What's a really funny joke?

Answer 1

Q:why did the man throw his clock out the window

A:to see time fly

hope you like it

Answer 2

An aircraft company was making prototypes of a new jet that would travel twice as fast as the Concorde on half as much jet fuel. They sent their best test pilot up to demonstrate the plane for Federal Aviation Authority approval, but the wings came off and the plane crashed and the pilot died. The FAA inspector said, "Get that problem fixed or we won't approve the plane for commercial use."

So the engineers went back to the drawing board. They redesigned the jet from top to bottom, especially the wings. Now the plane would cost a lot more.

Meanwhile the custodian of the aircraft plant told the engineers, "I know how to keep the wings from coming off." But they brushed him aside. "What do you know? You clean toilets for a living! WE are engineers!"

So they called the FAA inspectors back and sent up the plane with their second-best test pilot. He was putting the jet through its paces when the wings fell off, the jet crashed, and the second pilot was also killed. The FAA inspector said, "I can't approve the plane for commercial use until it is safe!"

Now the company was in financial trouble. The prototypes were expensive, and they knew that if the third one crashed, they would not only have to pay huge death benefits to the widow of the third test pilot, but they might lose investors and go out of business.

So, in desperation, they turned to the custodian. "What is your idea?" they asked. He told them, "You have to cut a row of slots through the wings where they join the body of the jet, parallel to the body of the plane."

"That's crazy!" they said "That will only make the wings weaker!"
But they thought, If it does crash, we can blame the 'unauthorized design change' on the custodian. He'll go to jail and we won't go out of business. So they did it his way.

The next day, the FAA inspector came back and the plane flew. The third test pilot put it through a series of barrel rolls, Immelman turns and loop-de-loops, all a twice the speed of sound-- and the wings stayed on. The plane flew perfectly.

"Congratulations," the FAA inspector said after it landed safely. "I'll approve the plane and you can start selling them to the airlines." And there was much rejoicing thoughout the company.

Later, the engineers all wanted to ask the custodian, "How could you be so sure that the wings wouldn't come off the plane by cutting slots in them?"

He replied, "Well, toilet paper never tears at the perforations, now, does it...?"

Answer 3

Things to do in an elevator:

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, They open up again."

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, "This is my personal space!"

27.) ask "excuse me, my butt itching, can anyone scratch it for me?" (you are holding things in your two hands)

28.) Turn against the wall and start talking to the wall.

29.) Look at your "invisivle" watch, and take your wrist and ask one of the people "Is this time right?"

30.) Start hummong really loudly like you are meditating "UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

31.) start doing jumping jacks.

32.) Look at your hand and say out load "woooooow, coool" and wave your hand at the people and say "isn't it wow and cool?"

33.) Sit on the floor and close your eyes, and start snoring really loudly.

34.) Look suddenly at the floor of the elevator and start screaming at the "invisible" squirrel.

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Answer 4

There was a guy who had to go to the bathroom so he pulled up to a random house and he asked if he could use the guy's bathroom and the guy said "sure I have three restrooms one with a metal toilet, a wooden toilet, and singing toilet" the other guy said "I'll use the metal one." During the time that the guy was on the toilet another guy came and asked if he use the guy's restroom he said "Yeah, but i only have a wooden toilet and a singing one" the guy said "I'll just use the wooden toilet"
Then another guy came and said he had to use the restroom the other guy said "Sure but i only have a singing toilet" he said "sure what it gonna hurt if i here music while i go to the bathroom." The guy with the metal toilet came out and said that the toilet seat was to cold. the second one came out and said that every time he sat down he got splinters the third guy came out and said the every time he tried to pee the toilet sang "Do you see what I see"

Answer 5

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result.

He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.

He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.

This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, "So you've been out drinking again, have you?!"

"No! What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.

"The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again."

Answer 6

i dont know a funny joke but i know a cruel 1....yo mama is so small when u sit at the kitchen table ur elbow is in the living room....heres another.....yo mama is so hairy she got afros on her nipples

Answer 7

a farmer walks into the kitchen where his wife is doing the washing up, with a sheep under his arm. he declares 'this is the pig ive been sleeping with behind your back'. his wife replies 'thats noit a pig, thats a sheep'. the farmer then says 'i was talking to the sheep'.

Answer 8

something that makes you laugh.

if you want me to say one, let me think...

there is a blonde, santa clause, and the jesus are in an elevator. a hundred dollar bill is on the ground. who picks it up first?

the blonde...why? she is the only one thats real