How do you teach a 4 year old anger management?

Question

At times, she becomes extremely angry when denied her way or she doesn't get something she wants. At other times, she is very sweet. When she is angry, she will yell, scream, and kick. Several times she has hit her mother and even tried to choke her mother. Spankings have not helped this matter, and there is no reasoning with her when she is out of control. When she is calm, she understands that she needs to obey, but she doesn't really seem sorry for her actions. Her parents do not give in to her when she acts this way, but it is very hurtful for them. Any ideas?

Answer 1

i was maybe not THAT extreme when i was young, but i can remember i would make a huge fuss if i didnt get my way. my parents though, remained tough, not giving into my bad behavior which was extremely important. i look back now and i cant be more grateful that they did that because it taught me to be who i am now, and to appreciate that you cant have everything you want when you want it. i would suggest sending her to think by herself when she gets out of control, for instance, sending her to her room, time out chair or some other method of leaving her to think about what she has done. she may not appreciate the repremanding now, nor anytime soon, because i didnt appreciate the punishments until years later. gradually, when she learns that making a big scream and fuss wont get what she wants, she will cease to do it. this is the best advice that i can give you and i believe if done, everything will work out fine. may sound like kind of strange advice coming from an 18 year old, but i am just telling you what my parents did and how i feel about it.

Answer 2

4 Year Old Anger Management

Answer 3

He needs a consistent routine, and he needs his parents to be there. Even if it's for some quality time on the weekends, he needs to have a set time where he knows he has your undivided attention. When he starts to throw a fit walk away and tell him he's got a warning. Say nothing else. If he continues, put him in timeout and ignore him saying he's sorry. It's a time out--he should be upset. Crying is normal in time out. Set the timer for 4 minutes and walk away. Ignore him when he says things that bother you--he knows they bother you and that's why he says them. The 4 minutes don't start until he's quiet. It may take an hour to get him to calm down the first few times. When he knows you mean business, he'll learn to shape up quickly. He also needs consistent childcare. If he's with a different family member each day and not in his own house and the routine is different every day, he's reacting to it. I'd see if a family member can come watch him at your house or suck it up and hire a sitter so he's got daily stability and is in his own environment.

Answer 4

First of all, spankings should be used for rebellion towards authority (not for yelling in the house or calling a brother a name).
A 4 year old has limited reasoning skills - and practically none when they're in the midst of a tantrum.
The first step is to deescalate the tantrum. Put her in a time out space (it could be her room, the bottom of the stairs, the rug in the kitchen, etc.) The location doesn't matter, the action does. This could also be done in a grocery store or at a friend's house.
She needs to sit in time out until she has calmed down. Once she's calm, tell her she has 4 minutes of time out (one minute per year). It's important to start her timeout when she's calm so she's aware of it.
During the calming down stage, don't talk to her, don't try to reason, don't coddle, don't hug, don't give in. If she is screaming, ignore her. If she tries to get up, just pick her up and put her back down. Don't spank, don't talk to her, etc.
After her time out, it's important to then explain what she did wrong (ie she kicked her mom) and what she can do next time (stomp her feet in frustration). Then, have her apologize, hug, and forget the incident.
This will take time to see an improved behavior. Frequently, the behavior gets worse before improving. Don't give up!

Answer 5

when it comes to hadling misbehavior ,we often revert to tactics that our own family used with us , but there's a host of other effective techniques from which to choose to help your child improve behavior .You can help a child gain self-control and maintain self-esteem. Discover which of these ideas works best for your child,your situation and your day.

LOOK AWAY by ignoring smail misbehaviors, you can avoid giving negative attention that kids sometimes seek, and you'll be less likely to get stuck in endless criticism of minor habits(whining,pouting,dawdling,swearing,bichering with siblings) turning a blind eye is most effective when you couple it with plenty of positive attention for behavior yu want to encourage. For example, you might compliment your child by saying,' I like to hear your normal voice' ,when she asks for something without whining.

GIVE FAIR WARNING For preschoolers (3-5years old)who are just learning behavior rules,it's best to give a remider of the rule before you enforce the penalty. Infact, a well timed reminder can avoid trouble altogether . Warnings involve specific consequences that you must be prepared to use if the behavior you intend to fulfill, even if they're inconvenient : ' If you unbuckle your seat belt again, we're going back home '.

REPRIMAND THE RIGHT WAY Many times the only thing you need to do to redirect the child's behavior is to give a proper scolding.Avoid shaming your child or making comments that will decrease self-esteem. Instead give a brief command to stop the undesirable behavior.(' Stop biting ') , and then offer an explanation (' biting hurts ').Repeat the comsequences of the misbehavior. ( 'If you bite, you'll have to go to your room' ). Provide another way of acting ('Use words to tell people when you're angry ' ). Be sure end an a positive note, with a hug, smile or compliment (' You're a great listener' )

LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY Allowing the child to learn from the consequences of behavior in matters of small importance can be very instructive, espacially if the child is older than 3 and understands cause and effect. (' If you don't eat your lunch, we can't go to the park to play ' ) These lessons are particularly useful because they come from experience rather than you.

TAKE A WAY TREAT Temporarity taking away something a child values teaches her that if she breaks a rule, she must pay for it with something she likes. It's a good idea to figure out ahead what make sense for common misbehaviors ; that way you will avoid excessive penalties in a fit of anger

INSIST ON PAYBACKS When something the child has done causes another person to suffer-whether hurt feelings or property damage-it is up to you to require her to make amends, which could be anything from apologizing for a rude remark to replacing a friend's toy. It teaches kids about the rights and feelings of others and about taking responsibility for their own harmful actions

CALL A TIME OUT When all esle fails, this short social isolation helps a child regain self - control. It works best when you enforce it immidiately. Use a timer, which is impersonal, to monitor the minutes.Don't treat the time - out as a punishment, but as a compassionate means to help the child discipline.

Answer 6

First off great that they do not give in, you should never give in, that leads to more temper tantrums. Consistency is very important.

Secondly they need to role model the same behavior they want from their daughter, do they tend to be dramatic when they fight, or get upset , maybe she is imitating someone. If not check out what cartoons and tv, movies she is watching, maybe the behavior is being fueled by a character there. or if she is in school/daycare maybe it is a behavior she sees work for someone else there.

Thirdly if she is physically attacking them when she is upset they need to put here in a safe place (her room maybe, take her toys out of there first) and leave her be until she calms down, do not try to discuss the behavior when she is upset it is a waste of breath, after she calms down explain to her what she did wrong, why it is wrong and suggest things to her that can help her divert herself before she becomes that angry (counting ot 10, deep breaths, shout out the alphabet jump up and down singing her favorite song whatever works for her) I also suggest if she is really out of control and seems to not realize how out of control she is, shock her (i dont mean electrical way) videotape her and let her see how she acts maybe it will be a reality check for her.

Fourthly I would suggest talking to her doctor, or a child therapist, maybe there is somethng bigger behind the behavior (fear, abuse, depression {yes kids get depressed too}) sometimes jsut need a fresh look from a fresh perspective

Lastly I suggest that they provide a lot of choices for her, at her age control is what she wants, sometimes saying no to often leads to this kind of behavior - provide choices - ask her what cereal she wants corn flakes or cheerios, ask her fif she wants to wear the pink boots or the blue ones - might help divert the behavior if instead of just a no she gets - no you cant watch x-men its an adult movie but you can watch (insert choices here)

Answer 7

i'm not a parent yet but am thinking about it so this is very interesting to me. perhaps they can check out some of those Nanny books i've seen in the bookstores. also, check out some books on the child's astrology to see what her challenges in life are. another book is 5 Love Languages for Children by Chapman. by no means am knowledgeable about this but maybe these tools could help. DO NOT listen to that timeout crap. i don't encourage physical abuse, although appropriate if safety is an issue, but timeout? PLZ. Good luck.

Answer 8

First of all I don't think hitting/spanking is the answer. I have three kids and I have spanked all of them at one time or another and I can tell you that it doesn't work as far as getting kids to change their behavior. In particular with a kid who is violent.....think about it. How in the world could hitting help a kid understand the concept of not being violent and controlling anger? I think the child needs help with using her words. She needs someone to coach her through how to handle herself when she begins to escalate. Someone who knows her well can do this. When she is getting upset and is starting to get angry she needs someone to guide her behavior. She is young enough that this could work. For example when she is getting upset say,......." You're angry now, but that's okay. Try to take a deep breath. I know when we couldn't buy the toy that you wanted that you became angry with me. You're upset that you couldn't have it but that's okay. I remember when I couldn't have a toy that I got mad too. I said to my mom, "Mom, I am really sad and mad that I couldn't have dollie that I wanted. I am so mad." And then my mom said, Well, It's very hard for me to be able to buy everything because I don't have a lot of money, plus it isn't good for little girls to get everything they want." I bet that you feel upset now just like I did when I was little and I couldn't have my way. I can understand that. Let's try and talk about it together and I'll help you. Okay?"


If you can model to the girl how to communicate and express her feelings, I think it will help her with managing her anger and dhe'll bemuch happier. I hope this helps.

Answer 9

She needs consistent discipline. Children want and need boundaries, it helps to make them feel secure. There needs to be consequences for her actions. Spanking is not usually effective. I have found that you need to know what the child values and then deny her that as a consequence. It may be a favorite TV show or a play date. Consistency and follow through are crucial.

Answer 10

Time outs