how can i ever trust again?

Question

i was with my last boyfriend for 5 years,in which time i gave him everything.love,respect even financial support,a lot of financial support!i did everything he wanted ,because i thought i loved him and he loved me, and you do things for the person you love,right?even like sex things that i sometimes found distasteful,i did them,then one day he told me he was sick in bed and couldnt go to a party with me,i felt bad so i went over to see him,he wasnt sick,but he WAS in bed.in bed ontop of some girl!
its been a year now and i still cant get over it,i mean im over him,hes a jerk,but 5 years is a long time to be with someone,and i dont understand why he needed to get with this girl he doesnt even know why he said he just felt like it!how can i ever trust anyone not to do that to me again?i thought i knew him so well

Answer 1

He wasn't loving you, he was using you. Been there, done that.

Answer 2

When you go into a relationship you open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. That's how it is. It really is a RISK. There is no guarantee that you won't be betrayed. You can only hope. You can never dictate the actions of your partner, so the possibility of being hurt by him is there. Sometimes you'll be surprised how much you don't know a person no matter how long you've known him.

I understand that you may be jaded after all this. Investing so much to just get hurt in the end. I think the reason you cannot get over it is because your pride was hurt. How can a guy who has everything he wants in a girlfriend cheat? I believe simply because some people just don't know how to value what they have. They are just never satisfied.

It's his loss. Don't worry, you still have your pride and dignity intact 'cuz you stepped out and left him the moment you found out rather than stayed and accepted the situation.

Charge it all to experience. Don't be afraid to risk again. That's part of life. If it happens(again), pick yourself up, dust yourself, and keep on walking, don't look back.

There is a saying that if you offer a person your hand and he grabs your arm, he's not a good person, so watch out. Set reasonable limits to what you will offer/do in a relationship. If your partner demands more or forces you then that should be a warning.

Answer 3

While you go right right into a relationship you open your self up to the likelihood of getting harm. That's the way it's. It rather is a threat. There is no guarantee that you simply is not going to be betrayed. You could simplest hope. That you may beneath no situations dictate the movements of your companion, so the possibility of being harm by way of him is there. As a rule you'll be able to be equipped to be amazed how so much you do not know a person in spite of how lengthy you may have got identified him. I fully grasp that you'll be jaded subsequently this. Investing quite a bit to simply get injury therefore. I suppose the intent you are not equipped to recover from it is due to the fact that your pride was once harm. How can a person who has the whole factor he needs in a female pal cheat? I feel with no situation considering the fact that that some humans simply don't know ways to worth what they have got acquired. They are quite simply undoubtedly no longer satisfied. It is his loss. Do not fear, you still have your pleasure and dignity intact 'cuz you stepped out and left him the second you learned rather than stayed and permitted the difficulty. Rate all of it to knowledge. Do not be afraid to chance over again. That is part of existence. If it occurs(once more), pick yourself up, filth your self, and continue on jogging, do not seem once more. There is a asserting that in the event you present a man or woman your hand and he grabs your arm, he is no longer a good character, so watch out. Set low-cost limits to what you're going to reward/do in a relationship. In case your accomplice demands more or forces then you definitely definately that must be a warning.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you had to go though this... I had the same thing happen to me... but with a wife of 5 years. Same line... sick in bed... go to a family function without me!

Look... time heals all wounds... and time will help. Will you ever completely trust again? Well NO, not if you're smart... but... if you do find a like minded individual, you can start the process.

A little hint here... from an old guy... okay? If someone TRULY loves you.. they will never ASK you to do something that is distasteful to you. That right there... was a HINT. Okay?

And sorry... I really am.

Answer 5

You gave him the golden ring by having sex with him and not wanting a commitment. Sex is a beautiful part of a serious relationship that is usually best served when we wait to get married. If you let them drink from the cow, why should they buy it. It is an old metaphore, but very true. He knew that he didnt have to marry you, and just used you for what he wanted without respescting you. He is a jerk, but it is a problem that you also helped create. My best recommendation is that when you find your next boyfriend, you and he should wait until there is a wedding before introducing sex into the relationship. If he isn't willing to wait, he is showing you right of the bat that he has no respect, and will always hold you in a low position of importance in his life, and you will get hurt often.

Answer 6

trust is a very hard thing to regain, it takes time. I go in small steps, almost baby steps sometimes. Talking to people who are real friends is a good way to start, tell them stuff about how you feel. Family also is very good for this.

It will eventually get better, but I would say to spend lots of time on yourself. Learn a new hobby and find people with the same hobby, then you have some common ground to develop a relationship.

Eventually you will have to take chances. The only true way to fully trust someone is to give of yourself. You must eventually take the chance, but don't rush it. Take it nice and slow. Most people want to jump right back in, this usually leads to disaster again.

Don't quit, i'm rooting for you!

Answer 7

I know how you feel, been there done that to coin a phrase.
It sucks when you come home to find the one you are with doing that crap. I know I have had it happen to me as well. I have been single for the last 4 years now.
I just havent dated much since then. It takes time to get to a point where you are even willing to see if someone can earn your trust.
I dont trust anyone easily and then I make damn sure that if I do hook up with anyone they will have to earn my trust and not the other way around. Just take it slow and you should be ok.
I hope that you find what youare looking for and dont become as bitter as I once was. Good Luck!!!

Answer 8

that is what we get when we place too much trust on a loved one.
firstly,u gotta get tat bastard off ur mind.
its not gonna be easy but u can try new things or distract urself from him.

bear in mind that not all guys are like ur guy.
obviously,now u have not totally got over him.
i guess at that time he wanted to satisfy his sexual needs and wanted a diff.sex parther.
its nt ur fault,just be glad that u realise it before u get even more hurt.

my personal experience was tis ex who was v.horny and basically had no respect for me.i felt so ashamed and cheap.but everything has passed.
close that old memory and begin e new chapter of ur life.

Answer 9

My heart aches for you. If you feel as though you have lost your dignity don't worry we all do stupid and distasteful things for those we love because we assume they love and respect us, this is why it hurts so bad when the honour and trust aren't returned. Time always heals old wounds and you can learn to trust again I did and now i am married to him and this is after my x wanted me to share my best friends with him (sexually) when I said no he went into our bank account drew all the money and moved in with one of my closest friends AND HE-HE TO HIM TOO, SHE GAVE HIM CRABS. You are a stunning lady you look like Tara Moss. I promise there are alot of great honest men out there and we all have a life partner out there waiting for us our job is to find them all the other loosers are just speed bumps and hiccups. You'll be fine and I hope you find that special someone soon.

Answer 10

well that is almost entirely up to you unfortunately, and 5 years is a long time to be with someone and to do all you have done for this person just to have them turn around and treat you the way he did is just horrible, I know because I have had it done to me and unfortunately so have millions of others, the last girl that I was with for a long period of time screwed me over not once but twice and the whole situation still bothers me when I think about it, but I do know that I want to trust again and I want that love and the way I felt again but with a different female of course, so I guess in a sense you just need to get over your self doubt, we are always going to feel a little bit unsecure about things, to me it is a comparable feeling of driving along a road and all of a sudden you lose control of your vehicle, now you get back on the road again driving along but you still feel a little bit less confident, anyways, that's just kind of the way life is I guess, I hope you are able to trust again one day, I know that you have to want it bad enough though also, best of luck to you

Answer 11

I am so sorry to hear your story and I can only try and understand what you are going through. I myself have just finished a 5yr relationship but it did end up amicably and so it was made easier but it still is difficult. All I can say is that it is better to find out sooner rather than later with kids etc. You are obviously a better person with high morals and there are unfortunately few of us out there who can say we are faithful. I hear it so often people who cheat & it really annoys me when they brag about it. My father once said to me- Anyone can cheat but it takes a man not too. He needs to do some growing up!. There are honest guys out there just a few rotten apples which give us a bad name.