My girlfriend is in foster care (her parents sent her away when she was 13) and her family are all mad. They beat her, they smoke dope (yeah...the parents) and they show absolutley no love for her at all. She said I'm the only person who has ever shown that someone cares about her, but there are little things that worry me.
For example, when I'm holding her, she constantly shakes and shivers. when she wakes up next to me, she withdraws from any contact for almost 10 minutes. She always covers her face with things to stop me looking at her, and she often gets upset or angry when she sees me smiling after kissing her.
One other major thing is...she was raped when she was 10. Obviously this is shocking and sick, and all I wanna do is show her that I'm there for her. She has a huge problem with trust - un-surprisingly - and its really hard sometimes. sigh. I guess theres a lot of patience involved here, but is there anything else i can do or say to help her trust me more?
2006-06-22 00:43:56 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First of all your a very patience guy and good to know you want to be there for her. Get her some professional help like counseling, she went thru alot in her childhood and it will never go away. She been abused way to many times that it will leave her alone. But counseling will help her to try to see the future in a good way. The reason being when she shivers or shakes why you hold her is because she is scared that you may hurt her. It will take a lot for her to trust anyone and you need to give her time... may take years and years.
she been thru a lot of trauma to deal with.. all you can do is be there and get her professional help and be as calm as you can be around her... she may get mad for reasons that may look stupid or strange to us but she been thru more than any one of us has.... she has her own reasons... she is insecure of everything and she does not want to get hurt.
Just do not leave her cuz if she is starting to trust one day at a time and if you leave her, she never be able to trust another human being.
my prayers are with you and her!
2006-06-22 00:59:45 · answer #1 · answered by Pari 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It truly sounds like you are doing all the right things. You are persistant in showing love and support with all the patience even when you probably sometimes feel rejected. Theres been so much emotional trauma in this person that is is not suprising she fears the trust factor, especially with someone she cares for. It would be very wise for her to seek professional counceling because that person could help her confront and finally put behind her all the hurt, also she would not feel threated by them. It has been her loved ones that hurt her. A doctor she would recognise as a healer. She won't "love" the doctor, so the doctor cant break her heart or hurt her, and maybe then she'll trust him to help her. You are a good person, wish you both the best. God Bless. Also, Remember most victims are commonly hurt by people they love or who love them. She will eventually trust you as long as you are persistant and dont give up on her. She probably doesnt even trust herself, she might be thinking all her suffering was her fault somehow. This is why she need a professional. They know how to fix a broken spirit.
2006-06-22 01:03:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anntoinette M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok the same thing happened to me..i was raped mukltiple times...my uncle/ parents are drug addicts..there abusive too..I edcently moved to germany to be with my brother who got custody of me../here with him on an army base...an even some things he still doesnt know about..cuz i know he will get mad if i tell him an not believe me....I to have an older male friend who I can talk an tell what happened to me to...he is great...Also what you say happens to her..happens to me to...I would say for her to go to counsleing...it is helpful for most..bnut for me it easnt so I dont wanna just say that...you have to support her..an make her fell ok...she will have nightmare an will freak out but it will be ok..she is going to think that you will hurt her an she will be afraid..an of you leavin her..unforantly...i know that what to me will never go away it will just fade with time..so you have to be there for her now..hold her an make her feel safe alsodid she make charges against them?.. help her out an tell heer that you will help her with that...I know some good detectives that can help you....she just neeeds someone thats secure an will love her an not hurt her anymore
2006-06-22 00:54:18 · answer #3 · answered by samantha1989 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are already doing it, I commend you for being so understanding and patient, as long as you continue and are there for her everything will be ok, encourage her to go to therapy, it might help her work through all the problems her family and the rape has caused, being there to support her will be an immense help. Both to her and the therapist
2006-06-22 00:48:41 · answer #4 · answered by Pete 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is lucky indeed to have such a supportive boyfriend. She does need to have some therapy in order to get past her past. I would put it to her that with all that has happened to her in the past she could use some therapy, maybe offer to go with her and be present for the sessions if she desires it. Whatever you do do not abuse the trust she is putting in you.
2006-06-22 01:00:49 · answer #5 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation i cant stay near a boy and take all the attention because i was raped as well.
But i would like someone there for me. You are doing your best, she does like you. email me if you want any advice.
Claire
yellowladyflower@yahoo.co.uk
2006-06-22 00:50:13 · answer #6 · answered by yellowladyflower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I seriously felt in my heart on reading your situation.
well, show her you love her , you care for her, keep her happy.
get her flowers & gifts.... do joke with her and instil confidence in her .
always be soft with her , considering her past & family , you must make her feel that you mean only and only love to her.
help her in forgetting the past
give her a TRULY HAPPY WORLD. GOD BLESS YOU TWO.
2006-06-22 00:51:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me she may need some counseling to work out these problems all i can say is just be there for her...sounds like she needs to learn to trust you...thats a big problem is TRUST...ive been there before
2006-06-22 00:47:24 · answer #8 · answered by michelle s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to see a therapist and deal with her emotional trauma.
2006-06-22 00:56:41 · answer #9 · answered by bookfreak2day 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep loving her. Patience will reward u with unadeltereted love of ur g/frd.
2006-06-22 00:52:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋