Love the man, hate the insecurities...Insecure about his weight and I pay for past relationships.Any hope?

Question

My boyfriend is very insecure with his body and has trust issues from past relationships. He is so insecure that he is very critical towards others and will try to put me down. He will not take off his shirt during sex due to his weight and does not have a liking for sex as I do. When we first met he did tell me that he was insecure and had a difficult time with trust, however t has been a year and he still does not trust me anymore than when we first met. I have reassured and showed him that he does not have to worry about me cheating. I do love him but cannot live with him or marry him if can't get a grip on these issues. Is there any hope or a way to communicate to him in a way that he will understand and believe in me?

Answer 1

The man needs counseling!!! NOW!!!!! The more you reassure him the more he is going to "act" insecure. I am married to one of those insecure brats and so I know. If you are smart you'll get out while the getting out is possible. If he does not agree to go to counseling and actually goes then you better hit the road. Right now you are going to be a very unhappy person if you stay with him without the counseling. I would suggest that you agree to go to counseling for yourself too and see if that encourages him. But do not go first and then wait for him to start. Start together.

You can do just so much and then the rest is up to him. It's possible that he is using this excuse to keep control of you. Every time you reassure him, he feels triumphant that he has you "begging" in a way for his love. He may not realize it consciously but that is the way it looks.

Good luck and let us know how works out.

Answer 2

Counselling and therapy may help. Dieting will help too. If that doesn't work, I'd say move on. If he doesn't show any interest in changing, only complaining about the way things are now, definitely move on.

There is no reason for him to change his behavior if you get married, but then it will be 20 times more difficult to be rid of him.