Our 21/2 year old is going to be babysat for the first time this next weekend, How can we make him feel safe?

Question

Hubby and I are going to a wedding at UC Davis on the 1st. They are limited to only 100 people so, our 2 1/2 year old son, Jason will not be able to go. So we have to leave him with his Grandma ( Nonni) and Grandpa Bing. He has never been away from us and is afraid of his grandparents. ( They both had cancer last year and were really sick. And I think that Jason picked up on it and now he is afraid of them) My sister is coming up to help, but he is shy around her too. He only wants to be around us and play with us. How can I help him feel OK about this? I trust my parents and sister ( I don't trust or would leave him alone with my in-laws) but he is so attached to us that when we even take him to the park he would rather play with us than other kids.
Any ideas or should I just skip the wedding and stay at my parents house with him?

Oh, by the way hubby & I haven't been alone with each other since before he was born. Not sure what we will do with out him.

Let me make this clear. My son will be at my parents house with my sister and his grandparents. He is very attached to us and is scared if we leave him. How can I make him feel OK at my parents house before we leave?

Another added detail: My parents live over 200 miles away. We are lucky to see them every couple of months.

Answer 1

Have the baby sitter come over while the 2 of you are there to get the baby familiarized. Show the babysitter where the fave toys and snacks are. This would be a few days before the actual day.

Have the babysitter get down on the floor and actually play with your child to see if the baby responds in a postive way.

I think that would be a good approach.

UPDATE!!

I just reread your question. I think maybe then if he is so afraid of his grandparents then you may have to get a sitter.

I was afraid of my grandparents when I was younger. I think its normal unfortunately.

You should go to the function, though. I dont think its healthy for you if you continue to cater to your childs every whim. Sometimes its good to let them cry.

My mom was your classic liberal hippie and I grew up to be very normal and well adjusted. Stop worrying so much

Answer 2

since your parents are far away i would suggest having someone you trust watch him for an afternoon sometime as a trial run--this way, when you leave you can tell him i will be back at X time and when you actually come back at that time he will know that you will always come back when you leave him somewhere.

if this isnt an option, i would tell him ahead of time what is going to happen and bring something of yours, a scarf, a t-shirt, etc. and tell him that any time he misses you he can hold it and give you a call on the phone. tell him several times that you will be back before he knows it and that you are sure he will have so much fun. then, when you bring him to the house hang around a little, talk with someone while someone else plays with him, and when he seems occupied say okay, i have to go, i'll be back ____ , and just leave.

i think no matter what it is going to be a little hard for him since hes never been without you, but it will be a good experience for him in the long run.

i would definitely not skip the wedding.. he is going to have to go to school and be away from you at other times, getting him used to it while under the safe watch of your parents is a good option.

good luck

Answer 3

I think the most important thing to do is to go over to his grandparents house everyday for one week before you have to leave him there alone! Stay for an hour or so and dont leave him. If he wants to cling to you the whole time then let him, if you try to force him to go and play with his grandparents or try to force him off of your lap you are only going to worsen the situation. Hang out with him and let him get used to being at their house and being around them. You could also try bringing an old toy that he hasnt played with in a long time (or buying a new inexpensive one) and giving it to his grandparents so that THEY can be the ones that give him a new special toy that you know he will really like! Bribery works wonders sometimes! You could also try asking them to come to your house to babysit where he might feel more comfortable (but still then have them come over everyday for a week before to get him used to being around them)

Overall, I do NOT think you should skip the wedding....eventually you and your husband are going to have to leave him with babysitters and now is as good a time as any to start! =) And you and your husband deserve some anti-baby time too! If you trust the people you are leaving your son with, then everything is fine! He will be fine...he might cry for a minute or two after you leave, but he will be ok! I promise!! =)

Answer 4

All you can do is keep talking to him about it, and in a positive way. Don't let the scared of grandparents subject come up. If he mentions it, change the subject to something fun about him being there. Maybe buy him a new toy that he will only get to play with at their house. I would of course take along things that are comforting to him and don't make your goodbyes long and drawn out. He's going to have separation anxiety, just prepare yourself for that right now. But, the longer you linger around and let him cling, the longer he will cry. If you just go when you say it's time to go, he will get over it sooner and have a good time. And, there will be 3 adults there to make sure he is entertained. He will be fine! Go have fun with your husband, 2 and half years is wayyyyyy to long to not be out alone together!!

Answer 5

i think that with out a doubt YOU should go to this wedding, you are only 2/12 hours away from napa (if ur parents live in napa too) if it gets too dificult for Jason, you can always go back home. I think that it is very important that jason gets used to being around other people. (he needs socialization with other people too) after all they are his family too. i think that it would also be good for you and your hubby to have some "alone" time together before the new baby comes. who knows you may just love it so much that monthly "dates", where the kids go to grandma's house (not inlaws, i read about that one, thats nuts, 6 weeks??) become the norm in your household.

Answer 6

Do a test run and don't leave without saying goodbye running out without him noticing will only make him feel abandoned. Tell him you will be back to pick him up soon and leave, call later on, yes he may cry and throw a fit but your parents will be there to help calm him down. He'll do ok, I had trouble leaving my first born the first time.

Answer 7

Take him over to their house early before you leave and try doing things that include everyone. Play a silly game with him like have him sit on your lap and point at someone and have him say their name. Include everyone so he can see that there's no reason to be afraid of them.