If you love someone and they love you, should there still be limits as to what you do for them?

Question

Should you always forgive them, as long as they did not do something to hurt you on purpose? Should you always be there for each other in the bad times? Is it ok to want to be alone sometimes? Should you fulfill your lover's fantasy, even if it doesn't interest you. Should you go out of your way to always make sure they are happy? Should you expect the same in return?

Well nothing in specific was done. I just wondered if some of these things I asked should be done in a loving relationship. Like wanting me to fulfill a fantasy I may not enjoy, but doesn't really hurt me. Or is it bad for me not to always bend over backwards, like cancel a visit with a friend to do something for her?

Answer 1

I'm going to answer each of your questions...

If you love someone and they love you, should there still be limits as to what you do for them? YES! Don't let anyone take advantage of you or take you for granted!

Should you always forgive them, as long as they did not do something to hurt you on purpose? YES! Always forgive BUT! Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to stay with that person. Sometimes forgiveness is the best way to say goodbye and good luck!


Should you always be there for each other in the bad times? As far as possible. But, you cannot be everything to one person. You both need support systems, not just supportive people.

Is it ok to want to be alone sometimes? YES! And you should be. You need time to yourself to remind yourself who you are. We forget that sometimes being wrapped up in a relationship.

Should you fulfill your lover's fantasy, even if it doesn't interest you? Hmmm....two things--don't knock it til you try it BUT! Don't put yourself in compromising, er uh, positions, that you might regret later. Regret lasts a lot longer than a moment of passions (trust me....read my Q&A for details....)

Should you go out of your way to always make sure they are happy? NO! They are responsible for their own happiness. You can help with that, but happiness/joy comes from within.

Should you expect the same in return? Yes and No! You should expect to be treated with the same respect as anyone else, but don't put yourself out for someone else who does not show you the same.

Answer 2

When you're in love, you are in a frame of emotion. You're admitting that you feel a strong attachment to the person, and want to experience emotional and physical intimacy with them. You're not allowing yourself to totally submit your free will and emotions. So I think if you're in a healthy relationship (not co-dependent) there should be limits. You should respect your own feelings, which is why I don't believe loving someone earns them the right of unconditional forgiveness. And being alone sometimes is healthy, it is what makes you a well-rounded person who understands them self.

However, loving someone usually includes the aspect of wanting to see them happy. As far as the aspect of sexual experimentation goes, if you talk honestly about what your partner is interested in trying, and it wouldn't cause you major physical or emotional discomfort, I would think it would be good to try it. If it's something you absolutely couldn't go through with, then by all means don't do it. That doesn't mean you love your partner any less.

I think an ideal relationship is one where both partners can be open and honest with each other, understand that we are humans who make mistakes, so they should have the ability to listen and try to forgive. Respect and friendship should be key aspects, and as long as you feel that loving your partner makes you the best person you can be, I would say you're in a good relationship. Hope this helps! =D

Answer 3

Frist never do anything you think is wrong. And if you chose to do something for your mate do it from the heart. Doing things for each other is a good thing. The more you give to a relationship the more you get out of it if you both love each other and respect each other. And it is okay to want to be alone sometimes. You both need your space.

Answer 4

If you love someone, you will want to do those things for them. However, it is acceptable (and HUMAN) to want to have some private time and to have some time to spend with friends. You should ALWAYS be there for them during the bad times, that is what a loving relationship is about. And yes, you should expect the same courtesy and love in return.

Answer 5

A lot of questions, with no easy, simple, straight-forward answers.

In a way, all of your questions have the same answer, which is, " it depends."

To understand about what is reasonable, and what is unreasonable, what is caring for someone and what is caring too much, or in an unhealthy or inappropriate way, you might want to read about being co-dependent or codependency. from wikipedia, "A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-dependent

is a pretty good introduction to the concept.
It mentions Melody Beattie, who wrote the best book on the subject, called "Codependent No More".

I don't think that one can love too much, but i do think that one can try to show love in unhealthy, even destructive ways, especially if the relationship is out of balance.

Answer 6

The limits should be that you should do whatever is fair, reasonable, and does not conflict with your moral values. Yes, they should do the same for you.

In a good relationship with the right person, these things are a given, and no one has to "change" him or her self to meet the other half way. Without friendship and trust, no relationship can work.

Answer 7

Everybody needs limits, even parents and our spouses or lovers. Always be true to yourself when you give. Never give til you are all drained, then you will have no more to give and you will feel bad about yourself..

Answer 8

You do what you feel comfortable doing. It is always ok to want to be alone once in awhile.
What exactly did your lover do?

Answer 9

If they loved you as well then they would limit themselves to not make you do anything you didn't want to.

Answer 10

Yes...there should be limits, like if you want to be alone, you should be able to be alone.