What humor can you give me to make me smile?

Question

make me laugh, I need it. Bless all.

Answer 1

A very wealthy man was dying. On his death bed he made his wife promise to bury him with all his money. After much persuasion she finally agreed....When the funeral was over the Priest came up and asked her if she really did it. She said, "Of course I did." He was astonished and asked how she could possibly do that. She said, "Oh, it was easy. I wrote him a check."

Answer 2

This will either make you smile and laugh with joy, or it will make you laugh at my faith. Either way is up to you, but you should get a laugh, or at least a smile no matter what.

Jesus loves you. He loves YOU. Even if you were the only person who ever accepted that, He still would have died on the cross for YOUR sins. He feels that way about each of us. (I am not judging your sins, by the way, for I have my own, that, thankfully, have been washed away by the cleansing blood of Jesus!)

Deny it and laugh for a moment. Accept it and laugh for joy the rest of your life.

www.upci.org

Answer 3

So this guy walks into a bar and sets this little guy playing a piano on the bar. Everyone is just amazed and the bartender asks, "Where did you get that little guy?" The guy pulls out an equally amazing genie in a bottle. "This genie gave him to me. Here, I'll let you make a wish." So the bartender thinks carefully for a moment, then takes the genie and says, "I wish for a million bucks." Suddenly, the bar is filled with ducks, quacking all over the place. "What the hell? I wished for a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS."

The guy takes his genie back, "What, you think I wished for a 14" pianist?"

Answer 4

When I went to my cousin's bridal shower they had these beautiful centerpieces. She then announced that one lucky person had a paper taped to the bottom of her chair. This would be the peson who got to take home the centerpiece. I felt under my chair and YES I felt the paper. So I began ripping at itwhile sitting in the chair. I was having a hard time geting it. So I ripped with all my might. Next thing I know I am sitting in a hole where the cushion once was. I ripped the bottom off the chair! The person sitting next to me had the paper to take home the centerpiece!
I was mortified (hope this made you smile)

Answer 5

KIDS AT SCHOOL THINK QUICKLY!......=))
>
>
> TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
> MARIA : Here it is!
> TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
> CLASS : Maria!
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
> FRANK : Because of the sign.
> TEACHER : What sign?
> FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on?
> the floor?
> JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
> GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
> TEACHER : No, that's wrong
> GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
> DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
> TEACHER : What are you talking about?
> DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
> didn't have ten years ago.
> WINNIE : Me!
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Gosh, why do you always get so dirty?
> GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
> MILLIE : I is...
> TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
> MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
> DINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day,
> same time."
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : George Washington not only chopped down his father's
> cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do
> you know why his father didn't punish him?"
> LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
> eating?
> SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly
> the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
> CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
> ________________________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
> when
> people are no longer interested?
> HAROLD : A teacher.

Answer 6

Watch the movie Caddyshack.

Answer 7

i love the way your picture looks like Howard Stern lol just kidding . trying to make ya smile

Answer 8

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. Dick Cheney walks over and says, "What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".

And Cheney says, "Really? How do you plan to pull that off?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one Blonde with big ****."

Cheney exclaimed, "A blonde with big ****? Why kill a blonde with big ****?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you he wouldn't worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

No racism meant in this joke.

Answer 9

The other day I had a blonde moment and photocopied a blank page. (Im actually brunette, but have many blonde moments.)

Answer 10

get a good drink of the nectar of the Gods.