My girlfreind has self esteem issues. she is continually putting herself down by saying that she is crazy or stupid. She is far from any of these things. she keeps telling me that she is trying to stop but can't because they are things she has been hearing from people her whole life. I want to help her but I just don't know how. anybody have any suggestions on what I can do to help her? no childish ansers telling me to dump her please.
2006-06-22 03:10:47 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Just love her and be patient with her. Tell her that you believe in her and that she isn't any of those things, and that you think she is wonderful. Emotional scars take time to heal.
2006-06-22 03:13:27 · answer #1 · answered by **mil** 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI
If she has been getting this her entire life then i assume it started at home first of all is she still living at home, on her own ( which she must know is a accomplishment for her) or with you. if it is still at home if she is over 18 she needs to get out of that environment ( and not move in with you which would just be another crutch second what is her job situation? is she working at a menial job where she has no room to grow if so use that as a stepping stone third how does she feel she looks physically is she over weight, doesn't dress well etc. she can lose weight (and this might be the major reason for her low self esteem not that it is bad but it is a leading cause) if it's how she dresses etc ask girl friends of hers to go shopping with her ( Even at a thrift store if money is a issue) not only will she feel better temp by being out with the girls but will get a better sense of style ( hopefully) without knowing the girl it is hard to say what is best but build her up as much as possible get her into volunteer work ( as it is tough to feel bad about yourself when you are part of a bigger project and helping others). It will work out OK dude she has you and you obviously care about her so shes half way there already.
2006-06-22 10:26:25 · answer #2 · answered by magicboi37 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are a mental health professional, you may be best off not trying: you will torture yourself and suffer unnecessarily. The good news is that you're probably helping her just by being there and giving her positive comments. Be very patient, and very gentle. This will take a long, long time, so ask yourself if you're there for the long haul.
Maybe say that because so many people have told her that she is worthless, she'll need some real help to counteract that. Tell her she needs to see a counselor: not because she is crazy or stupid, but because people have abused her most of her life. This is as much counseling for abuse as anything else. Help her find a counselor she can trust.
2006-06-22 10:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by Alex G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an exercise Paul Meier taught in his book. I don't know the english title, but it was "No dejes que los odiosos terminen contigo" in spanish.
Tell your girlfriend to:
Take a rubber band and put it to your wrist. Keep it on for 24 hours.
While you keep it, whenever you have a thought like "I am so stupid" "I ruined it" or whatever is negative towards yourself, pull it.
At the end of the 24 hours, look your wrist. It will be more or less bruised. That is a way to find out how much damage you are doing to your own mind.
May repeat in some months to see if the amount of negative thoughts about yourself has reduced.
2006-06-22 10:20:44 · answer #4 · answered by mbestevez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have actually kinda gone through what she's been through. By best advise comes from my best friend, who is a guy. He would always make me get in the mirror and tell myself things that I wouldnt normally think about myself (like I'm pretty, I CAN do this, I'm not stupid, etc).
He then he had me to "change my answers," as he called it. For example, if he said, "You're looking very beautiful today." Instead of me saying, "No I don't. My hair's a mess and I don't like this shirt," I would say, "I know. I am looking damn good today... Thanks!" He told me that I have to be cocky with it. Being cocky is not a good thing all the time, but if you can get her to that point, where she can just act that way around you, she will eventually come out of her low self-esteem mindframe. I worked for me! Try it!
2006-06-22 10:18:33 · answer #5 · answered by Aimee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a girl and I too have self esteem issues. My b/f and I always have problems when I talk myself down because he tells me none of it is true and I have to stop believing what other people say and start believing in what he says. He keeps telling me nice things, doing nice things and always contradicts me when I say something bad about myself. In a sense it has helped me a little but I still have a long way to go. Just be there for her and talk to her. Say positive things to her and eventually over time she'll start believing and forgetting what other people thinks. Other than this she might need counselling.
2006-06-22 10:17:18 · answer #6 · answered by dsd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore it!
I know that it will be difficult because you obviously think highly of her and you know that she is not stupid or crazy, etc. Besides the self esteem issues that started this, she now is using it (maybe unconsciously) for attention, she is thriving on the attention you are giving her when telling her that she is not stupid but bright and clever, so on and so forth.
Instead, smother her with complement at all times but not when she puts herself down, then just ignore it as if you didn't hear.
2006-06-22 10:19:15 · answer #7 · answered by Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why doesn't she try affirmations (positive self talk). And you can encourage her by telling her how wonderful / sensible / smart she is, in your conversations .. so she starts hearing good things about herself. Since she tells you that these are things she's been hearing her whole life, it means she's aware that the negative messages have an impact .. so now it's up to her to give herself some positive messages. Affirmations are great and you can find them at plenty of places. There's a nice website I go to called my meditations.com, which sends a little inspirational message and an affirmation for the day, in my Inbox every morning. (affirmations are positive statements about oneself, that you're supposed to repeat, almost like a mantra .. even if you don't believe it, it does sink in .. just as the negative messages did.)
2006-06-22 10:17:08 · answer #8 · answered by askios007 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being supportive and a 'good' friend, is about the most you can do, personally. Perhaps, suggesting your friend speaking to a counselor, could be the best advise you could give. Her self-esteem problems, probably have existed since childhood...and working with someone, who is experienced (in counselling)
would be a good start. It could be a life-long struggle, if she doesn't get the help she needs.
2006-06-22 11:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all get her around new funn people.
Obviously changing her surroundings is a big issue.
She'll only get different results if she tries something different.
if she wants things to stay the same then do nothing and it will continue.
Will a career change help?
I work with whom I want. When I want. The product my team and I market is in 12 countries right now!!!
We are projected to be in 50 countries altogether within the next 4 1/2 years!!!!
2006-06-22 10:20:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep giving her support and telling her how wonderful she actually is. It might take time because of how long she has believed in her misconceptions, but just keep loving her and she will pull through. Just have patience and give her time. If she still doesn't come around, then go to the school counselor with her or a psychologist. There might be something more at the root of her beliefs. ~
2006-06-22 10:19:37 · answer #11 · answered by pinneapple_418 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋