them and tell them nothing. That way if dad arrives, what a surprise, without you getting them excited and then deflated. Sorry, does nothing for your planning does it? But if they are gone, you have the house to yourself. Enjoy.

Answer 8

Don't tell them until your SURE he is going to pick them up. If you get their hopes up and he doesn't come they will learn that he is a dissapointment as a father. Trust me I have many friends with steps and real dads. Good luck.

Answer 9

Just try to explain to them that daddy loves them and he has to work lots of money so that when he does have time for them then he can take them some place nice and really have a good time.

Answer 10

Be honest. Tell your children that their father might have to work on Saturday, but that he'd like to see them and spend time with them if he is able. Have a backup plan so that you can tell them what you'll do if he can't make it, and the next time they might be able to see him.