I´m 21 What can I do if my parents don´t accept my relation with a 38 years old man and just divorced?

Question

I know this man by a friend. This was 3 months ago but i didn´t like him becaue he didn´t talk that much. But he liked me. He was insisting so I told him just to be friends because i was having many problems and i will have problems with my parents because of the age. He´s also getting divorced and that will also represent a problem with my parents. I have just returned from a trip and i saw him. He was different he talked a lot and was really funny. I date him 4 days; and he really respect me; but he said things between us are almost impossible because of the age refering to my parents. What can i do, I really love him? But he doesn´t want to change his mind and he just want to be my friend?

Answer 1

*Incoming-complicated, boring ideas ahead*

From your description, I think this man is a decent man who just needs some recharge time.

Coming from a good loving family, you probably don't realize that a divorce is one of the life's most stressful events. He is probably feeling like hell now, even though he may have had a terrible time with his wife during the marriage, because a divorce is not only a permanent physical separation, but also because it's a sorting and dividing of money, property, kids and even family and friends. He is feeling something awful and lonely and he needs a good sympathetic friend who will listen to his stories and offer him some companionship. You offer that to him but because of the age difference, he is being realistic by telling you that he only wants your friendship.

He does sound like a gentleman.

However, you need to differentiate between love and pity. For girls, it's easy to feel bad about someone who's going though difficult times. It's also easy to feel good about yourself being able to be a source of comfort to him. You have to think whether your love comes from the happiness you get from consoling this man (it makes you feel like a redeeming angel)
or you love him because his existence simply makes you happy.

Another example? Just imagine that he and you start living together. He will brighten up and start mending his injured heart.
After a while, he starts going out with his buddies. His friends are 38 years old and they all talk about investing and politics and golf. Soon he will realize that when he comes hom to you, you can't offer him any conversation because at age 21, you really don't know much about what old men find so interesting. He will yearn for some more mature female company and after that, you
can imagine how that scenario is going to go. Yeah, sex is gonna be great for about a year, but great sex is only a small part of a successful marriage.

If you really love him and intend to pursue this relationship further, try to just keep it at most a sexual relationship with no promises for the future. If you want a physical relationship, you guys can enjoy the sex, but hold off the declarations of everlasting love and marriage. Your worried parents will undoubtedly think that this man is only temporarily using you for sex. If you want the sex, then let it be so.

*Incidentally, men find that sex is the fastest way to heal*

But you should keep in mind that your parents' MOST important concern is that they don't ever want to see their beautiful and loving daughter sacrifice her youth and hope and then suffer through major psychological trauma if the man deceives her with promises of a bright future together and forever when he will leave her feeling used and abused for being so young and so hopeful. Your parents would rather die than see you broken.

What I'm saying is that you can enjoy the relationship for the time being, but try not to expect too much out of this man. Until he regains his decimated self confidence and springs back into his old self again, you will not know all you think you know about him. And he's being smart about it, telling you that all he wants is friendship from you. That means, each of you are both on your own, but when one person needs kind words and support, the other helps along.

If I were you, and if I really were in love just because he exists in this world, I would just maintain the friendship. I will hope that some day, he will just tell the world to go to hell and marry me. But until then, I will respect his wishes and just be a good friend.

Good luck and remember that feelings always come and go.
Try not to shock your parents too much.

Answer 2

Slow down. You should not be too fast to fall in love. Especially with a guy that is 17 years older than you. You can date him and do the nasties but falling in love is too much. Let me guess...He say things to you that no other guy can make you feel. Worlds that touch your deepest level of emotions. Emotions that are berried deep from within. Somehow he was able to invoke that deep trance. Right? If what I am saying is true. It's not love but NLP. A method of seduction that he learned from a hypnotist. I know because I too am learning such method. When used correctly and with 'great' effort. I can just about make anyone fall in love with me. This is not confidence but a method of science that is proven to be 98% effective. Ask the guy you are dating, the 38 year old, have he heard of a person named Ross Jeffries. Watch for a flinch or some reaction.

Answer 3

If you're 21 you can do what you want - and don't need your parents seal of approval. They're right though - 38 and just getting a divorce - doesn't sound like he's a real reliable dude. He is twice your age - you should date more before you get involved with somebody like him.

Answer 4

You can't help who you fall for, but I don't like big age gaps, hell, i dont even like a 3 years differance. When he was 17 you were a year old. So it's like a 17 year old wanting to do things with a baby. But since you are 21 years old, an adult now, and old enough to make, it doesnt look too bad because tou have that title of an adult. Personally, i dont like it.

Answer 5

Just be his friend. He is thinking clearly of you and your well being, the future and the happiness of your immediate family. I suggest remaining his friend and if its meant to be for the two of you to get together one day it will happen. Although you are 21, you still have alot of life experiences ahead of you. Get out and enjoy them. After a few years, ask yourself if you still feel this way towards this man. If so, then go for it. For now, enjoy your youth.

Answer 6

Move out of your parent's house and be more than friends, with him. You only have to obey their rules, no atter how immoral the rules are, long as you live with them. But you have a job, right? Get an apt with a friend or alone.

Answer 7

A relationship between 2 people is 2 people.
Stop and think if you had to ask you parents who to date, it wouldn't be right.

Answer 8

you should accept that its his decision to make, even though u dont want to let him go, you should. and sometimes its for the better, cuz its just not in our genetics to stay with one person for the rest of our lives! we get bored too easily with just one person. and he would probably pass away b4 you (women live longer) then u would feel really miserable and sad, and that really wouldnt be a good thing. good luck, i hope u find a way to fix your predicament.

Answer 9

I AM 22 AND MY FIANCE IS 34! WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS! I AM GROWN SO MY PARENTS DON'T HAVE ANY SAY SO. I AM NOT A CHILD BUT ANYHOW THEY LIKE HIM AND HIS AGE HAS NEVER CAME UP EITHER

Answer 10

just be his friend.. you don't love him. you just like him as a friend and he's a guy.. so just relax.. be his friend, and dont mess up everything by making people uncomfortable about the relationship.