why do women say there fine when they clearly are not?

Answer 1

Read men are from Mars and women and from Venus for a comprehensive guide to understanding the female universe.

Answer 2

I am famous for this. The reasons I often say "nothing's wrong" are the following:
1. I'm afraid to say what's on my mind because I'm afraid of what my husband's reaction will be.
2. He approaches me in a way that feels hostile or that doesn't feel like he REALLY wants to know......like he just asks so that I'll stop being distant
3. I want him to sort of drag it out of me in a caring way.....like saying,"Look, I have an idea of what's bothering you but I need you to explain it so I can try and fix the problem. Is there something I'm not doing right? Is there something that someone else did that's bothering you? Are you just having a down day?"
4. I don't' want to always make you think something little is going to disrupt daily life, so I try to act like things are fine. I don't' want to always be the one with "issues".......clearly this doesn't' work though cause our behavior causes the same problem anyway when we're trying to hide it.

I KNOW this is insane and that it shouldn't be this way.....but ALOT of women do this and I'll bet it's for some of those reasons. In general, if we feel SAFE telling you what's on our mind, and that we wont' be judged, in time we can learn to be more direct about what's "wrong".

Answer 3

Yep. We DO do that, don't we ? It's all in the tone.....The word "fine" has a full bevy of meaning all related to tone and timing. Tough, tough, tough. But the REASON women use the word "fine" when they clearly are not is because women, in general, do not like confrontation. They are not genetically programmed to confront; they are programmed to get what they want and need in indirect ways. So (and one has to ask why - if they are 'clearly' not "fine" - you are even ASKING if they are OK) when you ask if they are ok and they say "fine" they expect you can SEE that they are not fine (again, why did you even ask?) and you are then expected to work to find out why they are not "fine."

If you can see she is not "fine" then instead of asking what is wrong (or if she is ok) ask what you can do to make things better or ask if she wants to talk about what is bothering her and if she says she is "FINE" then say it is pretty clear that she is not and unless she tells you what is wrong, you - not being a mind reader - can only be left to your own conclusions (which will invariably be wrong!)

Answer 4

Because they communicate differently. (same words, different language) 85% of what women are saying is in the tone of voice. I think sometimes the fact that you are asking is a problem; obviously you would not ask if you didnt think there was a problem. Maybe you should say something like, 'I sense that all is not right with you, would you like to talk about it?' if she says 'no' then try 'Ok. I really dont know what is wrong and would like to know, maybe I can help so please tell me when you feel able to talk about it'

Answer 5

Yesterday someone accused women of being "uncontrollably emotional".... today we're not emotional enough. You men are tough customers.

Most of the time when I do that (and all women do, don't let them lie to you), it's because my husband has done something and I think he should already know what I'm upset about. Is he a mindreader? No. Should he know by now what sorts of things will be upsetting to me? After 12 years, yes.

Answer 6

I don't know about everyone else, but when I'm upset and my husband asks what is wrong, I will sometimes say I am fine. I do it because I don't think he is interested in what is wrong at that time or I want to talk about it but not sure how to say what I want to. Sometimes talking about something else for a few minutes will work. Sometimes I just feel like crying but there is really nothing wrong. I just need a good cry. Sometimes, we just need time.

I know I have asked my husband what is wrong when I can tell there is something bothering him. He says nothing and I know that it is a lie. He is just mad and doesn't want to talk about it or it is something that he doesn't feel he should talk about to me at that time.

Answer 7

Because women are very emotional creatures and we try to think things out and say things in as a non hurtful way as much possible most of the time. We know that sometimes when we say things, especially to our partner that they don't understand and they don't think the same way that we do and we are crushed when they can't read our minds and alreay know what we want.

Answer 8

Because if we tell a guy why we're upset he attempts to 'fix it' with some practical solution and then he dismisses the matter and expects us to do the same.
We don't like that. We want to be entitled to feel what we feel about whatever is bugging us. So we show him how we really feel but we tell him everything is fine because we don't want to give him the opportunity to 'fix it'.

Answer 9

They don't want to be fussed over, or they can't explain why they are feeling down.
I get really bad pmt sometimes and I have a go at my fiancee for no reason, then he'll ask what's wrong and I'm like, nothing, I'm fine, cos I honestly haven't got a clue what's wrong.
I'm afraid you can't win with this one mate, she wouldn't like it if you ignore it but she wouldn't like it if you keep asking either!

Answer 10

We either don't want to talk about what we're upset about (at that particular moment. . .you always need to check back!) or we're basically begging you to drop what you're doing and pay attention to us and how we're feeling.

I guess the third reason I can think of is that something's bothering us, but we realize it's stupid and need to let it go, but haven't quite cleared that hurdle yet.

I believe that most of us stop this silly behavior as we age, because we recognize that it's easier to just tell you what's up.