I ask because this person did a really rotten thing like wear my engagement ring after telling me that they were taking it to get cleaned for the wedding and then lost IT! I realize the engagment ring is not the important part but something tells me this is not an accident. They never liked my fiance anyhow. And this person is FAMILY no less. What do I do?
2006-06-21 23:23:09 · 15 answers · asked by aheikens 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
sorry I didn't clarify-this person is IN the wedding as in the wedding party. I will not say what side though
2006-06-21 23:47:47 · update #1
First of all, I am very sorry this happened to you. I had some drama with one of my Maids of Honor (shock!) and it was a horrible experience for me.
There are 2 suggestions I will make about handling this situation. One of them is harsh and the other more neutral, but I hope you bear with me as I explain them.
The harsh one is to tell her to not be involved in your wedding party. You could make excuses for yourself, or not, but what they did was mean, no matter what they were thinking. Even if you (put yourself in her shoes) did not like your relatives fiance, you probably would not purposely lose her engagement ring. It was a mean thing for her to do, but I would probably explain the "pros" to her. She wouldn't have to spend money on a dress, she has less stress that day, etc. If you do not want her to come at all, which is understandable, you could do a whole lot of things to avoid having her there. You could give her bad directions, wrong address, or just plain tell her that she needs to resolve her own issues before she comes to a day in which you and your to-be-husband are supposed to join in blissful marriage with the BLESSING of all those present. If she feels she cannot live up to this obligation then tough, tell her not to come.
The other option, which is the more neutral option, is to let her stay as a member of your wedding party and to not say anything about it. It is just a ring (although this ring does symbolize your love and commitment to each other) and you can get another one (to tell the truth, if I ever lost my engagement ring I'd freak out). Consider, someone has to pay for it and she should either pay for all of it or chip in or something, if she does not offer then you may be able to guilt-trip her into doing this. If you do let her stay, I would not give her any more responsibility and sit down and talk to her about how disappointed you are. At this point, I might tell her about what you *thought* you were going to do (kick her out) and how you cannot bear to do it. Make yourself out to be a gracious bride (this can go a little too far, the guilt-tripping, but it might be worth it) and tell her that you do not want to ask her not to be part of your day but you wish she would accept your fiance more.
She might open up. She might tell you about how wrong she was. She might not have lost the ring and might still have it. Maybe she is jealous. Maybe she knows something about your guy that you don't (or maybe she *thinks* she knows something but doesn't have any clue what she is talking about). You are an adult and she has to respect your decision and that is what this has to come down to.
Sometimes you love someone so much that you do crazy things to try to protect them. Maybe she thought you would think this is an omen and dump your fiance and forget about the wedding, but she is wrong. This could be a defense mechanism she's got going on in her brain to try to "protect" you but tell her that you do not need protection and she needs to back off. She should respect your decision and that is final.
If at the end of this you turn into Bridezilla, do not fret. It is not your fault. She pushed you over the edge and quite frankly, most people would do the same thing. If you leave her in, do not think it will bother you all day long. It is your day and you will be running around doing so many things (taking pictures, cutting cake, dancing, greeting people, leaving on your honeymoon) that your head will be spinning and you probably won't even think about her. Remember what you are there for and do not let bad relative blood get in the way of your happiness.
I hope it all turns out well and I would be interested to know how the situation went down. Good luck and happiness to you and your fiance.
2006-06-22 06:02:43 · answer #1 · answered by Vanessa G 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that YOU REGARD IT AS A BAD OMEN THAT HE LOST YOUR ENGAGEMENT RING!!! And that's the reason that he can't be in your wedding! I MEAN EXPLAIN HIM HOW YOU FEEL AND TELL HIM NO LESS THAN THE TRUTH! And if you want to persuade that person tell him that -for example- this incident happened to a friend of yours and after 6 months they get a divorce (tell him that lie so as to make him not to come to your wedding!).
2006-06-22 06:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by super_sexy_amazona 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your fault for handing over your engagement ring to someone. NEVER EVER DO THAT. You're not even supposed to take the ring off. Very careless on your part. You allowed all this to happen and now you have to deal with it.
2006-06-22 08:10:03 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to do this is to be brutally honest. Tell them you don't believe they lost the ring and that they are no longer welcome at all that day. You might want to consider having someone else there as a witness in case this person creates problems in the future.
2006-06-22 11:52:25 · answer #4 · answered by Patricia D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask them to replace the ring for one of exact value and style. If they refuse then say that out of respect to your soon to be husband, you would like for them not to attend to your wedding since this is a clear sign of animosity and disrespect towards your fiance. Tell them that you will carry on with your wedding plans without them and that you expect for them to be courteous enough to comply with your wishes.
2006-06-22 09:29:18 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them you are really hurt by what they did and that you feel that it was disrespectful to you and hurtful. Tell them that based on that, you would not enjoy your wedding day with them as a part of it. If you want to preserve the relationship, explain that you love them, but that you feel that they do not care about you.
What she did was unacceptable (I may not go so far as to say it was on purpose). Wow. Good luck!!
2006-06-22 06:28:04 · answer #6 · answered by Chosen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can always tell them that there has been a change in wedding plans, and that you need to eliminate a bride's maid, which is the truth. This way you get rid of her nicely.
2006-06-22 09:53:26 · answer #7 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest and tell them you have changed your mind. It is YOUR day and you will regret it if you have someone stand up with you (or him) that shouldn't be there. It's harder being a family member but what this person did a bad thing and knows it, so most people will understand.
2006-06-22 10:32:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them straight out- they are done. No wedding for them. If they start misbehaving and throwing a fit- dis-invite them to the wedding all together- you don't need a scenes...
2006-06-22 11:20:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, that sucks! That person probably SOLD your ring, not lost it. Call this person up and tell her that she is uninvited to your wedding. Easy!
2006-06-22 06:27:53 · answer #10 · answered by Evil Wordmonger, LTD LOL 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋