How do you handle a 14 year girl who thinks she's 21 already?

Answer 1

There are a couple of approaches you could take including to a certain degree treating her like a 21 year old by making her get a job and pay for her rent, food, clothes, and anything else she wants. Unfortunately unless you know someone she probably can't get a job till she is 16. The other approach is communication and discipline. You have to constantly reinforce exactly what the rules are and what the punishments are and talk to her about why you are doing what you do. Kids will always push boundaries and feel like they are older than they are. As a parent your job is to show them what being older really is and to explain to them how they need to slow down and enjoy this time of very limited responsibilities that only someone their age has. Remember, you are the parent and what you say goes, don't let her ever start to think differently.

Answer 2

Well from a mother of a 14 year old boy who's best friend's are girls i am worried. I also have 2 younger girls and let me tell you i am very worried after the things i have been seeing with my boy and his friends. I am convinced that it is the friends that your kids and hanging out with. If you have a loving and respectful family and are bring up kids in this environment, then your kids should turn out OK, right. NO! because we send them to school and they make friends with kids that (and i feel sorry for them) are not being raised like kids. Parents that don't give a crap about where there daughters are and who they hang out with and what time they get home. So then our children want the same freedom as the friends from school.
What i am doing (and so far it's working) is keeping him busy enough so that he can not hang with them. That includes phones calls and chatting on the net. NO CONTACT at all. This you will see will change the attitude. Also make sure it's things that she likes doing because if she is bored, her friends are the only thing she'll want.

Good luck

Answer 3

What is she doing? Wearing those slutty clothes? If so, just don't buy them. Period. If she comes home w/ shorts that show half her butt, burn them. She is only 14. Treat her with respect, but still like a 14 year old. She has no power over you. She can't drive, can't work (no money). Don't take her where you would prefer she not go & don't give her money. When she goes to a friends house, ask to talk to their Mom or Dad to make sure it's ok and get the phone #. That way it will be more of a deterrent to lie about where she is if she knows you will call. It won't work all of the time, but it will help.

Answer 4

I'm fourteen and if she thinks she is 21 years old, I think you should tell her, "If you are 21, you buy your own food, your own clothes, and make your own food." Do this for a week and see how much she likes it. Maybe she will come back to the real world and realize that she is only 14 years old!

Answer 5

um start treatin her like she is 21, give her the responsibilities any other 21 yr old will have. but watch out for alcohol use. dont abuse her and tell her she is messed up, my mom does that to me. i am 17 years old right now and have been living on my own since i was 15. i have had fulltime jobs since i was 16 i had to pay for everything. i didnt have time for highschool so now i missed out on that. DONT LET HER DO THAT! high school is the funnest time in a teens life.

let her kno that you are there for her, try to set up mother daughter time where you spend quality time together, but dont ask her bout bad things shes doin, if you have fun and do things she wants she will warm up to you and feel like she can talk to you about anything. then will be the time to talk to her, make sure you sound concerned and not STERN. tones facial expressions, and words truly matter and are taken into consideration with a teen. remember she probably has drama at school.

i wish you the best of luck.

let me kno wat happens

~Amanda

Answer 6

Your success in "handling" this 14-year-old depends upon the relationship you developed with her for the initial 13-years of her life. For example, do you listen to her, at least twice as often, as you talk to her? How secure is she with your love for her, your understanding of her, and your interest in her long term best interest? Have you developed a relationship with this 14-year-old girl based upon trustworthiness, trust and honesty? Can she discuss the desires and needs that drive her and attack her youthful senses? Can she come to you and honestly discuss what motivates her and expect clear understanding, rather than judgemental ranting?
Are you willing work with her and guide her into wise decisions, rather than trying to force her into your image of what a 14-year-old should be?
You have an arduous task ahead, but it can be done! Several principles will be helpful. Love must lead justice; mercy must outrank law; and patience must be an ever-present environment in which she lives with you.
In this task, be prepared to be tested, even severely tried. But you can accomplish it. She will be forever grateful. You will be rewarded.

Answer 7

You may know that your teen has a behavioral disorder if the "acting out" has carried on for a long period of time and goes against what is socially acceptable for your teen's age and situation. Your teen's behavior is a problem if it is self-destructive and adversely affects your family.

Teen behavioral problem usually stem from the lack of ability to cope with certain situations such as anger, anxiety, the need for attention, drug abuse, negative peer association, depression, low self-esteem, behavior disorders, traumatic events, or separation and abandonment issues. Many behavior disorders are a substantial cause for teen behavioral problems.

From: http://www.liahonaprogram.com/info/behavioral.html

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Here is something else that is important:

Points to remember

1. Be patient with your teenage daughter. Give her some time to open up.

2. Spend time with her. Your daughter maybe having some hidden talents. Explore and encourage her to pursue her talents.

3. Care for her. It is very important to tell your daughter that you love her and no matter what happens you always will love her and care for her.

4. Be there when she needs you. Don't ever give up on her. With your love and support your daughter can pass all tests of life and can tackle all hurdles with courage.

5. Be her mentor and friend. A mother can be the daughter's best friend. Don't let her be scared of you. Try to strengthen the bond between the two of you.

6.Learn to forgive her but at the same time be strict when required.

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It's good to see parents who care enough about their daughters to ask for advice from others. Don't give up on her!

Answer 8

Yes, tough love.... don't leave her alone for long lengths of time, don't use the cell phone as a "babysitter" or as a means for her to "check-in", be consistant, don't let her make you feel guilty... don't try to be the "cool" mom... she may hate it now, but she'll love and respect you more later if you stay on her. Keep her involved in whatever activities you can. Just my humble advice. I am a single mother and my daughter is now 18... it hasn't been easy and it's not easy for them in this day and age. Good luck!

Answer 9

you dont handle her... dont make her feel caged in and like your seargant slaughter who has the iron chains ready to rap her up and lock her in the room for the rest of her life because shes 1/2 hr late, or she likes an older boy, trust me start to treat her like a person and shell rspect you more and tell u more, dont snoop in her stuff because the chances are your gonna find something that you dont want too and if you punish her it will just make her go out and do it more.. like drink and have sex, prevent them in different ways im 22 and went through this a couple of years ago on the other side of the spectrum , now im a mommy and a wife and i see things like u do but just take it easy, being tooo strict and desparate for all the details of her life are gonna get you no where, shes growing up, if you want you can give her my email adress and ill talk to her for you, i know its hard when you see them making the wrong choices its like piercing pain but shes also an individual that has to learn her own mistakes, give her a little space and youll see how much shell want you to know stuff, just dont freak out when she does something you dont agree with, wiegh the pros and cons with her and shee respect you for respecting her

Answer 10

You slap her down in her place. That is the problem with the majority of the parents out here now, they re too afraid of letting their kids know who runs things. When she starts paying some of your bills then she can act 21 all she wants to. Let her know her place in your household. If you continue to let her do what she wants to she's going to be bringing home to YOU a baby.