Mental disorder? history of substance abuse?

Question

appreciate any info on the possible origin of my behavior patterns. I have a history of cronic meth abuse, been clean 10 months, I've been raped, bulemic, involved in extreme trauma - I exp. psycosis induced by meth , I was drugged with PCP just before I entered psyc ward and rehab, very dillusional - I am now clean, holding down a good job, visiting with my daughter supervised, this is somewhat depressing but I accept it and know that staying clean is most important, Im blessed, I often experience flashbacks, dreams, ntense obsession with unanswered questions worry/fear, almost paranoia revolving around an very traumatic event of Sept. 05, I believe to have been 80% reality and 20% dillusional/intensified due to drugs, horrifying fears and thoughts, find myself abnormally engrossed in researching mental illnesses,occult crime (fearing that I was a victim of ) I don't think that im a psyco, Im doing so well too...just very impulsive and miserably scared, diagn. w/ADD now, on adderall

Answer 1

I don't have any idea, but I would encourage you to seek professional help, and if you already are, keep going. Good luck, and I will pray for you, stay clean OK

Answer 2

It is good, you are on the right track trying to research answers as to what is happening to you mentally.

I admire your courage to clean up after going through so much.

I am not a professional in mental health, but have you considered undergoing hypnosis? That may be a scary idea-I don't know you and how you would feel about such a thing. It just seems like there is layers and layers of trauma and "stuff" that needs to be looked at; and I can't imagine sitting with some counselor merely talking for an hour week after week.

I wish you the absolute best. I hope you get to the bottom of it and can cope better in the time ahead- and please, stay clean.

Answer 3

God bless you. Congratulations on being clean for 10 months. You're making great strides in your recovery.

Someone very close to me can say she's going through the exact same thing.... in and out of rehabs, psychiatric wards.... can't sleep; she twitches... has nightmares -- all due to years of meth use. She's got scars all over her little body, it's very sad.

What exactly is your question? Wondering if you have a mental disorder? What does your doctor/psychiatrist/therapist think? This same friend of mine was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which the doctor explained was something like she wasn't always able to differentiate reality vs. delusions... but that it wasn't as serious as it sounded, as it wasn't all the time, or for very long. Also diagnosed with drug-induced schizophrenia -- but I don't know if she will suffer with that for the rest of her life, or if she lays off the drugs, it will go away. She already was diagnosed at a young age with depression. Wish I had more answers.

Good luck in your journey to sobriety. You're doing the right thing.

Answer 4

Hope Rising, Kim Meeder The Overachievers, Alexandra Robbins The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth, Alexandra Robbins When Invisible Children Sing, Chi-Cheng Huang

Answer 5

I myself have has a life unlike yours, I could write 127 Lifetime Network movies with most of my experiences. You are on the right track with getting clean, holding a job, and strengthening your relationship with your child. You have alot of scars and only time will heal them. 10 months is not a long time, things will get better. Take all of that energy you are using to try to unearth the nagative and do something more positive with it. Think back on fun productive things you wanted and liked to do when you were younger and persue one or two.

Just be creative and positive. Stop searching for an answer and produce your own solution! I wish you the best of luck in your persent and future.

Answer 6

"Congrats on you 10 months!"
That's wonderful... keep up the good work!
I'm not sure why your having the problems, maybe they a side effect and your body is still going through some changes(?). Or maybe you have a problem with anxiety (that would be my guess). You should probably ask a professional, if it's anxiety there have medication that works wonders for this! :)

Answer 7

Keywords: "almost paranoia revolving around an very traumatic event of Sept. 05"

Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is what I"m thinking.

Symptoms very similar to ADD...ask for a 2nd opinion.

Answer 8

Try meditation. Remember, you are not your mind. You are your soul. A guy on Oprah was in 2 car crashes that disabled him and he overcame it both times againt the doctors predications. He said he kept saying 'I am not my body. I am not my body...' and keep going not looking at the can'ts... So remember, you are not your mind. It may not be working for you right now, but you are not your mind. Meditate, do some yoga and go beyond your mind. Centering yourself gets easier with time...

Answer 9

Get into counseling with a mental health professional. Some of the stuff may never entirely go away, but you will gain knowledge how to deal with it.

Answer 10

It sounds like you have post tramatic stress disorder, plus maybe a few more. I would suggest you talk to a professional psychiatrist to help you through this, as I am not one, and this is only a guess.