Boyfriends almost six year old son cries and whines for every little thing-my son and I don't know how to cope

Question

Don't know how to cope anymore. My son (almost 9) lashes out and is mean to boyfriends son, I step in and stop it, but it aways ends up in same situation at one point in day. Tried to explain to boyfriend that he needs to get involved and not make my son feel like outsider so much (boyfriend "deserted us" 2 years ago, so this is starting over for us-my son was very hurt and is mistrustful and angry now). Boyfriends son is extremely challenging-very cute, but very whiney and cries for every single little thing-very tattley also. I am very patient with him, and very supportive also, but I am getting extremely tired of feelng that my boyfriend thinks his son is simply reacting to my son's behavior. My son truly only "picks" on boyfriends son when he has simply had enough of the crying, tattling, and whining. I also don't want my son to be a bully though-I am lost.

I appreciate the input. However, I have tried the time-out thing (I still do it), as well as talking to my son and letting him know why his behavior is not acceptable (being mean), and giving him alternative ways to deal with his frustration. But the fact is I myself have gotten to the point where my boyfriends sons constant crying and whining is driving me nuts and I feel like my boyfriend blames all of his son's behavior on my son. The thing is that his son acts like this even when my son is not around.

Answer 1

That's a tough one. I don't know how you handle discipline in your house but something that has worked for me (I am the primary care taker for my boyfriend's two children who are both from different unions) is using a good marble/bad marble system. I know it sounds kinda corny at first, but, you make a customized fair list of the behaviors that are not acceptable (whining and petty tattling is on our list) and they get a bad marble (btw we have pickle jars labeled good and bad) anytime they exhibit these behaviors and if they get too many (say 5 or more depending on how minor or major they are) they get restricted from a privilege. However, it wouldn't be any fun if they didn't get rewarded when they are behaving so you can make a list or decided on a moment to moment basis if they are being good (sharing, doing things when told, remembering to put a plate in the sink etc.. whatever works for your household) and if they get so many good marbles I let them make a list of a few fun things we can do around the house for 30 minutes, and another short list of things we could do that would cost a little more that we would have to drive to or something like a small toy and I reward them weekly with something fun for being good and helping me out. You may need to do it as a daily system. I used to use it daily but now that the boy is older and better behaved we only have to use it weekly now. Sometimes children just need a little guidance and to know what the rules are, and to know what is unacceptable and when they can see that their behavior is not good consistently and they are rewarded for being good they will want to change.. especially if you make a big deal out of them being good. Good Luck... hope this helps or gives you some ideas anyway.

Answer 2

Not the best of a solution, but try a time-out in the corner. My step-daughter does the same thing to a point, 8 yrs. old, and after like 20 minutes of standing there, i'll pull her out and explain why she was there. All the symptoms youm described fit as well. The thing is, once you start this, you CAN'T let up. Once you do that, they'll continue to have thier way. You'll hear alot of crying and what have you, but in the end, it works. If you dont like this method, take toys, TV, play time, games, ect. away until improvement. Make sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page though, and even if you and your boyfriend seperated before, its gonna take time for your son to accept the hurt that he felt at the time...

Answer 3

I am not in your shoes but I do know one thing. Your son is your first and last obligation and should be your only concern. If your boyfriend isn't seeing what his son is like and blames your son, you need a new boyfriend. Your son should have a happy childhood and I don't think he is with these two. This is one of those times where your son comes before you and you need to do the right thing for him...... You think he is bad now? HA!!! Wait til he hits his teens. Stop the foolishness now for his sake.

Answer 4

I think you need to give both the same disapline, if the baoyfriend doesnt want to cope then I dont know what to say, you either keep those two apart or find something that those two can share,
when ever the kid acts up, you stay out and leave him crying till he stops..its gonna take a while but I think if you give him attention then he'll act up more.

Answer 5

well when your son lashes out instead of getting your self worked up just take a deep breath and pull them a part and give them a talking to and if it happens again'' invent'' a naughty corner system and see how that work!u son probably takes his anger out on Boyfriends son! ma-by your son can go speak to somebody he isn't to young!sorry i sound a bit forward!