how can i forgive someone i really hate?

Question

i hate the one that gave birth to me. can't tell you the details why i hate her with passion because its too damn long. the thing that bothers me is that i dont think i'll be able to forgive her until i get to yell in her face and tell her the wrong things she has done to me or to our family. dont worry, im not gonna do that and that is the problem because i just can't find anyway to forgive her

Answer 1

I know it's hard but when you carry hate for someone around with you all the time, you are allowing her to control your life and impact you even more than she already has. It will take work to let go of your anger, and although you may eventually forgive, you will never forget. And from experience I know that going off on the person you hate does nothing except perpetuate more poison inside you--you feel better for a short period of time and then it comes back worse than ever. Refuse to let her actions ruin your life, and be happy despite her.

Answer 2

You will never be OK until you express how you feel to your mom. Even if you are afraid to hurt her or afraid your family will be upset with you. But if your mother loves you like she is suppose to she will understand or at least try to. Even if she freaks out when you first tell her, it will eventually sink in and she will think about it. Now this may not change anything but if you forgive the person you can live alot happier. I have a problem with my father, and I didn't say anything for a while. Finally something happened that made me decide to tell. I went to my father and told him I had no respect for him and I loved him, but would never let him put my in a predictament like that again. Even though he appologized a million times, I can forgive him, but I can say with full confidence that I will not let it happen again. I know someone who went through the same thing but they are twice my age, and they have started to constantly drink. And when they drink it is all they talk and cry about. I try to explain to them that all you have to do is confront the person (not neccesarily by being mean but just letting them know how they hurt you). Anyways I know this seems almost impossible to do but you didn't do anything wrong to have to suffer so if taking a chance on hurting your moms feelings or someone elses is all there is between you have a good life without having to worry and think about it. Then what is there to lose. Even if some of your family comes against you when you do this, they know your right and it might take a little time but in the end they will be right behind you

Answer 3

Brother, I believe the healing process would start if you would just write her a letter telling her all the things you want to get off of your chest. Don't mail it, but put it away and then take some time daily - 30 seconds or so to start - and pray that God take away the disdain you feel towards her. Once you do that for 21 days, then you need to find the book "Victory Over Sin" and look inside at the list of "I AM"s which explains who you are in Christ. If you truly wish to forgive her, then you will need to fill in her name in place of "I" once everyday. This will only take about 15 minutes. Then, you will start to feel the heaviness lifting and be able to even face her if necessary and even forgive her.

Try it with expectation. God will honor your efforts, you will see.

Answer 4

Brother....do whatever you want to do, but just keep one thing in mind...there's a thing known as "Check and Balance". Even if you believe in any religion or if you're an athiest, every rational person knows that there is a system of check and balance naturally. "Balance" is what you should be afraid of. What you sow shall you reap. If you don't respect or forgive your mother, tomorrow your son shall not respect or care for you. This is a time-tested statement. Always remember that.

When you wake up first thing in the morning, look in the mirror and say "O' Lord, develop such beautiful love for my mom in my heart, like the beauty of my face." I know this might sound weird, but this is a very effective thing.

When you show love, you gain love. Try not to get into such conversations that u know may result in disagreement or argument. Try to talk about non-sense things that may not change into an argument. Additionally, (I know this would be really hard, it was hard for me) try to kiss ur mom's hand often. This helps a lot, in warding off your inhibitions in expressing luv for ur mom and letting urself be at ease.

It would've been better if we knew if you belong to any religion or not, we could've given u a better solution.

Answer 5

write a letter and post it to a make believe address vent out all your feelings then send them on. It can be very therapeutic. Then distance your self from this person as it is not necessary to have contact with her especially as she makes you feel so negative. If there are other family members they may know the reason and it is up to them to understand why you have distanced yourself. No doubt they will have an opinion but ignore them as this is how YOU feel and how YOU react. Hate is a nasty thing it can eat you up and affect the other things in your life. You might not have had control over some of the things done to you before but now you do so the ball is in your court. Just how upset and angry you become now is up to you, you cant blame her for your anger anymore as the emotion is up to you. If things are still not right then seek counselling ASAP

Answer 6

I feel so bad for you. It is hard to forgive. But you will learn how if you allow it. Telling her off will never help. But talking to her to let her know why you are angry may help you feel better and help her understand what she has done. I am a mother too, and my 6 year old gets upset with me when I have to put him in time out, and that kills me. I wish he could understand why and the consequence to his actions. Your mom is an adult so she will under the consequences. I hope that she does and will be mature about it. If she is not then at least you tried. But remember people do things that are hurtful to people they love and don't realize it because of their pain. Find out what is going on with her...and that may help with forgiveness.

Answer 7

You may not be able to ever let go and forgive. You can only try every day. You can also forgive someone but never let go of the pain that had been caused in your life. Do your best not to dwell on the situation as horrible as it may be. Parents are not gods you know. They are people just like you and I, and we all make mistakes. Try to remember that when you see them. That she messed up just like any other human being. Last ditch effort to relieve pain that someone may have caused you is try to space your self away from them. When you keep picking at a scare, it never heals.

Answer 8

She gave you life. If she didn't exist you wouldn't exist. If you can't find a way to forgive her, then there is either something seriously wrong with her or you. The best thing to do is to just walk away. Maybe come back in a few years and maybe things can be better.

Answer 9

I have people that I have had a very hard time forgiving. I wanted to mostly because I thought it was the healthiest thing for me to do for myself - not because I wanted to make nice-nice with them. I couldn't think about anything else and it was totally eating me up inside. I asked many people what to do and they all said the same thing "you need to release the anger" - yes, but how?

The only thing that I found that worked was to visualize them happy - really see them in your mind, smiling and laughing. This worked well for me - after doing it a couple times a day for about 3 days I was feeling a lot better.

Now for you, I would imagine that this sounds ludicrous. For you, because you are so obviously angry and really want to let her have it - I suggest that you first visualize her, but this time see yourself letting fly your emotions on her. See your eyes bug out of your head and the spit flying as you really pour out all that negative emotion - and see her reacting to it. See her very clearly in your mind, reacting to this as you want her to. Some say you can even go so far as to truly see the object of your hate suffer as you feel they deserve to in you mind.

This technique is not healthy for you to do more than once - but the one time can satisfy your need for revenge in a safe way. Once you have done that, try the happy one with her image - and don't forget to visualize yourself happy also before you end a session like this. If you need to interact with her, you might want to try to visualize you two together and getting along, also.

Remember - the more vividly you can visualize, the more helpful it will be.

Peace!

Answer 10

Try writing down all you want to yell at her. Write until you get out of words and ink. I bet you will cry while writing, but believe me, after doing that for a few hours, days or even weeks, you will feel reconcile with her and with yourself. More than forgiving her, forgive yourself for feeling so awful. Good luck