anybody got some good CLEAN jokes?

Question

i need a good laugh but nothing bad

Answer 1

a reverend goes to a ranch and the ranch owner gives hima special horse to ride. it gallops when you say hallelujah and stops when you say amen. so he goes for a ride and is having so much fun he forgets the words to stop the horse, and notices he is nearing a cliff. he begins to ramble off religious words in an attempt to stop the horse. finally he says amen, and the horse stops a foot from the edge of the cliff. the reverend then raises him arms and lets out a loud "hallelujah!"

Answer 2

What do you call a dog w/ no legs? You don't 'cause it won't come!

A man in Chicago calls his daughter in Austin, TX and tells her that he and his wife of 27 years are getting a divorce. He says, "I can't stand the sight of your mother any more and we want a divorce!" The daughter is of course shocked of the news and says, "You can't, you two have been together for a long time!" The father says, "Too late, my mind is made up and I'm too upset to talk about it any more, so please call your brother and tell him." Before he could hang up his daughter says, "Don't do anything until we get there!" They hang up and the sister calls her brother in Fresno, CA to tell him the bad news. The brother calls his parents in Chicago and also tells them not to move we're on our way to straighten things out. The husband gets off the phone and tell his wife, "Well the kids are coming over for Thanksgiving, what should we tell them at Christmas?"

Answer 3

A guy was reading in his local paper that there was a pun contest. Each contestant may submit up to 10 puns to be entered. So the man enters 10 differnt puns, but did any win? Unfortunately no pun in ten did.

Answer 4

A woman and a man go to church every week, and every week, the man falls asleep during the pastor's sermon. So the wife decides that she'll bring a long hat pin, and poke him with it whenever he fell asleep.
So later that morning they went to church. And almost as soon as church had started the man fell asleep. The pastor began to get into his sermon. He posed the question, "And who created the world in seven days?"

The woman poked the man with the pin. He jumped up and said, "GOD ALMIGHTY!"

"Very good, very good." The pastor replied, nodding his head. The man sat down in embarrassment, but soon fell asleep again.

The pastor continued his sermon, and got to the point where he posed another question, "And who died on the cross to save us from our sins?"

"JESUS CHRIST." The man said as he jumped up after being poked. The entire congregation looked at him. He mumbled something to himself, and sat back down.

The pastor once again continued his sermon, and neared the end. He posed one more question, "And what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?"

The woman poked her husband one more time, and he jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT OFF!"

Answer 5

We've all heard about how dangerous Central Park in NYC can be, right?
Well there were two peanuts walking through Central Park one night and one was assaulted. (a salted?)
Doesn't work very well in print.

Answer 6

Yes. I bet out there somewhere somebody has good CLEAN jokes.

Answer 7

why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7. eight. 9.My kids think its funny.

Answer 8

an overwieght woman goes to her doctor and says
"doctor, am i a little pale (pail)?'
the doctor responds, "no lady, you're a big fat tub."

Answer 9

i got one that my kids love, "How do you make a kleenex dance? punchline--- "Put a little boogie in it."

I know kind of corney.... but kids can tell it.