give me alot of good jokes.the one who has the best gets 10 points?

Question

they better be good

Answer 1

Here are two great divroce letters. Read both to understand.

Dear Husband



I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and
nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore,
you don't touch me or anything; Either you're cheating or you don't love
me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone!!



P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!



Your Ex-wife



*************



Dear Ex-Wife



Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman
is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to
drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did
notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that
came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to
not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because
I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you
had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I
prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all
of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when
I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my
job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were
gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that
you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.



P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born
Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Answer 2

A woman sitting at a roadhouse in Top Springs, NT, suddenly
began to cough while eating a giant outback steak.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real
distress and two Jackaroos at the next table turned to look at her. "Can ya swalla?", asked one Jackaroo.
The woman signalled "No", desperately shaking her head.
"Can ya breathe?", asked the other.
The woman, beginning to turn blue, shook her head "No".
With that, the first Jackaroo raced over to her, lifted up the
back of her skirt, yanked down her panties, and slowly ran his tongue up and down the woman's butt crack.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the
obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.
The Jackaroo walked back over to his mate and proudly took another drink of his VB. His mate said in admiration,
"Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but I
ain't never seen nobody do it before".

:)

Answer 3

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in. "P....E....N....I....S.." His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****

Seated next to a blowhard at a United Nations dinner was an Oriental man dressed in the robes of one of the Far Eastern countries. The blowhard, attempting to make conversation, leaned over and said, "You like soupee?"
The Oriental fellow nodded his head. "You like steakee?"
The Oriental nodded again. As it turned out, the guest speaker at the dinner was our Oriental friend who got up and delivered a beautiful 50-minute address on the United Nations' definition of "encouragement to self-reliance" by underdeveloped countries of the world. The speech was flawless in Oxford English.
He returned to his place at the head of the table, sat down, and turned to his dinner partner and said, "You like speechee?"

Answer 4

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.

He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, ''That parrot repeats everything he hears.''

''That's alright,'' the man replied.

So the man bought the parrot and left the store.

As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber.

The cop hollered to his partner, ''Shoot him down, shoot him down!''

Then the parrot said, ''Shoot him down, shoot him down!''

They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen.

The man said, ''Pop it up, pop it up!''

The parrot said, ''Pop it up, pop it up!''

They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, ''Hit a big one, win a prize!''

The parrot said, ''Hit a big one, win a prize!''

Then they walked into a church and sat down.

The minister was in the middle of the sermon.

He said, ''The Lord is above us.''

The parrot said, ''Shoot him down,shoot him down!''

The minister said, ''The devil is below us.''

The parrot said, ''Pop it up, pop it up.''

Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him.

The parrot said,'' Hit a big one, win a prize!''

Answer 5

One day, a blonde, a bernett, and a redhead were camping in the woods when the blonde had to poo. So she went to the near by bush and sat to do her buisness. Later, the red head, and the bernett sees a dedad deer not so far away. So they deecides to play a trick on the blonde. After they placed the internal organs from the deer and placed it beneath the blonde's butt when she wasn't looking. Later on in the evening, they heard a scream and silence in that order. And so, they discover the blonde coming out and giggles, "Did you see...anything
...well, INTERESTING?..." So the blonde answers, "Oh, ya- I pooed so hard that my organs came out. But thanks to my fingers, I shoved it back in."

++===++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


There were three men who were trapped in a land and didn't know how to get back to shore. So a genie appeared and gave a wish for each of them. "I wish I was smart." so he swam back to shore. The second guy said, "I wish I was smarter than him." So he carved a boat and paddled to shore. The third guy said, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So he turned into a women and crossed the bridge.

Answer 6

A woman husband was on top of their house fixing the roof he slipped & fell off the house & broke his leg he told his wife 2 call 911 & she comes back & says "Honey I cant find the eleven button

Answer 7

What's the only disadvantage of eating a bald pu$$y?
Putting the diaper back on.

TGIF: Thank God It's Friday
S.H.I.T.: Sorry Honey, It's Thursday

What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A brunette.

Answer 8

Q: What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when he hits your windshield??
A: His butt!!

Q: What do you call a cow who has lost her baby?
A: De-calf-inated!!

Q: Didja hear about the cow who tried to jump over a barbed wire fence??
A: it was an udder disaster!!

Q: What do you call a punch-drunk Japanese boxer whose father suffers from diarrhea??
A: A slap-happy Jappy with a crap-happy pappy!!

Q: What starts with F and ends with UCK??
A: Firetruck!!

Answer 9

A 5th grade teacher is teaching her class about evolution and that God doesnt exist. 'Billy go outside and tell me if you can see that tree' Billy goes outside and says he can see the tree. "We can see the tree, so therefore it exists, can you see the sky?' Billy replies yes and his teacher says "We can see the sky, so we know its there and that it exists." The teacher then asks a little girl named Mary if she was right, Mary stands up and says 'No' Teacher replies "Really? how?" Mary asks Billy and the class "Class, we know the tree is there, we can see it, we know the sky it there, we can see that. But if you look at the teacher's head, can you see a brain?'

Answer 10

A Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend lying in bed replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, d!ckhead."
The man returns: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."