every relationhsip goes thru ups and downs...but when is it time to move on? i feel like i have so much time, energy, money, etc. invested that i dont want to leave. i love him to death but he is so stubborn...we both are. when its good its all good....but when its bad its bad. the sex is great, communication is good most of the time, we have so much in common, our childhoods are similar in most aspects, we keep each other laughing...so why when we do argue are the arguments so bad?
2006-06-22 06:47:53 · 20 answers · asked by MsNic 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I personally think that arguing is healthy in a relationship. It lets you grow together as a couple. Just remember this: when you are done fighting, make sure you know what caused the problem so that you can try to keep it from happening again. Make sure you sit down with him and discuss what went wrong and apologize! If you think you guys have really bad arguments try to look at what you are arguing about - is it a small petty thing or is it something that is significant? and even more so, an hour into the fight can you even REMEMBER what you are fighting about?
Arguing and fighting is healthy as long as its not leading to abusive behavior and its not in excess. From the way things sound you have a great relationship and if you don't want to leave than don't. Only you can make that decision.
You say he's stubborn, but maybe you are stubborn too - thats not a bad thing but it could be the reason you guys argue. Neither of you are willing to give in. If thats the case, sit down together and try to come to a compromise.
GOOD LUCK!
2006-06-22 06:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by Spork 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confrontations and arguments are the catalysts to both growth and changes. They're can be both either good and/or bad depending on how you interpret the reasons for or the motives of the confrontations and arguments. Sometimes, confrontations or arguments are about space, attention, acceptance, needs, wants, desires, problem solving, fears, etc...
To solve or resolve the problem you are having regarding the intensity of the arguments, you need to understand why or the reason you are arguing and the true and/or real motive behind the argument. This is where communication between both of you is vital, and both of you need to be more objective versus being subjective regarding the problem and the solution.
Don't jump the gun and assume anything. Sounds like you have a reasonably stable and secure relationship, but like any relationship there are and always will be problems along with ups and downs. That is part of the learning process of developing a more intimate and maintaining a relationship with someone.
2006-06-22 14:01:17 · answer #2 · answered by Oscar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the sex is still good and the communication is good and you keep each other laughing, hang in there. There's nothing wrong with having arguments, even bad ones. You say you love him to death, well, then just keep loving him.
Life is full of ups and downs - this isn't heaven. And all mature relationships take work.
So you argue - who doesn't?
2006-06-22 13:53:18 · answer #3 · answered by msgene61@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because people devolve into children when they argue, they don't argue about what the real issue is they argue about a topic and a situation...anger comes from fear or frustration, realizing that helps. there are lots of things written about the 'proper' grown up ways to argue. but to answer your question, enough is enough when it just isn't worth it anymore, when what you get out of it is not good enough to make up for the crap you take because of it...if you had a job and got your paycheck and looking at the amount made you think 'that is not worth what i had to go through to earn it' it's the same thing. the only thing worse than losing the time and money you already have invested is losing the time and money you will have invested in it in 3 years, or next year, or next month or next week. its called cutting your losses. and those thing are definitely no reason to stay.
2006-06-22 13:52:46 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to remember when you get upset all the good times, don't dwell on the bad. Happiness is so hard to find, don't give it up just because it is rough sometimes. I would love to find someone that I have so much in common with and could share both the good and the bad with. Be patient, it will all work out fine if you give it the effort. Good Luck!!
2006-06-22 13:51:45 · answer #5 · answered by lissad 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear dont worry about anything right now as it is the truth that no relation is there for the whole life so enjoy and be calm as life is too short to argue and the argument will never end so try makeing good of every thing
2006-06-22 13:50:19 · answer #6 · answered by suraj06k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there some a time in any relationship once you put in a certain amount of time you don't want to leave but We also have to watch for signs on the other behalf of discomfort or betrayal, deceit, etc. though we often ignore it when presented.I learned you always have to stay true to your self in or out of a relationship. It sounds to me he is not sure about what he wants, and not meaning to put anything negitive in your head but he may also be exploring, nothing special but seeing what is out there. let look at it you two were childhood sweet hearts or friends been together forever and no all of the sudden he is not sure and I don't think it is you, i THINK he is not sure of himself, believe me I been there already and it is hard to see some one you love daily just not hear you plea to make it work, It is all about you and it will always BE; never lose that, I learned the hard way. =)
Good luck
2006-06-29 11:01:38 · answer #7 · answered by seeking 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is because you are both in love with each other, but need to get your point across. Men and Women think differently and women are notorious for trying to get men to see it their way. But the truth is hun, he might not ever see it your way, and that is ok. You just have to decide if it is something you can accept. My husband and i are the exact same way, but when we have a hard fight, we try to solve the problem and sometimes we have to agree to disagree, but we always make up and figure out a way to deal with the situation. And here is a little secret, always admit when you are wrong, even if you argue the issue to death, when you make up, admit if you are wrong. It makes you the bigger person and he will start to do so also. Enough is when you say it enough. It is up to you to decide what you will put up with. Is he worth it? Does he do the same for you? Are you worth it? When my hubby and i were dating we broke up for six months, but we realized it was not worth it and have been so happy ever since. Don't take yourselves to seriously!
2006-06-22 13:57:23 · answer #8 · answered by micah z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that I have the same problem. Do yall have any kids together? I do and thats kind of hard to when u have a kid. How long have you been together. I think that it has alot to do with not wanting to throw away something that you have worked on for so long (ex: money, investments, love etc.) Sorry I can't help you but if u find the answer let me know. :)
2006-06-22 13:54:23 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be a function of age, many people tend to calm down somewhat and learn to control their tempers as they get older. Some people learn the hard way that words are weapons and they leave scars just like a physical attack. Working on mutual respect and some rules for fair fighting might help.
2006-06-22 13:52:46 · answer #10 · answered by Pamela H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋