Please help me resolve an issue w/my mother?

Question

I have a 15 yr old son (my only mother's only grandson), I too am am an only child. My mother suffers from depression, and we stayed w/her for 2 days. I came home from work(2nd shift). And my mom askes where my son was. I told her he was probably at a friend's house (which he was.). She complained that he didn't wash 4 dishes in the sink, didn't leave a note (but did leave a message on the answering machine), and he didn't take her dog's out. I went and picked up my son and she started yelling at him calling him naes (lazy mfr). All he said was "yeah right", and she called the police on him for being disrespectful. Can you believe it? I believe she had been drinking. Which I don't consider that an excuse. We're a small family of 3. She has done some childish stuff, but nothing this bizarre! She takes off w/her b.f. on a sat. around noon, and doesn't get bcak til' around 10 or11 at night. My son had let the dogs out b-4 he went to his friends. Where's the responsibility lie here????

My mother is on meds for her depression,and is counseled.

Answer 1

You have a very tight knit family circle where all three of you enjoy being the only one...and yet you manage to live together...

The "queen" gets to go out with a boyfriend...what do you get?

15 year old boys are beginning to push boundaries and experiment with all types of new behavior...he's not going to tolerate grandma making up stories and calling the police for too much longer.

it sounds like he does have chores...and he does recognize that there are expectations of him...maybe just sitting down and going over those things and being clear about the expectations will help.

It might help him feel more responsible if the three of you divide the chores as adults...naturally leaving him with the easier stuff...so he still has the opportunity to be a boy growing into manhood...but helping him feel like a "contributor" to household activities.

And I think your mom needs to understand that boys are very different from girls as far as development....calling the police for a disrespectful comment will no longer hold any power ... it's been done with no great consequence.

Consequences that matter are things like the loss of priveledges: tv, computer, going out with friends, music, free time.

Dishes in the sink?
...if you can find a way to make a boy do dishes before he goes out...please share it with me...my nightly task is washing through the pile just to find the dish scrubber at the bottom.

good luck to the three of you

Answer 2

Wow, this is quite a difficult situation you're in!

It seems to me that your mom doesnt like your son for some reason. Maybe your mom is jealous of you and your sons relationship? You also say that your mom suffers from depression so this could also result as to why she is doing this but still she shouldn't have to call the police on your son! Your mom needs help from a professional. Her drinking wont help her depression and will only make it worse. I think you should move out to your own house and visit your mom regularly. Dont sleep over. You should also be there for your son when it comes to your mom because im sure he must have all sorts of feelings and hurt from what your mom has done to him. Also try speaking to your mom about the way she treats him and try sort the problems out. If your mom still finds some way to treat him badly then you're going to have to threated your mom that she will never see you again if she cant respect and love your son like a normal granny would do.

Try get your mom to see a therapist to help out too.

Answer 3

I am sure you love your Mother, but even Moms need some tough love. Your son is your priority here. You are being pulled in to many directions as well. Mom has a bf. Let her find the support she needs with him for a while, and you and your son stay home. Do some things together, take a vacation without your Mom. Time will bring her around, or else you will have to limit your interaction with her. Good Luck. You are the responsible adult here. Buck up girl.

Answer 4

I think you first conversation needs to be with your son. Let him know that you think your mom has a problem and at this time a little patience and understanding is need fron the both of you.It may be hard but if you love your mom it shouldnt be impossible. Now if you mom is suffering with depression and an alchohol addiction you need to get as much information as you can that will allow you to help her get treatment.I dont think playing the blame game is really the most positive or productive thing your family should do at this moment. " what would it accomplish" nothing it would only cause more hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
so get help for your mom.

Answer 5

Well it sounds to me like your MOTHER needs to take responsibility for her OWN dogs!And if you gave your son permission to be at his friends home or where ever they went to hang out together she should not interfere with that.filling a sink to wash 4 dishes is a waste of water,soap,time and energy not just human energy either.And since he left a message on the answering machine i do not see where she had a problem.as far as the name calling that is child abuse,makes a kid feel worthless and no child should ever be made to feel worthless.sounds to me like she could use some alcohol counseling.If you are living in with her move out asap.don't let your son go through the horrors of living with an alcoholic.also there is a group for adult children of alcoholic parent/s plus alanon to help you all deal with the alcoholism.i would not suggest alcoholism but for the fact you said she was drinking and out of control.

Answer 6

Why is it your son's job to take care of your mom's dogs? It sure doesn't sound like she's physically handicapped. He is your son and responsibility, not your mother's, unles she is caring for him while you work. It sounds like your son is doing a good job at his chores. Maybe he forgot about the dishes. You could write a list of "things to do" for him that he can check off as he gets them done so he knows and you know he did them.

Also, if your is suffering from depression, alcohol is a BIG no-no....but the depression also could make it seem as if she is out of control, like being drunk.

As far as her going out with her b/f...she's an adult unless you had asked her to take care of your son during the time she went out.

Answer 7

I have suffered from depression on and off for years. It can play havoc with a persons moods and the way they relate to others, you must try and sit down with your mum and explain her behaviour to her and the effect it is having on you and your son, Is she in counselling and taking her tablets? Is she taking care of herself, alcohol does fuel depression causing people to act even more out of charecter (my mothe in law drinks and has depression) Talk to your son about the issues she is havng and see if there is anyway to make your life a bit easier, make sure you treat her the way she treats your son about leaving and not leaving a note to say where he is gone and make sure she takes responsabilities for her animals after all they are hers and not yoru sons.

Answer 8

Hello, she is the Mother, Grandmother. You mentions her maybe being depressed. Even so she needs to get help. And you should not allow her to be verbally abusive toward your son or to you. You need to put your foot down and tell her that she can have her opiton but that she will not be verbally abusive to you or your son. And that if she needs help with her dogs, the house what ever then she needs to discuss it with the two of you. You need to make sure that your son is showing her respect and trying to help out.

Answer 9

Well let me just say that my father-in-law is like this with my hubby i tell him to ignore his dad and tell him to f off. That is verbal abuse and i would say that unless the mother/grandmother gets some help i wouldnt let my son anywhere near her when he is alone you cant let this go on its not the way for a child to live. And trust me the more they think someone thinks they do things that they dont it will only provoke them to do it. I have been there done that my gma is 90 so we just kinda ignore her and let things go but i dont let my father-in-law anywhere near my son when he is in a pissy mood. He has problems too and my son is too little for him to be griping at like he is a grown up. It messed my hubby up so i try to keep him at a distance when it comes to my kids.

Answer 10

Your responsibility is with your son, Don't let her get to him. Make him feel he is number 1. That you will support him. Stay away for some time till things cool down. Don't let him visit until she feels better. Make sure she is getting treatment for her depression, if she needs help with her pets, pay a teenager around the neighborhood to walk them that may ease her burden. Things are going to get better, Have Faith!!