I Want Kids But She Doesn't?

Question

I've been going out with this girl now for3 months, Im not trying to move on to fast but I just know what I want and look ahead at things.Many say that Im still young, but I feel like Im 3 years older than may age, I guess its just how I grew up,fast. I'm 27 and shes 23 and she has a baby girl (1 yr. old) We both feel strongly for each other and thats why Im happy to except her baby as part of the package. Thing is, she says that she doesnt want anymore kids and she sounds pretty sure of it and it bothers me a little every time she mentions it. Me on the other hand feels like Im getting older and would one day like to have a family, at least 1 kid. Everything Im doing now in my life is in preperation for this dream (Financialy, Emotionally, Etc.) Im really looking forward to being the father that I never had. Shes still young as well as our relationship but I dont know if I should hold out and wait to see if she would love me enough one day to have a family with me. Opinions Please.

Answer 1

If you want children one day, you really should find someone who also wants to have children. This is an important time for you, because you could be getting attached to someone who may never be able to give you a child of your own. She is young and her choices about a child may change... but this is a problem that will follow you throughout your entire relationship/marriage. I think you need to talk to her seriously about this. It's only been three months...

Answer 2

You are moving fast. It's only been three months and a child is a permanent reminder of a relationship that may or may not last. If you are looking to have a child of your own, then perhaps it has nothing to do with the woman you're with - you just want what you want. Three months is certainly not enough time to figure whether you want to be with this woman forever - or do you just want a kid and that's it? I don't know of too many women who vie to just want to be introduced as "my baby's mama" -- without marriage. I would suggest you slow down or re-examine why you feel at 27 you are old enough to take such a huge responsibility on that will be dominate your every waking moment 247/365 days a week for the next 18 to 20 years. I would suggest thinking VERY CAREFULLY about what your true motives are before putting an innocent child in the middle of all this. IN the meantime, there's a perfectly good child who is looking for a stable adult in their life and you are seemingly lukewarm about this child--possibly because it's not "yours" genetically. I say get over it and enjoy your time getting to know this woman and her child -- and see it as a test as to whether you have what it takes to be a real man and father and husband. Anybody can make a baby and be a father but it takes a real man to be a father.

Answer 3

I am so glad you two took the time to discuss this issue before getting married. And you are lucky that she was honest with you. Now you need to get out of this relastionship and find someone who is looking for the things that you are looking for. If you don't and she still doesn't want more children then it is not her fault that you never have a heir of your own (I mean she did tell you up front). Also this does not mean she doesn't love you. She may have had a hard birth or to much drama from her daughter's father or whatever. You will need to talk to her to find out why. But she has her choice and do do you. So don't settle just because you are in your comfront zone with this lady and are too lazy to start over. Good Luck to you!

Answer 4

This is a tough road for you to be traveling. I understand her feelings but on the other hand there is nothing in this world more rewarding that having your own kids. My daughter was 7 when my husband and I met. He loved her like his own from day one. Two years after we married we had a son. My husband cut his sons cord when he was born and slept on the hospital floor for three nights because he wanted to be there with me when the nurse brought our son to the room for feedings during the night. I love my husband for excepting my daughter as his but the love I saw in his eyes when he first heard his son cry could not be measured. Question is, does she love you enough to bare your child or do you love her enough to except the fact that being a step father is just as good. I wouldn't consider marriage until you get this situation in hand. What do you want for your family years down the line. The sad thing is...your family line stops with you unless you have a child to carry on...grrr. I'll stop now. This hits home for me. I couldn't imagine not having my other three kids and having only the one I came into this marriage with. All four are a gift to me and my husband. Good luck hun. Follow your heart.

Answer 5

With this limited information it is hard to make an accurate assessment. It could be that she has really been overwhelmed by having a child so young and perhaps having to take care of her on her own.Three months is not that long of a time and she may need more time to be sure of you and your intentions,What does she say her reasons are for not wanting more children? Being a single parent is very challenging, especially when you are young. I would say, continue to express your desires and give her more time. Since you are so mature for your age this should be easy!Good luck and God bless!

Answer 6

I'll ask you this: do you love this woman enough to stay with her even if she doesn't want kids?

If you love her enough, then stay with her. Yes, she is still young. She probably doesn't feel emotionally ready for another baby at the moment. She may change her mind in the future when she matures a bit (maybe around your age). But are you ready to take the risk that she may not change her mind?

If it bothers you now, it will bother you later. You may end up resenting her for this. If you really want children, you may have to find someone who is as emotionally ready as you are.

Good luck :)

Answer 7

You sound awfully young to be considering having kids if your princpal reason to have them is to "be the father you never had."

If you really want children, find someone else and settle down with her. The current gal is telling you that she doesn't want kids with you. If a wealthier, more stable guy came along, trust me, she'd want more kids.

You decide - stay or go. At the end of the day when you have kids of your own you will need more than "being the father you never had" to get through the challenges.

Answer 8

talk, talk and talk some more. Say I would like kids Why and she say I don't want kids why ? you are a father to a 1 year old girl. A father is someone who is there. Not a sperm donor
you two need to see if you both can come to the same reason why more kids should or shouldn't be part of your life

Answer 9

I applaud her for making herself clear on future children. WHY does she not want other children...that will be the key. You have only had 3 months together, not nearly enough time to learn each other. But if you cannot agree on such a big issue, and your side of the issue is so strong, you should let her know your intentions.

Answer 10

You have to relay to her feelings too, but if she won't even consider what you want you two need to have a serious talk.

She should love you enough to have at least one child with you.

Because neither one of you should have to compromise dreams because you will end up being miserable, even if you are with the woman of your dreams you will feel a sad at some point in your life.