My youngest son (17) states that he does not?

Question

respect me anymore. I am very hurt by this statement. It wasn't that long ago he brought something home for me "because I love you is why." Reason he doesn't respect me is he has an older brother (26) who is a drug addict and has been in and out of our lives for years. The last time he was in our lives, he was clean for a while and fell back (which my younger son predicted with accuracy). Before older son left last time, he stole everything again (he destroyed us financially years ago). It's hard being a parent of a drug addicted son - especially when you can't help but love him and want him better. I was the one who kicked him out last time. I'm not the one who allowed him back anyway. He said he's angry AT ME about all the things he did to us (going back 10+ years). These are my only two boys and I'm really hurting from this statement as my younger son is my world. He's expecting a baby too and I told him I hope he never hears words like I had to hear. What do you think?

He told me those were the reasons he doesn't respect me anymore. We've been fighting for 2 days now.

Answer 1

It is your younger son's duty to respect you, even if he does not agree with how you have handled your older son. One day he will need your unconditional love and support that you gave to your older son, and he will have to eat his words. You are a very good mother but eventually, if you really want your older son to get better, you will have to cut him loose until he gets real help and cleans himself up. Look on-line for some parent support groups so you can have someone to talk to about this issue who will see it from a parents point of view. Your younger son is brat and needs to stand by his mother and blame the person who is really at fault. His brother.

Answer 2

i dont get it he doesnt respect u b/c your son stole from u why not dislike the brother and not the mother u didnt tell your oldest to go out be a user u tryed your best to raise them the way any good parent would once they become of age u cant hold their hand anymore its up them to know right from wrong u can talk and talk and they dont listen so what can u do give advice and let them come home b/c they say they changed and have no where to go u doing what any parent would butit comes atime when your fed up and say enough is enough and u cant help anymore your son shouldn't blame u its not your fault after yoruson stole u tryand make things better with what u got and rebuild as much as u can your sonshouldbe thankful he has a mom many kids in this world dont and thankful he has a roof over his head a place tosleep and eat and a place where is unborn child can call home as well hang in there and tell him this and let him know u hope he doesnt have to face any kind if difficult situations that we've faced as a parent and let him know parenting isnt easy even with all the book they have as for your other son tough love he has to kick the habit on his own and u cant let him back ini know it hurt mybrother is on crack was clean and now back at it again so be strong and just continue to love and the words your son said know hes just mad but at the wrong person

Answer 3

Oh honey I feel so bad for you. I don't have children but I was married to a drug addict for awhile (became addicted after we were married 7 yrs) I stayed with him for another six years during his addiction and I finally had to say enough is enough. Maybe you're younger son feels he was neglected in some way because you focused so much of your time, energy, and love on his brother. In his mind, his brother doesn't deserve those things from you. Just take some time for both of you to cool off and then maybe you can begin to mend things between you. Ask him how he would handle it if it were his child. Maybe that will help him understand your position a little better.

Answer 4

it seems like you (or the person who let the older son back in) are enabling the older son to keep being a drug addict. by letting him come back over and over, you make it okay, no matter what you say...your younger son sees this and sees the older one taking advantage of you.
its not so much that he doesn't repsect you, its that he sees your actions hurting you and him, and its not fair that your actions hurt him, cause he has no choice in what you do. also, he probably doesn't like to see a mom he loves so much be taken advantage of. do some research, give information to your older son, offer to take him to drug counseling, get him on public housing or food stamps....but DO NOT let him live with you or give him money. that only lets him be a druggie longer. your older son is throwing away his life, don't let your younger son...concentrate on him.

also know, that teenagers often say things they don't mean because they don't know how to express the feelings they have and thats the best they can do, so don't take the 'i don't respect you' remark to heart. of course he respects you, he just doesn't know how else to get his point across. take the remark as the cry for help that it is, and don't replay it over and over again in your head, because that is likely not what he meant to say.

Answer 5

The older son needs help, you need to show him where people who do drugs go; ex prison, streets, crackhouse etc. If you can fix the older son's problem then it can help influence the younger son for a better life, since he looks up to him as a role-model.

Answer 6

Your younger son has been hurt by all that his brother has done too, and he needs you to acknowledge that. Once you do, you should be able to talk about the situation. A family councelor might help. good luck

Answer 7

he's too young to understand. Even though if you will try to explain it to him, he will never understand. But dont worry, time will come, especially if he becomes a parent already, you will be successfully make him understand that even if your son is the most evil person in the world, you would still love him (basic human instinct).

Answer 8

My heart goes out to you. I think he is a 17 year old boy still grasping, still learning. With good communication between you two, he will grow up and realize how his words hurt and hopefully apologize.

Answer 9

lady your a good mother for putting up with him for so long.maybe one day hill wake up and finally realize how good you are to him. He's in a drug haze right now ,mentally just stay Positive ( he need 's to grow up!!/ not U!!)@ don't Smother him that will only hurt YOU Capeche I hope u got that meaning/ just means ok

Answer 10

You have got to cut loose the older child. Failure to stand up for what needs to be done is perceived as weakness, thus the lack of respect he has for you.