What would you do? Stay in a boring marriage forever with 2 kids or move on to something/someone else?

Question

Is it all about you or the kids?

Hypothetical Question

Answer 1

I would never have a boring marriage, because I know that I am responsible for my own happiness. I would work, get support, and make whatever changes I needed to make in myself to be happy.

I can't imagine ever being happy at the cost of my children. Just keep working to build a happy marriage and family. It's hard work but WAY worth it!

Answer 2

It is not ALL about YOU nor the KIDS. These are some of my thoughts about your hypothetical question.

1) Boredom happens. Life and work has a lot of boring activities. You have to wake up, make breakfast, prepare the kids, drive them to school.... sometimes you go out for a special dinner, a weekend trip or something that breaks this routine. Work is no different. As much as you like your job, there will always be an amount of boring stuff to do.

Of course some people get to do more interesting and exciting things and less of the boring, but it is still, largely, your attitude that will make them boring or not.

That is not to say that a couple with kids, particullarly if both work long hours, can't easily fall in a trap in which they never spend time as a couple. There are some things that can be done. Even if it sounds artificial, set one or two nights in the week for you two. Go out with your partner for dinner, a movie or anything you like. When you get home, f u c k.

2) Boredom does not mean that there aren't feelings there. It is easy to feel excitment with a new fling or affair, however this excitement will eventually fade and you might end up feeling bored.

I heard a theory once, that people (adults) get deeply infatuated every four years or so as a way to guarantee some diversity of the offsprings in a communal society (as you would have in the African savanah). At the age of four, the couples would split and the kids would be taken care by the group. Our society is not structured that ways and youngs require a lot more than four years to stand on there own. Sticking together for so long may not be "natural".

3) It's common to here that the best for the kids is that their parents are happy. I think that is just to simplistic. Even if the couple is not deeply in love, they can live in a friendly and loving environment that is healthy for the kids. (And would it be best for the kids if their parents lived in a permanent infatuation with each other?) That is surely better than if one of the parents walks away or if the one that keeps the kids ends up with an abusive or child mollesting partner.

4) There are no right or wrong answers, but the kids' interests, especially if they are young, must be weighted in.

Answer 3

If the marriage is hopeless or abusive, then get out. If there's a chance, then do everything you can to help the situation. You got married for a reason, think about what changed. Communication is EVERYTHING in any healthy relationship.

But don't ever stay just for the kids, or "just until they graduate". How jaded will they feel if, on their 18th birthday they discover their parents will be divorced and their childhood happiness was a sham?

I believe marriage is absolutely until "death do you part", unless the situation is verbally, mentally, or physically abusive. If it gets boring or you figure out you're not right for each other, well, you should have waited longer before marriage to figure that out before tying the knot. You should never go into a marriage thinking "well, if it doesn't work, I can get out". It's a partnership, not a temporary entertainment.

My parents divorced when I was 11, but that was because my father was a sick man who cheated on my mother with young women. The mental and verbal abuse only added to the situation. My fiancee's parents are still together, celebrating 30 years next April, and the wife has suffered from a siezure a few years ago that left her a little addled and OCD. The husband has always been faithful and loving, though their marriage has changed since that event. It's inspiring.

I feel very stongly about the commitment of marriage, espicially in today's society, where a couple can live together first, to test-drive, so to speak. Why get married if you don't know for sure? Then you're stuck for life!

Answer 4

I have the SAME problem!! My husband is not only boring as hell but also we don't communicate at all. If you are having this problem I do understand. As the question to move on to something/someone else, I've been tempted and really thought about it and had many offers to move on, but I do love and respect my husband, I mean I did choose him and I said I would stick with him for better or worse and since we do have two young kids together I don't want to mess up there lives. They love there dad and I'm not going to be selfish and break up a family. I just know that after my kids leave and I still feel the same way then yes I probably would move on then. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

If you are bored in your marriage, don't wait for someone else to fix it. Add some spice to your relationship.

You will be bored if you just sit and think you're bored. You have to take the responsiblity for your own feelings. Maybe your partner is feeling the boredom too.

Set aside at least one night per month, one a week would be better, for date night. Plan something special and start your day by planning for your date. Plan your wardrobe, your makeup and how you're going to do your hair. Just remember how it was when you were dating an be like that.

The kids are great but you have to take some time for yourself and your husband as well.

Do something special for your husband and without even asking, he will probably start doing special things for you. When you pass him in a hall or even the kitchen, reach out and give him a nice kiss and a hug. Kiss him good morning and good night. Ask him how his day was and how he slept last night.

We have been married for 33 years and we still do those things. I work and my husband stays home now. He does most of the routine house work and cooking. I cook and bake on my days off and I do special baking for him.

He brings me lunch and has coffee with me everyday and I can honestly say I'm never bored with him.

Never mind looking for someone new he might be even more boring than your husband. The only good reasons for leaving a marriage is if he abuses you or he cheats on you.

Marriage is not always easy, it takes a lot of work but if you put your partner first he will put you first. No one can make you happy but you, but if you focus on trying to make someone else happy, you will be the winner because you will be happy.

Good Luck, hope it all works out for you and your family.

Answer 6

It's about both you & the kids. You can't be a great mother if your not happy. And you shouldn't stay with a man just because of a child. I tried that and it didn't work, my kids were happier after I left. But this all depends on your situation, mine was bad... he was abusive. If this man is a great father then your kids may be better off staying there. The age of the kids are important too. Are they old enough to understand your not happy? If they aren't they'll just be confused & hurt. In that case wait till they are older. But if this person is abusive or anything like mine was get out! Maybe try writing down some pro's & con's about how this will affect your kids and you. Sometimes we are so busy thinking with our heart we don't use our heads.

Answer 7

I would stay and find your own life interests in the relationships that you already have.

It could be that you need to find a job (or train for a more interesting one) or a hobby and make new friends.

A marriage can be spiced up - perhaps revisiting the key points in your relationship as to what drew you to each other in the first place and rekindling that can be more exciting than finding a 'new' man who may not be any better or nicer than what you have at the moment plus putting your kids through a home breakup too.

why not talk to your spouse and find out how they can work with you in spicing things up?

most marriages go through a 'down time' but after that if you work through it comes a 'golden time' where you know each other well and the trust is there and deeper than before (most grandparents have it if you watch carefully)

there are probably people out there who would give their eye teeth for the stability that you have with kids and a relationship - is it worth throwing away? or is it worth saving with a few changes that you can agree on together?

Answer 8

Life changes constantly and so does marriage. Just because it is boring now does not mean that it will be boring forever. Also, both spouses must WORK on the marriage. Marriage is WORK. When both spouses work together, the marriage stays intact. When kids are involved, it is important that both spouses work harder to keep it going. Marriage is not always fun, but it is great when you make it through the tough times and you still love each other.

Answer 9

Well lets just say i am in this situation myself boring marriage two kids now i for one have about had it with my husband so i am planing on leaving him but if in this situation i really wanted to work things out i would try to get some help. My husband is a reall ***hole and chose his ex con brother who never does anything for him over me thats when i decided to get rid of him and i didnt need to be treated like that anymore. I just have a be careful with the kids because mine are still really little baby is only 9 months. So this is my only conser about the whole break up. Kids are an important part of it i am going to do this for the both of us the kids and myself. The kids wont grow up very well if there parents dont get along.

Answer 10

"It takes two to tango." Each partner is expected to participate fully. Marriage doesn't just "happen" to us. We've got to make marriage happen. If one partner is not giving 100%, then take a long trip somewhere and rediscover each other. It's not all about the one parent, it's all about the whole family. A family unit is cohesive, or not. If there is a problem with one person, then it is a problem of the family as a whole. Likewise, if Daddy is an alcoholic, then everyone is exposed to the model of alcoholism. Life is about relating to each other, whether it be your neighbor, your uncle, or your hairdresser. "Boring" is an excuse, because whether you like your husband or not, you may run in to his or her archetype again some where down the line. My answer, is to take action, hypothetically.

Answer 11

I would stay. There are worse things than "boredom", especially since that is easily remedied. And although the kids should not be the deciding factor, if you know there is the possibility of happiness (as long as you make an effort) there is the possibility that your little family of four can be much more satisfying than you and some person you have no history with or even real interest in.